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If she is using meth in the motel room, whether the child is present or not, the chemicals that result from using it linger on walls, carpets, bed linens, furniture, everything. Those chemicals are poisonous and can cause damage to one's nervous system, especially the nervous system of a child. In my opinion it is physical abuse.
Intentionally exposing a child to that is endangerment. I don't think it would be a stretch to guess that the child also comes into contact with some pretty shady people that can be dangerous. Call CPS.
Firstly yes it is our job to intervene. We are a society, not a long string of isolated islands that are nothing to do with each other. All of society has an interest in the well being and successful upbringing of children. Not just the parents of each child. Parents do not own their children, nor are they property. Parents are stewards of children on behalf of our society as a whole and it is very much our job to intervene where things are not progressing correctly.
Secondly physical abuse is not the only abuse out there. So your "unless they are being physically abused" line is really poor advice. Neglect is another. Emotional or in terms of life requirements. Education, emotional support, comfort, caring, safety and much much more are all matters for Child Protection Agencies. Not just physical abuse.
To the OP I would simply say, if you are unsure then call the agency. Let them make the final call where you can not, using their resources, experience, legislative powers and knowledge. All you can do is highlight the case to them. They can take it from there. "Advice" however from the user above saying you should not get involved at all should be ignored entirely in my opinion.
I agree that it is our concern for the safety of the children and thus the OP.
I am currently helping the father get clean after he hit rock bottom.
I'm hoping to get him stabilized, working and a place to live so the child can have a home and a warm bed. This may take us another month.
The mother is actively using but she does have the child in school and for now has a job.
If the child was in danger or being abused, I would have no problem calling in authorities.
My best bet is to get the father (who's a good guy) back on his feet so he can step in to do what is needed.
Thanks for your good post. I do believe right now the child may be in a better place than getting caught in CPS but I would not want and will not let this be long term.
It's a crap shoot with the dad. There are lots of great people that are also drug addicts. Sorry to say but it is not only bad people that use. In fact, it just might be the opposite; people in bad situations, victims, people in need of medicine that self-medicate.
If he truly wants to stop, he will. Other than that, what you are doing for him is wonderful but it many not last.
You may already know this.
I used to be a foster child. That's a crap shoot, too. He might be put with addicts (yes, it happens), a pedophile, an abuser. However, he might be put with people that will actually give him a better shot at life, folks that will become his parents for life. I've seen it go both ways.
Yes, having the child around meth is a health hazard. And if mom is turning tricks, stealing, selling, the child is exposed to far more than just his mother. Today she has a job but will she, tomorrow?
Personally, I wouldn't wait and would call CPS. Don't sit around waiting, hoping that all will work out for the father. In the meantime, the child could be caught in the crossfire in that hotel room and dad may be clean for a month and then back to business as usual.
It's a crap shoot with the dad. There are lots of great people that are also drug addicts. Sorry to say but it is not only bad people that use. In fact, it just might be the opposite; people in bad situations, victims, people in need of medicine that self-medicate.
If he truly wants to stop, he will. Other than that, what you are doing for him is wonderful but it many not last.
You may already know this.
Yes I do and that's why I waited until he hit bottom and is committed to the change.
He knows that my help is his one and only shot at getting back to a normal life.
I'm really pushing the kid issue and keeping it in his face so it motivates him.
There are no 2nd chances for him (from me) and he has no one else.
If he goes back to using, I'd take the kid in to live with me for awhile before I took him back.
You've probably seen but man, crystal meth ranks right there with heroin on the destruction it does.
*Every* single druggie I have ever known will spend every cent they get on drugs. That has priority over EVERYTHING else! (Including rent, food, clothes, kids, etc.)
These people will use anyone they know to get help paying for the other things - get food stamps, etc. Then that enables them to buy their drugs as the other things are being taken care of by naïve people.
Call CPS. And if the dad REALLY wants to stop using drugs, then he will be happy to get help to go into an inpatient drug treatment facility where he will have no access to drugs. If he just wants you to pay for the "other things" and use you, then he will not go for the inpatient idea.
Yes I do and that's why I waited until he hit bottom and is committed to the change.
He knows that my help is his one and only shot at getting back to a normal life.
I'm really pushing the kid issue and keeping it in his face so it motivates him.
There are no 2nd chances for him (from me) and he has no one else.
If he goes back to using, I'd take the kid in to live with me for awhile before I took him back.
You've probably seen but man, crystal meth ranks right there with heroin on the destruction it does.
That is one Devils Drug that totally destroys.
In the meantime, the kid is in a druggie's hotel room where meth is used.
The child is not a carrot for the father. Frankly, if dad was motivated by the child, he would have got clean before now.
Regardless of what you decide to do regarding CPS, is there any way you and Dad can pick the boy up today and take him for a good meal? Maybe buy some food he can keep in the motel room? Can you and Dad go to school and talk to his teacher to see if she thinks he's being abused? Make sure she knows how to get in touch with Dad (and you) if she thinks she needs to. You can also give the boy your phone number and tell him to call you if he's afraid or needs help. Show him how to go to the motel office and use the phone.
This situation is liable to get much worse before it gets better.
I will address this from the eyes and ears of the victim, the child...
My mother is an alcoholic, a raging, abusive person. I lived with her as a child, it was hell. She always hooked up with other alcoholics, she partied every night. I was left alone overnight in a one room behind a store, no shower, just a sink and a toilet. When I was 11, my mother met a new drunk and my brother was born, now there were two of us, abused and left alone, that relationship lasted 3 years and poof he was gone. She then hooks up with a real Lulu, another mean nasty drunk, they fight physically, they scream and holler at each other and us, her physical abuse to us ramps up. I attempt to protect my brother, I hide in the closet with him, my hand over his mouth, please, please don't find us. I prayed that someone would come and rescue us...no one ever did. That was 50 years ago, there was no CPS, if there had been and someone who knew what was going on called CPS I would have been grateful. My brother and I heard and saw everything, we like other children carried our childhood into adulthood, we still bear the scars, both physically and emotionally.
The children are the true victims, do what is right for them, if you know that there is addiction and/or abuse involved, call CPS.
Regardless of what you decide to do regarding CPS, is there any way you and Dad can pick the boy up today and take him for a good meal? Maybe buy some food he can keep in the motel room? Can you and Dad go to school and talk to his teacher to see if she thinks he's being abused? Make sure she knows how to get in touch with Dad (and you) if she thinks she needs to. You can also give the boy your phone number and tell him to call you if he's afraid or needs help. Show him how to go to the motel office and use the phone.
This situation is liable to get much worse before it gets better.
Yes, the boy spent 3 days with us this weekend. I bought him a toy and groceries to take back home.
The kid has been trained to eat any junk food he can find and probably hasn't seen a vegetable in a year.
Hopefully he get's a good meal at school.
His dad is clean for a few weeks now and has a phone. He's staying with me while we work on cleaning up legal issues, job & car. I have faith that Dad is ready and realizes his mistakes.
Then call CPS and let this play out. You can't take the child with you and dad because there are legal issues. Mom still has rights. Down the road, your friend is still going to have to petition the court to gain custody. So call CPS now. Tell them what is going on. They will enter that hotel room knowing that dad is in a safe environment and he is willing to take him. They will talk to his teacher and find out what is going on, as well. Calling CPS will actually lay the groundwork for your friend to eventually gain custody, now or later, and all of this will be recorded to be used in court later.
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