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Not sure if the child is doing this intentionally or not (I'm pretty sure he is) but whenever I tell my 7 year old anything such as picking up their shoes from the floor or cleaning up their mess from the table I get the eye roll big time and it's getting to the point that I feel like just reaching over and smacking him when he does it. It's not like I'm being unreasonable in requesting these things but he does it anytime I ask him to do anything. He does it to his mom also but either she doesn't notice or doesn't care but I find it pretty dang disrespectful when he does it to me. If I would have done such a thing at his age my parents would have smacked it out of me.
What can I do? Don't want to resort to having to smack him but holy crap it's driving me crazy.
You are not this child's parent....and honestly, you haven't done anything to earn this kids respect or more importantly, his trust.
From your posts, yYou treat him rather badly, always threatening to smack him - if you haven't already. (Oh, and the second you hit a kid, you've lost almost any chance of being seen as anything more than a bully. Are you going to hit his mom when she pisses you off?)
Be lucky all he is doing is rolling his eye at you. You have bigger problems than a kid rolling his eyes.
Sorry, but I didn't realize that this wasn't your official child. Yes, it does make a difference to children. Especially if the children have had other "non-official father figures" in the past.
For men in your situation it is essential for the biological mother to take the main role in discipline and for the two of you to agree on everything and show a strong united team to the children. If theirmom ignores eye rolling the children will never, ever consider it something inappropriate to do to whatever man is currently sleeping in mom's bed. Sorry, OP, that is all that you are to the children ---- someone sleeping in their mom's bed. And, they don't know if you will be there one night, one week, or one month. I have actually heard a child say those very words when describing their mom's current boyfriend.
Where did I get my knowledge of this type of situations? Thirty years of teaching in elementary schools (and listening to the students and parents talk about discipline problems), over 60 years of "life experiences" and a Masters degree in Child Development.
Also, it would be a good idea for all adults in the household to be extremely aware of just how much eye rolling THEY'RE doing. Raising eyebrows and rolling eyes are actually pretty common, in most households. Unfortunately, when the little buggers use it back AT them, it's "disrespectful". I'm not saying that it's NOT disrespectful, because it is. What I am saying though, is that the kid has more than likely seen it happen at home..a lot.
This is how we stopped it here....first, we disciplined ourselves to control those facial expressions...as in the adults, then older kids. Secondly, if one of my kids insisted on doing it...I did it back to them...repeatedly and very theatrically. We'd laugh, they'd realize how stupid they looked, and eventually, it stopped altogether.
I feel bad for you, because it does make a difference. It doesn't matter...really, that you're not the biological parent...he's being disrespectful. Ask yourself though, if you're interacting enough with this kid, other than correcting and disciplining him. Even biological parents, who don't give enough of themselves to their children, are going to have kids who don't respect them.
If the only way to get your parents' attention is through inappropriate behavior, well...that's what they're going to do, behave inappropriately. I mean, if you don't have anything NICE to say to a child, they're most likely not going to have anything nice to say to you. If you're not doing stuff with this kid...and they have "nothing to lose" in the relationship... you...will...not...have a good relationship with him.
You may bristle at the questions about whether you've bothered to marry your GF yet and insist it shouldn't matter, and that's fine if it's what you and your GF have decided together. But you have to understand that even if YOU think it shouldn't matter to you, that doesn't mean that it's irrelevant to your GF's son who you are trying to act as a pseudo-parent to. This is especially true if his mother had other boyfriends before you. Food for thought. There is a degree of permanence and security that having a real stepfather provides that having "that guy who sleeps in Mommy's bed and tells me what to do" doesn't.
With the eye rolling, I would not allow it and would come to a consensus with your girlfriend on an appropriate consequence. It's a rude and unattractive behavior that will spread to other adults (including teachers) in addition to being inappropriate at home as well.
As a long time eye-roller, I can tell you there is nothing you can do to stop it. I wasn't verbally disrespectful to my parents, but I rolled my eyes. Even now as an adult I have a terrible poker face. Some of us just wear our emotions on our face. This boy is one of those.
As a long time eye-roller, I can tell you there is nothing you can do to stop it. I wasn't verbally disrespectful to my parents, but I rolled my eyes. Even now as an adult I have a terrible poker face. Some of us just wear our emotions on our face. This boy is one of those.
rrah, are you saying that there is nothing that the child can do to stop his eye-rolling OR nothing that the OP can do to force his girl friend's son to stop eye-rolling?
If a child rolls his eyes at his parents but does not roll their eyes at their principal, minister, teachers, scout leader and other important adults in his life, I respectfully disagree and say, it IS something that the child can control.
As a long time eye-roller, I can tell you there is nothing you can do to stop it. I wasn't verbally disrespectful to my parents, but I rolled my eyes. Even now as an adult I have a terrible poker face. Some of us just wear our emotions on our face. This boy is one of those.
Certainly some people have a far easier time with self-control than others... but I would argue that no matter this child's ability, this is something he needs to try to learn to control. Even if his parents just decide to ignore it, what will happen 15 years from now when he rolls his eyes at his first boss? Or rolls his eyes at his mother in law and creates a lot of drama? There are some situations where eye rolling is simply another way to express oneself when venting among friends, and others where it could get you in a lot of trouble. Sounds like this kid is choosing the behavior specifically and I worry this isn't a pattern that it would be good to let him get into.
rrah, are you saying that there is nothing that the child can do to stop his eye-rolling OR nothing that the OP can do to force his girl friend's son to stop eye-rolling?
If a child rolls his eyes at his parents but does not roll their eyes at their principal, minister, teachers, scout leader and other important adults in his life, I respectfully disagree and say, it IS something that the child can control.
It doesn't take much effort to roll your eyes. I've always done it without thinking.
It doesn't take much effort to roll your eyes. I've always done it without thinking.
But, do you do it when your boss is telling you to do something? Or your bosses boss? Or your graduate school advisor? Or a police officer who is considering whether or not to let you off or to "throw the book at you"? Or a mugger? Or your future in laws? Or the minister or your spouse at your wedding? Or your new next door neighbor?
My point, is that sometimes it can have much more serious repercussions than just rolling your eyes at your friend when they say something stupid when you are drinking at a bar. Perhaps you should start to learn how to control your eye rolling and stop "doing it without thinking".
My husband also does this for any request I make. I wonder what his mom did to combat this. He claims its unintentional.
If my husband did this to me, I would give him a Gibbs style forward assist!
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