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I have a question. Are they in separate beds or are they together? I am a parent of twins so maybe this will work for you.
I kept my girls in the same crib together. Then when we got toddler beds, I had them pushed up next to each other. They always likes each other for comfort while sleeping.
When we got them big girls beds, we would often find them in one bed in the morning. Sometimes it's just the comfort of someone else with them. After all they had each other for nine months inside the belly. It really worked for us and the only time they were allowed to sleep with me was if they had a fever and once a week, we used to have a "slumber party" in the living room.
Best of luck to you. I know it's tough and being sleep deprived makes it worse.
In our case it was established from day one home from the hospital that this was a non-negotiable. You are in your bed, period, come heck or high water, no matter, no exceptions, ever. Period. If that means someone has to get up twice a night for the 1st 3-4 months for the midnight feedings, so be it, but no way no how is a child sleeping in the same room with the parents in our place. Not even during storms or nightmares--nope. Not, ever.
Parents are entitled to their own space, whether it's for getting sleep or ESPECIALLY for being intimate with each other without any interruptions, the very intimacy without which the children wouldn't even exist to begin with. The marriage has to be nourished, and children are being selfish to ask for what they WANT even if it means interrupting that. And yes, 14 months old IS old enough to have selfishness tendencies. You're not teaching them that you don't care about their needs, nonsense--you're teaching them that there is a time & place for everything, and it's not all about you, especially where it regards the marriage.
Establishing this as a "set in stone" thing from day one has made it a lot easier for us, I can't recommend it enough.
In your case--don't give in. Make it hard/fast. If it takes locking doors, then lock them. The likelihood of something going wrong, if your house is decent, is extremely remote, and who's to say that in the event of a fire you wouldn't all die anyway no matter who's sleeping where? (Also, children free to roam the house could get into something that starts a fire.) However, the odds of the children bothering you otherwise--100%, as you can see. 100% beats extremely remote in my mind.
Seems kind of harsh the way you spell it out.......but we did the exact same thing with our twins (girls). They both came home and went to their own room with their own cribs. We made a decision to stick with that plan. As I said earlier if one is really sick the wife will sleep with that one in the spare bedroom.
We travel quite a bit and this has helped as they share a pullout or one of the doubles easier than if we had let them sleep with us.
Good luck, I really don't think anything wrong either way.......we just made a conscience effort as soon as they came home from the hospital to take the path we did. Good luck.
Two of my sisters and I had three different experiences. My experience was the best because I heeded my eldest sister's warning.
Her daughter slept in their room until a young teen. They got her out of their bed, then into a bed in her room, then into her own room, and they would wake up to her sleeping on their floor at like 10 years old. They had to seek help from professionals at Children's Hospital to get her out of their room.
When I had my first child, around the same time they were going to Children's Hospital, she warned me to not take my baby to bed. I never did. Not as an infant. If we were up at night due to illness, we'd sleep upright on the sofa together (ear infection). As the years went on, our children would climb into our bed on and off through the years, but never regularly or nightly. Just a few times every year. Sometimes they'd want to start out sleeping in our bed (when we hadn't gone to bed yet) and we'd carry them to their bed when we went to bed. It was never a problem for us, and I attribute it to never taking babies into our bed and never having a bassinet in our room.
My younger sister has had all of her children sleeping in her bed. They all start out in her bed, move to a crib in her room, and they don't move out of her room until she gives birth to a new baby that moves into her bed. I think it's insane. At least she was able to effortlessly get them out of her room, but she still had one kid or another in her room for over 13 years because there were multiple kids.
I warn my children's friends who are having babies to not have the babies sleep in their rooms. They don't listen. They'll be posting threads online in a few years desperately wanting to know how to get their children out of their rooms.
Two of my sisters and I had three different experiences. My experience was the best because I heeded my eldest sister's warning.
Her daughter slept in their room until a young teen. They got her out of their bed, then into a bed in her room, then into her own room, and they would wake up to her sleeping on their floor at like 10 years old. They had to seek help from professionals at Children's Hospital to get her out of their room.
When I had my first child, around the same time they were going to Children's Hospital, she warned me to not take my baby to bed. I never did. Not as an infant. If we were up at night due to illness, we'd sleep upright on the sofa together (ear infection). As the years went on, our children would climb into our bed on and off through the years, but never regularly or nightly. Just a few times every year. Sometimes they'd want to start out sleeping in our bed (when we hadn't gone to bed yet) and we'd carry them to their bed when we went to bed. It was never a problem for us, and I attribute it to never taking babies into our bed and never having a bassinet in our room.
My younger sister has had all of her children sleeping in her bed. They all start out in her bed, move to a crib in her room, and they don't move out of her room until she gives birth to a new baby that moves into her bed. I think it's insane. At least she was able to effortlessly get them out of her room, but she still had one kid or another in her room for over 13 years because there were multiple kids.
I warn my children's friends who are having babies to not have the babies sleep in their rooms. They don't listen. They'll be posting threads online in a few years desperately wanting to know how to get their children out of their rooms.
I am sorry for what your sister and niece went through. That sounds horrible.
It is not the common experience for most cosleeping families here or in the rest of the world.
My daughter coslept until she was about 2 when she started moving to her own bed on her own.
