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Old 03-25-2014, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,475,124 times
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As for the comments about abortion, it is my opinion, following much experience with this kind of stuff myself (though not exactly the same) that sometimes teens DO say things just to be mean. It's also my opinion, with no backup from any mental health source, that such talk shouldn't be tolerated. You can say something like, "That's inappropriate and we need to talk about the subject at hand". I will also say, in solidarity with the OP, it's sometimes very hard to remain calm and dispassionate in these types of situations.

Last edited by Katarina Witt; 03-25-2014 at 03:00 PM..
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:05 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,836,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
Oh its been a bumpy 9th grade. If my son would only make an effort with school work, he would be a wonderful student. He now has a 1.8 GPA and I am just beside myself. He just dosnt get it. He is smart (with study, he can get B's and A'). He is a sea cadet and thrives there and gets all that paperwork done before it is due. He plays rugby and football. He gets them taken away from him often due to grades.

But school work ; he is just allergic to it. I have done everything possible ; bribe him, etc and nothing works. His CO spoke to him, that didn't work. His teachers spoke to him, nothing.

He wants to go into the Coast Guard and knows the GPA is a min of 2.00.

Today I was told that I should have had an abortion and then I wouldn't have had to shout at him for his grades. Boy that hurt as we went thru years of fertility treatments to have our kids.

Just nothing seems to work. He is a good decent kid only for this and I know I should be tanking my lucky stars, but I just don't want his dreams to be dashed because of his lack of effort.
I think someone else suggested this, but I will second the idea.

Let him know that he has a study table at home. Let him have a short break after school for a snack and a bit of rest.

The Homework Doctor is In...

Excerpted from The Homework Plan: A Parent's Guide to Helping Kids Excel by Linda Sonna, Ph.D.

Quote:
PARENT'S HOMEWORK TIP LIST
by Linda Sonna, Ph.D.

This article may be copied and distributed without permission if the source is given as follows:

Excerpted from The Homework Plan: A Parent's Guide to Helping Kids Excel by Linda Sonna, Ph.D.

Don't assume students will choose to study if given an option. DO provide the structure students need by holding a study hall at home each school night.

Don't banish kids to their bedrooms where they are free to romp and roam, piddle and play. DO have them study at a central location where you can monitor, such as the kitchen table.

Don't expect kids to study unsupervised. DO join them at the table to read, pay bills, do a craft project, paint your fingernails, or pursue another quiet activity whenever possible.

Don't allow kids to study with the TV or stereo on. DO set a timer & have the whole family observe quiet time during the study hall--provide puzzles and crayons for toddlers and ask them to whisper; put infants in a nearby playpen filled with toys.

Don't play "homework detective" to learn what has been assigned and when everything is due. DO hold a study hall at home each day for the same length of time WHETHER OR NOT students have assignments, materials, or appear to be working.

Don't bribe or punish to get kids to bring home books and do assignments. DO let boredom serve as a motivator by continuing to hold a study hall each night.

Don't scold kids who talk, sleep, or doodle. DO time interruptions (both "good" and "bad," no matter who was "at fault") and extend the study hall to compensate students for lost time (add the time missed plus two minutes per interruption). Make sure students get their full time to study, no matter what!

Don't teach, tutor, or assume responsibility for homework. DO play educational games and provide FUN ways to learn.

Don't complain about students' poor ability to organize, concentrate, manage responsibility, plan ahead, etc. DO learn how to teach these crucial skills yourself.

Don't give up before YOU'VE done YOUR homework! DO remember that for every homework problem, there really is a solution!

Last edited by Jaded; 03-25-2014 at 11:27 PM.. Reason: Fixed Copyright
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:55 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,565,345 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sojj View Post
Malamute - this is a classic symptom of trauma. Such as rape. Hopefully not that traumatic - but something traumatic that she doesn't want to talk about. The death of a close friend, a humiliating breakup, many things could be at the root of it. If she doesn't want to talk to family about it, perhaps a therapist could help.
I don't think that was the case with her. I feel she always found school easy, when it started to get harder, she burned out or lost interest. A kid who always got As can actually be devastated when they tried hard and got Cs for the first time, but a kid who got Cs earlier on may not be as devastated when they get one later and might not give up.

