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My son is 13 yrs old. I got his report card, and he is failing on of his subjects: English. He normally gets good grades and is an honor student and has been since Elementary School. However, his grades started to decrease when I bought him an Xbox 1 (Christmas) and Smart Phone (Birthday.) When I saw he was failing, I took away his Xbox and phone until he brings his grades up. Now, he says he hates me and wants to run away. Any suggestions...?
That's normal.
Been through the "I hate you" phase three times now with my girls (aged 19,17 and 14); and it will eventually pass, I promise.
Don't cave in, and when he says that, tell him sorry, but I still love you.
My son is 13 yrs old. I got his report card, and he is failing on of his subjects: English. He normally gets good grades and is an honor student and has been since Elementary School. However, his grades started to decrease when I bought him an Xbox 1 (Christmas) and Smart Phone (Birthday.) When I saw he was failing, I took away his Xbox and phone until he brings his grades up. Now, he says he hates me and wants to run away. Any suggestions...?
I think you did the right thing taking away the XBox and smartphone. He is saying he hates you because he is so angry at losing his things. Despite that, I do not think it is appropriate for a child to tell their parents they hate them when the parents didn't do anything really awful. I would tell him that you understand he is angry, but you do not want to ever hear him say that he hates you again. Tell him that you are the parent and have to sometimes do things like this to try to teach your child/children a lesson. We all have jobs in life, his father might work at so and so place, his mom may be a stay at home mom and do the cooking and cleaning etc. His job is to go to school, work his hardest at each class and get decent grades.
GEEZ...talk about normal. Take away ALL everything. Phone, tv, games everything until his attitude changes. Kids are professional kids. If you are not a pro Parent, he'll eat you for lunch. Everything. Make him earn everything back. Tell him to forget the words "want" and "like" They no longer exist. The tougher you are, the quicker the resolution.
He does not hate you by the way, that is just the best he can come up with, at the moment.
Great idea from Granny Fats! When I started reading the thread, that was my first thought. Perhaps the assignments became something he didn't know. Is there a new teacher involved? Or has the teacher had a personality change? Is there a bully stealing his homework, or being too distracting in class? I'm not sure if the grading is decided by teacher of school district. My 7th grade English class had 50 spelling words in test & 92% was an F. Then I went to another school district where 90% was an A.
Also, in elementary school 1 day, everyone in arithmetic class failed the 80 question homework test. So somehow were were all supposed to figure out what went wrong & get them right next day, plus we got 80 more questions. Felt I couldn't do it, so much pressure I got so silently mad at teacher, I sort of felt sick & asked to see nurse. In 8th grade, my science teacher gave a class test so hard everyone failed it.
In 7th grade modern math, algebra I guess, my brain just couldn't comprehend it, so I failed it. Not an I won't situation, an I can't situation.
Some English teachers try to teach things not thought of as English. My 7th grade English teacher tried to get us to learn all the kings & queens of England from 1200 to present! More than a little diffent than trying to learn spelling, puncution, where to start a new paragraph & arrange paragraphs in correct order, what's a noun, verb, adverb, etc. Hard enough already without the Kings & Queens of England. from 1200 to present. One student said this is History, not English. She said it's not History, it's English litter uh tour. So, your son just might be trying.
Is his English class 1st hour? Does he have to a long distance to walk & possibly late sometimes? I went to strict Jr Hi in 7th grade. Had to walk over a mile in any weather. They may have never closed for bad weather. Snow melted, refroze into ice. Tried walking up driveway across street, slid backwards. tried crawling up their driveway, slid backwards on pants knees! Found some footsteps frozen in ice, so cut through holding on to sides of houses, had to walk slow, still fell down several times. When I got near school, sand & salt on sidewalk, in era studded snowtires were allowed, they wondered why late?
Had to get yelled at by vice principal. Always chewed out for failing to be perfect. My 7th grade art class frightening as I could not draw anything like it might look like in real life 1-2 y/o ability.
Phy Ed a problem. Told to jump into swimming pool at 3.5' end. Didn't realize water would make legs bend, so head would go underwater. So I swallowed a bunch of chlorine & bumped elbow on pool edge.
Refused to play football in high school as I didn't wish to give/get injuries.
There are some teachers that lower grades for classroom behavior. One said grade goes down a grade for talking in class. Also said grade goes down 1 grade for chewing gum. So a C on days test became F if talking in class & chewing gum. Trust your boy until proven "guilty". Best wishes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Fats
I would set him down and ask him why HE thinks he failed.
I would set him down and ask him why HE thinks he failed.
Might be something else going on.
My two cents.
Agree. If someone has been an honor student and suddenly fails - don't just write it off by blaming the xbox. While that may well be the case, it deserves some close attention.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow
Keep talking to him, even if he acts like he's not listening. Tell him that you love him and want him to be successful and that it looks to you like using his electronics caused his grades to fail. Set out what he needs to do to get the electronics back. Ask him if there's anything else going on.
You need to stick to your guns, but be the adult and keep your end of the conversation civil and reasonable.
Good luck!
^^^ Great advice! Teen-agers are just plain HARD to live with. But you don't want one phase of their life to color all the others. I know parents and teen-agers that had such a contentious relationship during the teen years that they never really got over it. Teens grew into adults and everyone went their separate ways.
Be a parent - but continue to keep the lines of communication open if at all possible. One day, you will both be glad that you did.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237
For a 13 year old it would be great to allow on the weekend depending on the grades for that week..
Does the school do online grading reports???
Short term rewards work well...
Another excellent idea. If your son had a good week or did well on quiz's ~ x box might be available on Saturday.
My son is 13 yrs old. I got his report card, and he is failing on of his subjects: English. He normally gets good grades and is an honor student and has been since Elementary School. However, his grades started to decrease when I bought him an Xbox 1 (Christmas) and Smart Phone (Birthday.) When I saw he was failing, I took away his Xbox and phone until he brings his grades up. Now, he says he hates me and wants to run away. Any suggestions...?
Suggestions for what?
Your job is not to be adored or elevated through mercurial sentiments of a teenager who is by definition existing in perpetual angst.
Your job is to parent.
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