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Is it normal for a two year old to be carried by his mother to the bathroom in their house? (she carries him to the bathroom so he will not have an accident).
He already knows how to walk.
She carries him everywhere, she never says no.
No. It's not normal but it's her choice and her child. Hopefully this will pass and he'll warm up to you and his grandparents.
He's 2 years old, he's probably just shy. My daughter is 2 (very nearly 3 actually) and is the most independent toddler I know but she will turn into a very clingy shy child if someone she doesn't know very well comes round. There is no way that she'd let someone she only sees 4 times a year pick her up (not even people she sees once a month or more) so just wait, when he gets older he'll hopefully get less shy with you. Don't rush over to him when you go round or speak too loudly, just say hi and sit down with a toy or a book and wait for him to come to you if he wants to but don't take it personally if he doesn't. Its normal for toddlers to cling to their mums when other people are around.
There are appear to be two issues here: first, it's normal for some two-year-olds to be shy and a bit clingy when confronted with people whom they do not know well but who are attempting to communicate and interact with them. The suggestions about keeping it low-key, playing with an intriguing toy or game, etc., are excellent ideas for engaging the child's interest so that he will relax and learn to enjoy his extended family members.
The second and more worrisome issue is that this little boy's mother is being extremely over-protective and is encouraging his reluctance to interact with those same extended family members. Unless there is something negative that the OP hasn't told us or does not know about these various relatives, this is not appropriate or helpful to the child's social development. Assuming that his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all good, kind people who like children and love him, teaching him to love, trust, and enjoy their presence is a very desirable thing. Making him fearful of these presumably loving relatives is very wrong, and I'd like to know the mother's motives. It sounds not only harmful to her little boy, but quite mean-spirited and spiteful to the relatives.
Some posters in this thread seem to imply that these extended family members are potentially abusive in some way, hence the mother's overprotectiveness is appropriate and desirable. Actually, if anything shady is known about them, cutting ties completely would be far better than scaring this little child about them, and thus frightening him and making him likely to be withdrawn and unwilling to interact with all others, good, bad, family, non-relatives, or indifferent though they may be.
This is very poor parenting, because a small child is unable to protect himself and must depend upon others, typically his parents. So by making her child frightened and reluctant to interact, the mother is placing responsibility for his safety on him rather than taking personal responsibility for her child's safety and well-being, and is causing damage by so doing.
How much experience with or knowledge of small children did this little boy's mother have before he arrived? How did she get along with these extended family members before her son was born? Her motives may be good, but her very damaging methods are not.
The second and more worrisome issue is that this little boy's mother is being extremely over-protective and is encouraging his reluctance to interact with those same extended family members. Unless there is something negative that the OP hasn't told us or does not know about these various relatives, this is not appropriate or helpful to the child's social development. Assuming that his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all good, kind people who like children and love him, teaching him to love, trust, and enjoy their presence is a very desirable thing. Making him fearful of these presumably loving relatives is very wrong, and I'd like to know the mother's motives. It sounds not only harmful to her little boy, but quite mean-spirited and spiteful to the relatives.
Some posters in this thread seem to imply that these extended family members are potentially abusive in some way, hence the mother's overprotectiveness is appropriate and desirable. Actually, if anything shady is known about them, cutting ties completely would be far better than scaring this little child about them, and thus frightening him and making him likely to be withdrawn and unwilling to interact with all others, good, bad, family, non-relatives, or indifferent though they may be.
This is very poor parenting, because a small child is unable to protect himself and must depend upon others, typically his parents. So by making her child frightened and reluctant to interact, the mother is placing responsibility for his safety on him rather than taking personal responsibility for her child's safety and well-being, and is causing damage by so doing.
How much experience with or knowledge of small children did this little boy's mother have before he arrived? How did she get along with these extended family members before her son was born? Her motives may be good, but her very damaging methods are not.
I think the better question is, how much experience or knowledge of small children does the OP possess? After all, we only have her opinion that the mother of the child is overprotective. I'm thinking that the mother recognizes when her child is feeling uncomfortable in the presence of near-strangers, and is doing what she can to alleviate the child's fear. And, at 2, that is a perfectly logical response.
I think the better question is, how much experience or knowledge of small children does the OP possess? After all, we only have her opinion that the mother of the child is overprotective. I'm thinking that the mother recognizes when her child is feeling uncomfortable in the presence of near-strangers, and is doing what she can to alleviate the child's fear. And, at 2, that is a perfectly logical response.
The OP stated that the child's mother said "Oh, are they being mean to you??" to her child in reference to his fearfulness at the relatives greeting him. She also accused the relatives of "invading (her child's) personal space" by sitting next to him. This is not "alleviating the child's fear", but appears to be an effort at increasing the child's discomfort. She appears to be setting up the child to be afraid of his relatives, and it sounds as if it's deliberate, perhaps in a warped effort to keep her child closer to her than to anyone else.
If the mother genuinely wanted to alleviate her child's fearfulness, she would prepare her little boy for the expected visitors: "Uncle Bob and Aunt Julie and Grandma are coming to see you! Won't that be fun? Let's draw some pictures to show them." Or, "Remember talking to Grandma on the phone? She's coming to see us tomorrow! Here's a picture of Grandma - we'll have fun with Grandma when she's here".
