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I'm not particularly impressed with anyone in the linked scenario. You've got the step-mom who shouldn't have married a man with kids if she didn't want to accept them fully as "hers" as part of the deal. You've got the dad who had more kids than he could support with multiple women. You have the lazy mom who doesn't work.
And the losers, just like in your scenario? That's right, the kids.
No (ish) that there are different responses. The fact that you see it as being "similar" to yours is demented, not the same at all.
So pretending that you're such a victim.
how is it different and here is one of the reponses-
No, you are not being unreasonable. I would have never paid for them in the first place, so for you to have done this for 10 years is above and beyond what most people would do. They are HIS kids, his ex-wife and therefore his responsibility. You had no hand in bringing these children into the world and anything you choose to spend on them should be a gift and appreciated. Question, are they going to take care of you in your old age? I think you know what you need to do. Don't let you DH talk you out of it. Not only will he respect you more in the long run but you will respect yourself. Be strong.
Good luck
how is it different and here is one of the reponses-
No, you are not being unreasonable. I would have never paid for them in the first place, so for you to have done this for 10 years is above and beyond what most people would do. They are HIS kids, his ex-wife and therefore his responsibility. You had no hand in bringing these children into the world and anything you choose to spend on them should be a gift and appreciated. Question, are they going to take care of you in your old age? I think you know what you need to do. Don't let you DH talk you out of it. Not only will he respect you more in the long run but you will respect yourself. Be strong.
Good luck
The kids live with their mom (as do you, the fourth child) and there is financial support from the father.
The woman made a bad choice and enabled this situation. You are not in this woman's shoes at all.
Speaking with the experience of being a step father for 61 years now.
When you live with or marry a woman with children, you have taken on the same responsibility for those children as if you were the biological father. As we decided before we were married and was divorced from her husband for 2 years, and she had a 2 1/2 year old s on, that in our household there would be not step parent or father. He was my son, as much as she was my wife. I have known numerous fathers that this felt the same way.
Once you take on raising that child, that child is as much responsibility as any children you may have together.
Anger because the kids eat, and want to do more for a child to be born in the future than the ones you have, makes you sound like someone that should never be around children. You married the mother, and you want to throw her children out. This shows, you should never have married the woman in the first place.
When a real man marries a woman with children, he marries the kids also as he is taking on the responsibility of raising them.
If he thinks otherwise, he is saying he is not a real man and should never have married the woman in the first place.
I am speaking as someone with 61 years experience as a step father. I adopted him soon after we were married, and he carries my name just as the other 4 children we had together do. It is time you step up and be a real man, realizing you for all practical purposes you are their father and act like one.
You enquire as to the role of a step-parent, then disagree across the board with the overwhelming consensus that you're wrong on so many levels.
You clearly think you're right. You clearly thought you had the answers before posting this thread. You clearly are taking no advice from the posters here.
Speaking with the experience of being a step father for 61 years now.
When you live with or marry a woman with children, you have taken on the same responsibility for those children as if you were the biological father. As we decided before we were married and was divorced from her husband for 2 years, and she had a 2 1/2 year old s on, that in our household there would be not step parent or father. He was my son, as much as she was my wife. I have known numerous fathers that this felt the same way.
Once you take on raising that child, that child is as much responsibility as any children you may have together.
Anger because the kids eat, and want to do more for a child to be born in the future than the ones you have, makes you sound like someone that should never be around children. You married the mother, and you want to throw her children out. This shows, you should never have married the woman in the first place.
When a real man marries a woman with children, he marries the kids also as he is taking on the responsibility of raising them.
If he thinks otherwise, he is saying he is not a real man and should never have married the woman in the first place.
I am speaking as someone with 61 years experience as a step father. I adopted him soon after we were married, and he carries my name just as the other 4 children we had together do. It is time you step up and be a real man, realizing you for all practical purposes you are their father and act like one.
And that, boys and girls, is why people with children should marry if they like or live apart if they like. "Being with", "engaged to", and the like are poor substitutes for a committed relationship, and are usually chosen because the governments doles out freebies to women unfortunate enough to find themselves in a situation where a freebie is needed. Marry, and both incomes count so the freebie disappears.
You will note the OP has "been with" the woman for 6 years.
My stepdaughters, age 48 and 45, call me by my first name. We all agreed 24 years ago that that is what I would be called.
Speaking with the experience of being a step father for 61 years now.
When you live with or marry a woman with children, you have taken on the same responsibility for those children as if you were the biological father. As we decided before we were married and was divorced from her husband for 2 years, and she had a 2 1/2 year old s on, that in our household there would be not step parent or father. He was my son, as much as she was my wife. I have known numerous fathers that this felt the same way.
Once you take on raising that child, that child is as much responsibility as any children you may have together.
Anger because the kids eat, and want to do more for a child to be born in the future than the ones you have, makes you sound like someone that should never be around children. You married the mother, and you want to throw her children out. This shows, you should never have married the woman in the first place.
When a real man marries a woman with children, he marries the kids also as he is taking on the responsibility of raising them.
If he thinks otherwise, he is saying he is not a real man and should never have married the woman in the first place.
I am speaking as someone with 61 years experience as a step father. I adopted him soon after we were married, and he carries my name just as the other 4 children we had together do. It is time you step up and be a real man, realizing you for all practical purposes you are their father and act like one.
so if your doing all this, what is the bio dad's responsibility??
My heart is breaking for the two boys in this scenario. Who the heck begrudges food to children ? Three good meals and day and all the snacks they want of fruits, veggies. Keep junk food out of the house except for once in a while. If the only thing a kid can find to eat is a loaf of bread, then get other stuff . Buy carrots, celery sticks, get apples, oranges in bulk, etc. Mix up a big container of your own trail mix type of stuff. An apple is filling and healthy. Join one of those warehouse shopping clubs.
If you have children, especially boys, they are going to eat a lot. Boys, especially teenage boys, are a bottomless pit. I know, I raised three. They are growing, their caloric needs are massive. Pound for pound, they need more food than an adult. You better expect this.
I don't understand, why, if you are struggling to put food on the table, that you are having more children. You can't look at this as being " I will take from one to give to another".
Why does telling anyone whose children are with you, have to be a big deal. If you're out will all three, soon to be four and anyone asks, just say " these are my kids " and name them. No one needs to know the parentage behind them. These are strangers, they don't really care, they're just curious. Your family already knows. Don't make easy situation hard.
No point rehashing the points already made well by others. However, if your thinking doesn't change, you are in for a disaster ahead. I really don't see your relationship lasting. You're creating a blended family. That's the important word " family". However, you don't see a family. You see " yours, " mine". You've made no emotional commitment to what you walked into and are adding to. There's nothing but misery ahead for these children emotionally. This is just not going to work. I don't want to see what happens when you have pre- adolescent and teenage boys acting out because they know they are not wanted.. Not a pretty thought.
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