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Here is your first post (I've bolded the really special parts):
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My son is 3 years old and he'll start coming to stay with me during the weekend. We would cry in the first few times because he's so attached to his mother but now he's very excited whenever he comes to my house.
However, that also creates a problem to me. How to be intimate with one of the 3 women I'm casually meeting right now if he stays during the weekend?
Sure they can come on a week day but it's not the same thing, we all work and have other things to take care of. Nobody enjoys a 20 minute quicky as a basis. I like bringing them home and having plenty of time to relax, take a bath together and spend the whole night in bed.
Will I basically have to cancel my sex life? If so, I'm sure I'll get as grumpy as my father.
Wow, and you say you're 42 years old?
And to add insult to injury, you don't seem to mind having your very young son, who's very attached to his mother, and for some reason only recently starting to spend the night with you, associate with not one, not two, but three women you're having casual sex with.
Does this really seem wise to you? Does it really seem like something you want to impose on your little boy, one who is very excited about coming to see YOU (not your casual sexual partners) and who has anxiety about leaving his mother?
I don't care what you do on your own time, but please leave casual sexual partners out of your little boy's life. Damn.
I don't understand. Your OP is asking how to have sex with these women while your son is in your home. But you say he'll never meet them? Were you planning on sneaking them in through your bedroom window? Or leaving the child alone while you and one of the women take time out at a hotel?
I would have to find a way to be with them in my house while he's asleep or something. But it's not a good idea, too risky.
And to add insult to injury, you don't seem to mind having your very young son, who's very attached to his mother, and for some reason only recently starting to spend the night with you, associate with not one, not two, but three women you're having casual sex with.
He's not going to be associated with anyone. Read the posts more carefully. He's not going to come across them. Like I said, it was already enough trouble to explain to him why his mother and I are not together. And he stills asks if we are ever going to live together like Klaus's parents (his best friend).
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Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
I don't care what you do on your own time, but please leave casual sexual partners out of your little boy's life. Damn.
What does she do regarding what? Yes, we're on speaking terms when it comes to anything related to the little boy but I wouldn't want to ask her for advice in such a personal matter. She wouldn't be too pleased if I mentioned other women and our son in the same story, especially after what happened between us.
Thanks for the suggestion. How can the thread be moved to the parenting forum? Or do I have to make a new one?
What I meant was: what does your son's mother do regarding dating? It's been three years since she was with you, has she seen anyone in that time? If she has, she obviously had your son around all the time since you've only just recently gotten weekend custody. How did she make do?
If you don't want to ask her, can you ask any of your friends who are parents?
I think you might be able to ask the moderators to move this thread. But I suggest starting a new one in the Parenting forum and cutting out the part about the "one of three women" you're seeing. People are pretty judgmental, as you can see.
Yes, what about it? Should I have stopped having sex once I turned 40? What's so scandalous about the bolded parts?
Of course you don't have to stop having sex when you're forty. You do, however, need to put your son's needs above your own as a father. Surely you can do without casual sex for two days out of the week (probably every other week at that).
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He's not going to be associated with anyone. Read the posts more carefully. He's not going to come across them.
So you're contemplating sneaking these women in while he's there? Enjoying long baths together, sex and sleeping together all night, and then they are going to sneak back out? And you think this is a better idea than simply foregoing the casual sex for a couple of days and focusing on what's best for your son?
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Like I said, it was already enough trouble to explain to him why his mother and I are not together. And he stills asks if we are ever going to live together like Klaus's parents (his best friend).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
So you're contemplating sneaking these women in while he's there? Enjoying long baths together, sex and sleeping together all night, and then they are going to sneak back out? And you think this is a better idea than simply foregoing the casual sex for a couple of days and focusing on what's best for your son?
I think this is what he wants, and can't figure out how to pull it off.
The real answer is you can't have it all. Don't date / have sex the couple of nights you have your kid. You get the other 4-5 nights.
No, it isn't as nice as being to sleep in with a lover on a weekend, but oh well, that is part of parenthood. Welcome to it!
So once he was born, you never had sex with her again?
Were you married to his mother? And apparently, since YOU brought it up repeatedly (unsolicited) you had some sort of drama concerning other women when you were "with" the child's mother.
She caught me with another woman just before she found out she was pregnant. There, you know it now. So we broke up long before he was born. But that doesn't matter anymore, he's the one who matters.
No, we were never married. Fortunately. Not because she did me any harm but because it would have made things so much more difficult.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Can you envision a life where your sexual needs don't trump the needs of others? Can you imagine going without sex for a few days, or weeks, or whatever it takes, if an important relationship warrants such self sacrifice?
Of course I would make every sacrifice for him. But if possible, I would like to manage both situations, which doesn't seem impossible.
Going for weeks without some action in my bed is a daunting idea but if that's what it takes, so it then.
What I meant was: what does your son's mother do regarding dating? It's been three years since she was with you, has she seen anyone in that time? If she has, she obviously had your son around all the time since you've only just recently gotten weekend custody. How did she make do?
We have a few friends in common and I don't think she has ever been with anyone again. The last time we spoke about "us" she said her whole life would revolve around our son after I had been such a disappointment.
Still, she's a terrific mother so if she wanted to go out, I'm sure she would leave our son with her parents, which I don't condemn. She has much more work with him than I do so it's perfectly acceptable to leave him with his grandparents once in a while.
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