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There are many articles about how American kids are not performing in school. Most of the articles blame the parents, not the kids themselves. The teachers get some of the blame, but not as much as the parents.
Well a couple of my kids were lousy students and now they are working for minimum wage with just a High School Diploma.
Is this my fault as the parent?
Do you have kids who are poor students and not motivated to do well in school? How much of this is your fault as parents?
If the child has a lousy home life with parents who don't pay attention to how they're doing in school, even the best teacher in the world isn't going to magically turn them into a great student.
Of course, you already know this answer because it's been given at least a dozen times in other threads you've started.
It's up to us as parents to foster a love of learning and exploration in children.
They are all born with it.
What happens to it as time goes on it kind of up to us and the environment they live in.
My son (2) has a trillion toys. But you know what he can do for HOURS? Just be outside, picking things up, poking things with a stick, rolling in the grass, staring at trucks and planes, feeling the petals on flowers, climbing rocks, etc, etc, etc.
And we talk about all the stuff he sees and the colors, the sensations, the smells, etc.
These people LOVE to learn and are total sponges.
If that somehow dies between when they are babies and when they turn 18, whose fault is that exactly?
It's up to us as parents to foster a love of learning and exploration in children.
They are all born with it.
What happens to it as time goes on it kind of up to us and the environment they live in.
My son (2) has a trillion toys. But you know what he can do for HOURS? Just be outside, picking things up, poking things with a stick, rolling in the grass, staring at trucks and planes, feeling the petals on flowers, climbing rocks, etc, etc, etc.
And we talk about all the stuff he sees and the colors, the sensations, the smells, etc.
These people LOVE to learn and are total sponges.
If that somehow dies between when they are babies and when they turn 18, whose fault is that exactly?
I don't think it's possible to know exactly, in many circumstances.
There's a large difference between playing in the yard exploring and learning long division.
The last of our 7 kids has a learning disability and I fear for her future. The first three (my step children) our bio son, our next two adopted daughters are all high achievers and very motivated. This last adopted daughter tries so hard and gets special help but she is not doing well academically.
We have decided this last summer before middle school we will pay for expensive help to get her better prepared. All 7 kids have grown up in academically focused environments and homes where scholarship and reading are emphasized. We will continue to give these last 2 minors every advantage and every bit of support we can. They are definitely our priority over physical comforts and vacations, new cars, etc. I guess it might come down to nature vs nurture but at some point the atmosphere in the home has to be recognized as extremely important.
It's up to us as parents to foster a love of learning and exploration in children.
They are all born with it.
What happens to it as time goes on it kind of up to us and the environment they live in.
If that somehow dies between when they are babies and when they turn 18, whose fault is that exactly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
I don't think it's possible to know exactly, in many circumstances.
There's a large difference between playing in the yard exploring and learning long division.
I agree with both of these. Have you ever seen a kindergarten class on the first day of school? These kids are bouncing out of their seats, they're so excited to be in class.
Somewhere along the line, some students do become disenchanted with school, but I don't think it is with learning itself. In order to keep that initial kindergarten enthusiasm alive, they need to feel successful in the classroom. And that's where the parents' role is important. Children don't typically get to high school and give up if they have done well all along.
Parents need to make sure the school/teacher/subject matter is a good fit, and pay attention if grades start to slide, early on. If the student struggles, find out if there is a learning disability involved. Keep your expectations high. And, realize, some subjects, such as math, don't come easily to many.
This is a debatable subject. I have seen kids where parents work hard at 2 minimum wage jobs to give the child a better life and sometimes the child in the end is lazy as can be. Other times I have seen kids where they had a horrible home life/drugs/etc and they turned out to be doctors and lawyers. Your kids if young might go back to school and get a higher degree or start a company even with a high school degree. Look at Steve Jobs he came from a blue collar working family was somewhat street savy but dropped out of college and lived on a commune for awhile. We are all wired differently and handle situations in different manners sometimes the light goes off and gives you a shock to change your life and sometimes it does not. The old philosphy of you can sink or swim comes to mind.
I think it depends. If parents do nothing to set the stage for a good academic environment, the blame rests with the parents. If there is no emphasis on academics or support from the parent, that is not a good thing. Or if a parent ends up doing their child's homework or keeps covering for them, that is not a good thing either.
