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If having a car was part of the deal when you hired her, then you would be justified to let her go. i disagree completely that you can assume she has enough money for a car based on what you pay her. People have different priorities and there are many variables. Cars are expensive.
a four year old takes the bus?
Speech therapy once a week at the elementary school.
NOT a parent, so perhaps not the viewpoint you want, but it seems to me that everyone should have the qualifications for the job they're hired to do, and that sometimes job descriptions change and we must be able to adapt. Taking care of babies/young toddlers is an entirely different ballgame than caring for four active toddlers. Not that a 350 pound lady COULDN'T chase after these kids, but I would say the odds are somewhat against her being able to provide that level of activity and energy they need. When my nephews were 4 and 2, my husband and I spent an evening babysitting them, and we thought we were going to collapse by the time the parents got home. We were mid-20s at the time and in decent shape, too.
MORE concerning for me, though, is the car situation. A nanny should have a car -- not just to get to/from work, but heaven forbid -- what if an emergency happened with your boys? She could call an ambulance, sure, but there are so many things that wouldn't warrant an ambulance call but would warrant a trip in the car to the minor med/urgent care. Also, as the kids get older, they will start to have more activities, and they will need transportation to those events.
I understand your kids love her, and that's hard. But they (particularly the 2 year olds) are young enough to where they could easily love another nanny, too.
If you let her go, give her generous severance and let her know that she can use you as a reference (assuming all else was well?).
Definitely you need to find someone that can actively play with the boys and have their own transportation. You have given your current nanny more than enough help. In cases like this I think the parents get emotionally attached to the nanny as well because she is doing such a great job with 4 kids!!!
You have to look out for your and your children's best interest. Maybe do a split shift with a new nanny? The old nanny works half the day and a new one comes for the rest?
I'd at least interview people on the weekends/ when she's not around and see the alternatives. $750/ week is good money for sure, but I think it may be difficult to find a good nanny for 4 boys.
In my 20's at my best weight and health I would not have been able to care for 4 little boys so I can imagine this woman is really having a hard time-if done right!
Don't bash his wife because she chooses to work. I have a friend that is a much better mother because she works. We need to stop judging.
I think you are justified in finding an employee you want and the best for your children. If the children are attached to her it will be hard but kids are stronger than we give them credit for.
I do like the severance pay in lieu of notice. It makes things a bit less tense all around. Good luck!
Well, if you really like and trust her--weight issues aside--have you thought about getting a third car and letting her drive it to and from work, her only, she pays tickets, etc.?
Might be the best solution, rather than vetting and trying out one or more new nannies, then terminating the old one with a generous severance.
She is paid $750 a week by us! That's not enough to afford an inexpensive car?
Do you know what her expenses are? For all you know she's supports sick family members in Podunk. It's not up to you to decide whether or not she should be able to afford a car. Your decision should be made on whether or not she's a good nanny for your kids. And the effect her leaving would have on your kids. JMHO.
p.s. Think about how much she'd have to spend for even an inexpensive car these days. Never mind the fact that if she drives your kids it may be in a junker that she CAN afford. Were I you, and she was a good nanny who provided good care for my kids, I'd be thinking outside the box.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 02-27-2014 at 11:09 AM..
We tried that twice. Mommy had a real hard time with it. We have no relatives and friends in the area so it was just too much stress on my wife to stay home with the boys. Even as a very hands on dad, she wasn't getting any outside help and trying to deal with triplet infants and another young child is very tough. Most are pushed to the limit with 2 small kids. We made the decision for everyone's mental health to let mommy goto work and then we both deal with the kids on nights and weekends. Daddy (me) has to work because my wife doesn't make enough to support us by herself.
Seriously take into consideration that your current nanny can handle the stress your wife couldn't. You can't say that about every nanny. Some might take the stress out on your children. Children do get very attached to their nannies. When they leave, it's like a parenting leaving. Some families don't realize nannies aren't easily interchangeable from the children's perspective, especially if the nanny was the children's caregiver since birth.
Many employers provide nannies with vehicles because of the safety issue of nannies owning older vehicles. Plus it's not fair to expect a nanny to have wear and tear on their car and the gasoline expenses of driving children around.
Another way to think outside the box is to allow her to take your children at lunchtime to drive her husband to work. The only thing preventing her from bringing a car to work is her husband needing to get to work in the middle of the day. This way, she can come to work with her car, take the children with her to pick up her husband and drop him off at work, then come back with the car to have when it's time for her to go home at the end of the day. She can pick her husband up when he gets off work since it's much later than her quit time.
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