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This is a terrific take on communicating with children in a calm and respectful manner. I copied key points and taped them to the inside of my cabinet doors to keep me on track.
Following these guidelines made a huge, huge difference in getting our kids to behave well without resorting to yelling and threats (which never worked anyway). Plus it modeled effective communication patterns that have served them well as they grew up.
Get a copy of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.
This is a terrific take on communicating with children in a calm and respectful manner. I copied key points and taped them to the inside of my cabinet doors to keep me on track.
Following these guidelines made a huge, huge difference in getting our kids to behave well without resorting to yelling and threats (which never worked anyway). Plus it modeled effective communication patterns that have served them well as they grew up.
Yelling is very effective, as long it is attached to real consequences. My kids stop in their tracks when I yell. They know it means danger or that something serious is afoot. I don't have 15 seconds to explain a lethal threat like a bus. Yelling more than once conditions them that yelling can be ignored. That's the problem, lack of conditioning and inconsistency.
Yelling is effective if used infrequently. If all you ever do is yell the kids will tune it out because they will see it as your normal way of speaking. The OP seems to be using yelling as his one and only tool and if that is the case it will be ineffective.
Looking for advice on how to deal with the three kids as far as discipline or yelling at them. They are not my kids and all from same father who is a loser. Anyway I love them and the mother and at first it didn't affect me but they've grown on me and I care more and now I find myself getting upset and yelling not like crazy but enough so they know.
I'm a sensitive guy and my gf said that it gets to her when I yell at them and I haven't done it a lot. I tried to talk to her but she gets upset and just says she doesn't like it. I want to marry her. What can I do or what should I do to try and deal with this? She disciplines them but they don't listen a lot of the time they are 3 6 and 9 sibling rivalry is rediculoua and the jealously omg
You have no right to tell them anything, more than the mother and father
allow you. They have two parents, you're not married, only her boyfriend.
Why should they listen to you, you may leave tomorrow. I can only go by
your first post, but your lack of experience, and the mother being upset at
your yelling, means you really aren't helping her. As I said before, you may
be gone tomorrow, and all they know about you is you're loud.
Below is post from a thread OP opened on October 28, 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJ1987
Wow, so I live with a 38 year old co-worker who I am think is ok (attractive wise) we live with each other and ended up having sex about a dozen times over the past few months. She told me not to get attached to her but then she ended up getting attached to me.
I've been going out on dates with girls trying to meet new people. Well......my roommate who is now psycho and thinks that I'm lying to her thinks I was in a relationship with a girl who has 3 kids but the roommate basically talked to people in the town the girl lived in a the roomie says the girl has only 1 kid...wtf? Crazy right?
She's mad because she thinks I had sex with her and then had sex with this girl. Which I didn't. I;m very socially awkward, shy, and very easily embarassed. I didn't get attached to her at all, but I also didn't want the sex to stop. So instead of hurting her feelings by telling her I was going out on a date (which I never slept with any girls btw) I would just say I was hanging with my friend vincent which believe it or not I do hang with him a lot. I also sleep their a lot...she thought I was sleeping around. I'm not that type of guy.
This is where it gets ****ed up. Roomie comes in to my room and starts telling me she has feelings for me and blah blah blah. Then tells me that she couldnt hide it from me but she was going to go out with Colin for drinks........woah woah woah what? Ok, first of all Colin has a gf who just had a kid. Second of all Colin knows me and her had sex and she knows that I told him because I freaked out when she said she was going for drinks with him not because I care they might have sex but because Colin is a man-*****, has a gf, and just had a kid, is my friend, and knows we had sex and now whats to try and get some?
The roomie is a psycho. She has the nerve to try and call me out but can stand there and do this with my friend colin who isnt my friend anymore.
Tell me how messed up this is. Lesson is don't sleep with your roommates.
OP - it appears as if you have been in a relationship with this woman for a short time. At this point, you should leave the disciplining to mom. Maybe take a parenting class to help you adjust to dating a woman with children.
It sounds like the mother doesn't want you disciplining her children at all. Which, given the post above me, would make sense if you've only been dating her for a few months.
Even if she has agreed to let her boyfriend of three months discipline her children (and don't even get me started on that), yelling doesn't accomplish anything. You need to work with her on how to discipline the kids, and her opinion trumps yours every time. If you get married or are together long-term, that may change, but for now -- you follow her lead, and her lead does not include yelling.
Well first off we've been together for about 6 months and I have moved in. The issue is I have to tread lightly as is because the last thing is the kids telling there father I'm mean or make something up to him and cause a whole custody battle. She just had mediation and got screwed.
I agree with what she does and yes she does discipline the kids. The 9 year is well-behaved sometimes other times is a real nightmare and is extremely jealous of the 6 year old. They all learn from each other and hit me a lot. Whether this could be there way of affection its not right and she does yell at them when they do.
I have stop raising my voice ( yelling even though I dont really) its always been more stern. They don't listen it goes in one ear and out the other.
We have talked the main issue is that the father has a gf. My gf (the mother) doesn't like his gf involved in any of the main parenting issues or situations that come up, this caused her to think well its only fair if she tells me the same thing. I had to call a parents house because the 9 year old went there and he started talking about sex, shooting, and some really horrible things because the father of the kids wouldnt. Nevertheless I want to marry her and I've never been around kids besides my nephew and i love them and her. I know what im getting into but since we've been together for 6 months and living together for 3 im sure more parenting choices will come up and they are still getting used to me (the kids).
I dont really discipline them honestly. What breaks my heart and stresses me out is when they walk all over there mother. Maybe I don't know the difference between discipline and yelling. I know that yelling unless it is stern doesnt do anything.
I want to help there mother so bad because of the bs she has went through with the ex (father). One thing I can't tolerate is when they make there mother cry there was two times where I flipped out. One time the girls took toy pliers and pinched a piece of my butt and it hurt like hell. The other was when they made there mother cry on the way home from picking them up from a meeting spot from there father.
I stay out of it about 80% of the time especially the last few days after she said that it makes her upset when the girls make me mad or she hears me raise my voice (im not a very scary guy and the girls think that "Im to nice")
Thank you for the advice and no I dont have children. I had to help my mom and dad raise my nephew though.
You can learn about parenting styles, but first you both have to agree that you are going to co-parent, and then you have to agree about HOW you are going to do that.
Until you are married, it'll be difficult.
3 step kids will be difficult. After they are grown maybe one of them will appreciate what you did.
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Advice on disciplining girlfriend's 3 kids
After they are grown maybe one of them will appreciate what you did.