And if the child is bashful upon Grandma's arrival: "Remember how we talked about Grandma's visit? Here she is! Did you know Grandma has a kitty-cat back at her house?" (or whatever other quality interesting to a two-year-old can be associated with Grandma).
I agree that little ones should never be forced to hug or kiss or even talk to unfamiliar people, but neither should they have fearfulness forced upon them.
The OP stated that the child's mother said "Oh, are they being mean to you??" to her child in reference to his fearfulness at the relatives greeting him. She also accused the relatives of "invading (her child's) personal space" by sitting next to him. This is not "alleviating the child's fear", but appears to be an effort at increasing the child's discomfort. She appears to be setting up the child to be afraid of his relatives, and it sounds as if it's deliberate, perhaps in a warped effort to keep her child closer to her than to anyone else.
If the mother genuinely wanted to alleviate her child's fearfulness, she would prepare her little boy for the expected visitors: "Uncle Bob and Aunt Julie and Grandma are coming to see you! Won't that be fun? Let's draw some pictures to show them." Or, "Remember talking to Grandma on the phone? She's coming to see us tomorrow! Here's a picture of Grandma - we'll have fun with Grandma when she's here".
And if the child is bashful upon Grandma's arrival: "Remember how we talked about Grandma's visit? Here she is! Did you know Grandma has a kitty-cat back at her house?" (or whatever other quality interesting to a two-year-old can be associated with Grandma).
I agree that little ones should never be forced to hug or kiss or even talk to unfamiliar people, but neither should they have fearfulness forced upon them.
We'll have to agree to disagree. I think the OP is coming across here as very judgmental of the parent, and disappointed( understandably) in the child's reaction to her. I have witnessed overbearing relatives who think that being related should provide them with an instant bond to small children. It doesn't work that way.
And, I think you're expecting too much of the parents, that they should go out of their way to make certain a toddler is receptive to strangers. I recently met a great niece at a family gathering. I was itching to hold her, but waited until the mother and baby both seemed receptive. As soon as the baby began to strain towards her mother, back she went.
There are appear to be two issues here: first, it's normal for some two-year-olds to be shy and a bit clingy when confronted with people whom they do not know well but who are attempting to communicate and interact with them. The suggestions about keeping it low-key, playing with an intriguing toy or game, etc., are excellent ideas for engaging the child's interest so that he will relax and learn to enjoy his extended family members.
The second and more worrisome issue is that this little boy's mother is being extremely over-protective and is encouraging his reluctance to interact with those same extended family members. Unless there is something negative that the OP hasn't told us or does not know about these various relatives, this is not appropriate or helpful to the child's social development. Assuming that his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all good, kind people who like children and love him, teaching him to love, trust, and enjoy their presence is a very desirable thing. Making him fearful of these presumably loving relatives is very wrong, and I'd like to know the mother's motives. It sounds not only harmful to her little boy, but quite mean-spirited and spiteful to the relatives.
Some posters in this thread seem to imply that these extended family members are potentially abusive in some way, hence the mother's overprotectiveness is appropriate and desirable. Actually, if anything shady is known about them, cutting ties completely would be far better than scaring this little child about them, and thus frightening him and making him likely to be withdrawn and unwilling to interact with all others, good, bad, family, non-relatives, or indifferent though they may be.
This is very poor parenting, because a small child is unable to protect himself and must depend upon others, typically his parents. So by making her child frightened and reluctant to interact, the mother is placing responsibility for his safety on him rather than taking personal responsibility for her child's safety and well-being, and is causing damage by so doing.
How much experience with or knowledge of small children did this little boy's mother have before he arrived? How did she get along with these extended family members before her son was born? Her motives may be good, but her very damaging methods are not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek
The OP stated that the child's mother said "Oh, are they being mean to you??" to her child in reference to his fearfulness at the relatives greeting him. She also accused the relatives of "invading (her child's) personal space" by sitting next to him. This is not "alleviating the child's fear", but appears to be an effort at increasing the child's discomfort. She appears to be setting up the child to be afraid of his relatives, and it sounds as if it's deliberate, perhaps in a warped effort to keep her child closer to her than to anyone else.
If the mother genuinely wanted to alleviate her child's fearfulness, she would prepare her little boy for the expected visitors: "Uncle Bob and Aunt Julie and Grandma are coming to see you! Won't that be fun? Let's draw some pictures to show them." Or, "Remember talking to Grandma on the phone? She's coming to see us tomorrow! Here's a picture of Grandma - we'll have fun with Grandma when she's here".
And if the child is bashful upon Grandma's arrival: "Remember how we talked about Grandma's visit? Here she is! Did you know Grandma has a kitty-cat back at her house?" (or whatever other quality interesting to a two-year-old can be associated with Grandma).
I agree that little ones should never be forced to hug or kiss or even talk to unfamiliar people, but neither should they have fearfulness forced upon them.
He is not comfortable around you, this is about a two year old, NOT you. When he is ready he will come to you.
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