Additionally the medical professionals now recommend babies sleep in the same room as parents as it greatly reduces the risk of SIDS.
hi,
so we have twins....14 months old.....they got ear infections and bronchitis a couple of weeks back that meant a few very very uncomfortable nights for them, and for us. now things are back to normal, but one of the twins wakes up at 5 am and cries and cries and cries wanting to come sleep with us.
we've tried hushing her back to sleep (works 10% of the time), but we often just give in and bring her back to our bed so that she doesn't wake up baby B. She then falls sleep (sort of) in our bed, but kicks and moves to the point that we can't get a good night sleep for the rest of the night. (ie. the remaining 2-2.5 hours). this MUST stop! Should we just let her cry it out for a few nights.....and risk she waking up baby B, in the hopes that they'll 'both' go back to their original routine pre-sickness? (8pm to 7am straight! It was beautiful!)
my question for you: have you had this problem and how did you overcome it?
I never had that problem because we just let the kids sleep with us from the start. I had to work so I couldn't fight with kids all night trying to "train" them to sleep alone.
I'm in the same boat my GFS 3 year old does this a lot and cries for her mom through out different times at night. 12 330 430 she comes crying to our door and my gf wakes up to go tuck her in again. I've offered but the daughter doesn't like me or just wants her mommy to do it.
Ive told my gf we can't give in because she's done it before and gets extremely attached as soon as she lets her sleep with us one time.
What can I say though we've talked about it and she says we'll it's like we either have to completely ignore her and my GFS feels like a terrible mother or give in and be stuck with this.
I'm not the father and I don't say what she can't do or what the kid can do. She's tried tucking them in and everything.
Two of my sisters and I had three different experiences. My experience was the best because I heeded my eldest sister's warning.
Her daughter slept in their room until a young teen. They got her out of their bed, then into a bed in her room, then into her own room, and they would wake up to her sleeping on their floor at like 10 years old. They had to seek help from professionals at Children's Hospital to get her out of their room.
When I had my first child, around the same time they were going to Children's Hospital, she warned me to not take my baby to bed. I never did. Not as an infant. If we were up at night due to illness, we'd sleep upright on the sofa together (ear infection). As the years went on, our children would climb into our bed on and off through the years, but never regularly or nightly. Just a few times every year. Sometimes they'd want to start out sleeping in our bed (when we hadn't gone to bed yet) and we'd carry them to their bed when we went to bed. It was never a problem for us, and I attribute it to never taking babies into our bed and never having a bassinet in our room.
My younger sister has had all of her children sleeping in her bed. They all start out in her bed, move to a crib in her room, and they don't move out of her room until she gives birth to a new baby that moves into her bed. I think it's insane. At least she was able to effortlessly get them out of her room, but she still had one kid or another in her room for over 13 years because there were multiple kids.
I warn my children's friends who are having babies to not have the babies sleep in their rooms. They don't listen. They'll be posting threads online in a few years desperately wanting to know how to get their children out of their rooms.
Wow, I'm sorry for what your sisters went through with their children.
Hopes mentioned "My younger sister has had all of her children sleeping in her bed." I'm curious where her husband slept? And didn't he mind children in their bed for 13 years of their marriage?
I know a family where the parents slept in twin beds in the same room. Dad started taking the baby into his bed when she would wake up crying at night as a baby and would bottle feed her. Soon the daughter started sleeping in Dad's bed continuously. The daughter stayed in Dad's bed until she was about 9 years old. Dad and Mom finally insisted that DD sleep in her own bed because a full grown adult and a 3rd grader could hardly fit in twin size bed let alone get a good nights sleep. (before anyone speculates, no one thought that there was "funny business" going on, but after the daughter finally moved to her own room the parents did add a lock to their bedroom door, as DD continued to want to sleep in Daddy's bed as she had her entire life.)
Families are different and children are different. Some co-sleeping babies easily transfer into a crib or their own bed but some do not.
Our children would also crawl into our bed on a rare occasion when they were little but could easily be moved back to their own beds. I think it was because they were in their own cribs from the beginning. I always breastfed my babies, while I was sitting in a rocking chair, in their bedroom during the night. Even right after each C-section, when getting up out of bed was pretty difficult, I would go to their bed room to nurse them. This worked for us. Other families did it the way that worked for them.
Good luck to the OP. There were a lot of good suggestions for you in this thread.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-12-2014 at 09:54 AM..
Our baby (14 months) is still in our bed. I prefer it this way (our first was his own crib from day 1). We have sex daily, it's very possible
Everyone has a horror story of a kid who never left their parent's bed. Well, I had a baby in his own crib who woke up constantly and I trudged to his room for two years in fear he would become 'clingy'. Everyone has their own opinion, what matters is that it works for your family.
Hopes mentioned "My younger sister has had all of her children sleeping in her bed." I'm curious where her husband slept? And didn't he mind children in their bed for 13 years of their marriage?
That sentence is out of context. All weren't in the bed at the same time. Each baby stayed in their room until a new baby was born. One would move out of the room for a new one to move into the room. It went on for 13 years. She's done having children. She got the youngest out of her room after building an addition onto the house and making a big deal about the new room he'd share with his brother. They all go off to share with a sibling before having their own rooms. I believe he was four when they finally got him out.
Of course her husband slept in the bed with them. They have a king size bed. But the bigger part of your question is wondering how he felt. This was a decision they made together, just like not using babysitters was a decision they made together until their marriage almost ended. They started off with many very overprotective opinions about parenting and it took a long time for them to realize that it wasn't healthy for their marriage and family. Many things have changed for the better in the past few years.
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