But your question is a great one because our family is really grappling with this right now. You see we are highly educated parents who have set high academic standards for our kids. After school is the time to focus on studies. I'm careful to not over schedule their activities because the school year is the time to focus on your studies and do your best. We are pretty structured at home when it comes to school.
My son struggles with school but tries very hard. I have to work very closely with him although I don't do his work for him. He is in remedial reading/math and has had tutors in the past. He does try but things come a bit slowly to him. He does have a good attitude though and that makes a world of difference.
My daughter.....ah.....I could write pages about her. We have done everything. Stayed on top of her with grades, got her tutors, put in a reward system, have given her so much emotional support over the years, etc. She is unmotivated, has a crappy attitude about everything and has emotional problems on top of everything else. Defiance could describe her---since the early years. We have done everything but it is a struggle to get her to study or put any effort into school. My 11 year old son puts more time into homework than she does. When you talk with her calmly about school, her response is, "Well I've always passed the current grade and the school hasn't done anything." She doesn't understand the part of having decent grades and going on to college. She lives in a little self absorbed bubble and thinks that nothing will happen. She just received a very low grade (45%) on the state exam diagnostic. When I spoke with her about this, her reply, "Chill out and stop nagging. I will pass." Highly doubtful but we shall see. At least where we live, they must pass the state test otherwise they don't proceed. She may end up in remedial tutoring (which will go over really well). If she doesn't pass, it is summer school. If she still can't pass, it may be a repeat of the grade. It is so frustrating. When I do speak with her about grades, reading, it can result in a nasty outburst that goes on for hours. This weekend I called mobile crisis after an escalating argument that started when I had both kids do some school reading.
I feel that another problem with an unmotivated kid is the school themselves. I've actually spoken with our last school about holding her back or at least summer school. The response--"We don't hold back." Red flags only go up if they had 2 or 3 F's. This was when she had a mixture of an F, some D's and C's. The bar was set so low that an old lady with a walker should step over it. Kids just keep getting passed up the grade level. And this was a district with decent schools.
It is really depressing quite frankly. At this point, I don't think she will go onto college. Heck, I doubt that she will be able to hold down a minimum wage job with her attitude. We are really at our wit's end with this kid. Of course when you talk with her about this, it is all our fault....mostly mine. I will certainly take my share of parenting blame. With regards to school though and her attitude, nope that is on her. She is old enough (14 in just a few days) to start making better decisions and has chosen not to do so. One thing I forgot to mention. She is capable--probably fairly smart. Normal IQ. She does have the aptitude. I hate to say it but she sounds ignorant compared to her peers. When she says something completely ignorant, her peers have actually said something. Last summer we were riding in the car with some friends. I forget what we were discussing but it was academic in nature. My friend's kids who were 9 at the time knew more and made a comment like, "Wow J, you really don't know anything." I'm embarrassed for her.
I'm sure that we will be in therapy for years to address these issues. I'm so tired.
Sorry for the long response to your post but it feels good to vent.
I am the parent so I always blame myself 1st and then try to determine what more I can do to change this.
It's a combination of different things but ultimately it's the parent that can fix this. Blaming the schools or other factor won't change anything so best thing to do is determine what are the causes and what you can do to improve your child's motivation and try different things.
I am the parent so I always blame myself 1st and then try to determine what more I can do to change this.
It's a combination of different things but ultimately it's the parent that can fix this. Blaming the schools or other factor won't change anything so best thing to do is determine what are the causes and what you can do to improve your child's motivation and try different things.
I disagree. I think that it has to be a two way street. You can lead a horse to water......
A parent can take steps though and if a child is struggling, a parent is obligated to look into different tactics, resources, etc. Ultimately though, the child is a big part of the success story as well. I'm not shifting all the blame to the schools but in our case, I also don't think that we got all the resources that we needed. The schools are a big part of the success story too. At least in our new school district, they actually modified/enforced her 504 plan. She now sits up right up front. In the back of the classroom---no learning was happening. That is on the school and something that I can't control during the school day.
Don't get me wrong though...I blame myself everyday for her challenges so I'm not washing my hands. But it isn't all on me either. Ultimately, it is up to the child at the very end. They have to choose to modify their behavior. A parent can't "fix" anyone however we can provide resources and encouragement. Believe me, I've learned this through hours and hours of in home therapy this last year.
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