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I have an online friend who is divorced. She raised her two children and they both are doing well in their chosen paths. Neither of them are married yet and there are no grandchildren on the horizon.
My friend feels sad and maybe a little "unneeded" now that her adult children are spreading their wings in the world. I want to help her feel better about this new phase of her life but don't have this experience yet as my little ones are still little. I'm truly sorry that she's hurting so much though.
Are there any books, articles, websites that you found helpful when transitioning to your "empty nest"? Do you have any words of wisdom to share that I can pass along to her?
Maybe she could do some babysitting or volunteer for something with kids - boys and girls club - ask at local schools what she could do.
If she is REALLY desperate, she could become a school bus driver - that would cure her urge to be around kids with a quickness! (Maybe permanently for life? )
her time is now to focus on what she wants in life. travel or new hobbies eve volunteering. she will get used to an empty nest and love it. it just takes a bit of time
I laughed out loud at the being cured of it by bus driving. I give our school bus driver a thank you gift at Christmas and the end of the school year. I adore my two Energizer Bunnies. I can't begin to imagine having them and a bus load just like them AND trying to drive safely. lol
What's all this about needing to be needed? Now that she's pretty much done with raising her kids, tell her she now has society's permission to be selfish AND enjoy it! Tell her to find an activity that appeals to her and INDULGE IT! Especially now, while there are no grandkids whose parents will be needing a sitter from time to time.
Truthfully, I tried that and it wasn't received well. I told her that she should be proud to have single-handedly raised her children to be law-abiding, self-respecting, socially responsible adults who don't need her daily. I think she's just sad and feels like her "purpose" is done. I don't agree, but I thought it would help to hear from those who've BTDT.
I've BTDT. I didn't leave my house even to go to the mailbox the first few weeks. I kept it all to myself because I didn't want to drag him down. When I didn't hear from him, I told myself it was good, he was happy and doing what he should be doing. That didn't mean it wasn't hard for me to suddenly have this empty void in my daily life. It took a few months to get used to the quietness and to start focusing on finding my own purpose and identity again.
It can be harder for parents who don't want to let go. Her feeling unneeded instead of recognizing they're doing what they should be doing is a sign that she's not ready to get out of her rut and propel herself into the next phase of her life. She could become clinically depressed.
There aren't any good websites, meet-up groups, or support groups (at least not in my area). I looked. There was one forum, but it wasn't very active and the responses took days to weeks so it didn't really help. I suspect there isn't much of a need because most people adjust fairly quickly and move on.
The most you are likely to find are some great articles that might help her understand what she's going through and what se needs to do to overcome it. It's called empty nest syndrome. There are psychology articles about it.
Truthfully, I tried that and it wasn't received well. I told her that she should be proud to have single-handedly raised her children to be law-abiding, self-respecting, socially responsible adults who don't need her daily. I think she's just sad and feels like her "purpose" is done. I don't agree, but I thought it would help to hear from those who've BTDT.
This is what happened to my sister who is married and raised 5 kids. She had a very hard time after the first three left, even though she still had two at home. When the last one packed up and left, she went into a kind of depression for a while.
She said the weird thing was, all the time she had kids, the thing that bugged her the most were the dishes. She'd do the dishes and be putting them in the cupboard and someone would come along and take one out, it bugged her that there would always be at least one dish in the sink or country, left on the table or somewhere. She would hope that just once every dish would be clean and put away and stay put away. After her last kid packed up for college, she did the dishes that night, got them put away, the next morning it was just a couple dishes or bowls from breakfast which she got put away.
That evening she came home from work and not one dish or fork was out, nothing on the counter, or the table and she broke down crying.
Another sister took it very hard -- as did her husband, and she said sometimes she was doing okay but would look at the family dog laying by the door waiting for one of the kids to come home and that would get to her. She said however you get over it -- less than a year later they were all back for Christmas and one had his large pack of friends and they were going through her pantry and refrigerator gobbling up everything in sight the way they used to, one was tearing apart the closet looking for something. She said suddenly she realized that she had become used to the peace and quiet and orderliness.
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