Some kids are late bloomers, others peak early. It would be interesting to see actual figures showing successful colkege graduates' grades at certain years or see how many straight A 6th graders outperform others in the end.
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Old 03-25-2014, 04:03 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,565,345 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
As for the comments about abortion, it is my opinion, following much experience with this kind of stuff myself (though not exactly the same) that sometimes teens DO say things just to be mean. It's also my opinion, with no backup from any mental health source, that such talk shouldn't be tolerated. You can say something like, "That's inappropriate and we need to talk about the subject at hand". I will also say, in solidarity with the OP, it's sometimes very hard to remain calm and dispassionate in these types of situations.
I would tell the kid that said something like that that I would never have aborted him or any of my kids, and that I always loved him and that's why I nag him, I just want him to have a good life. Good grades can help him have it easier and it's for him not ne.

We used to say we didn't ask to be born, an adopted cousin would tell her parents she didn't ask to be adopted. Kids just throe stuff like that out, probably to derail the conversation.
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Old 03-25-2014, 04:45 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,831,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I don't think that was the case with her. I feel she always found school easy, when it started to get harder, she burned out or lost interest. A kid who always got As can actually be devastated when they tried hard and got Cs for the first time, but a kid who got Cs earlier on may not be as devastated when they get one later and might not give up.
It could be her high school didn't prepare her via grading too easily. It happened to my sister. She didn't get her first B until she was in college. K-12 was always straight A's. She had four years of French in high school but wasn't prepared for French in college at all. She wrote an article about it. Anyways, she still succeeded and went on to her Ph.D. It was just notable that the public school education didn't prepare her for the top tier university she chose. She stuck with it and did very well though.

Another factor could be homework. Some high school students get good grades because the homework raises their grade. In college, it's mostly lectures and exams. Students who don't test well and rely on homework to have good grades often struggle in college. I was the type that aced every test without studying---just listening in class. Homework would drag down my grade a bit because I never did homework. My children were the same way. A science teacher told me college would be a breeze for my children because college doesn't have homework pulling up grades (or down in our case lol). He said he was forced to design his grading that way so some kids could pass. And he was right. My children and me all found college to be effortless.
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Old 03-25-2014, 04:56 PM
 
4,475 posts, read 6,669,501 times
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Our biggest problem is that the school does all of its work on computers; nothing done via books. So he has absolutely nothing to bring home to study. Everything is done in class, the PowerSchool is the only way for him or us to see his grades, and he refuses to give us the info and the school refuses as well. But then the school sends us letters telling us hes failing and for us to check his PowerSchool which nobody will give us the sign-in info for.
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:17 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,831,238 times
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Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
Our biggest problem is that the school does all of its work on computers; nothing done via books. So he has absolutely nothing to bring home to study. Everything is done in class, the PowerSchool is the only way for him or us to see his grades, and he refuses to give us the info and the school refuses as well. But then the school sends us letters telling us hes failing and for us to check his PowerSchool which nobody will give us the sign-in info for.
I guarantee you that he could study at home via computer. The textbooks are online and can be accessed anywhere in the world, even your house. It's really strange that the school refuses to give you the info to access his grades. Parents have online access to the grade books here. I would request the sign-in info via certified letter. If that didn't work, I'd call the Superintendent. I'd switch schools if I had to.
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:18 PM
 
20,793 posts, read 61,185,650 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pythonis View Post
Our biggest problem is that the school does all of its work on computers; nothing done via books. So he has absolutely nothing to bring home to study. Everything is done in class, the PowerSchool is the only way for him or us to see his grades, and he refuses to give us the info and the school refuses as well. But then the school sends us letters telling us hes failing and for us to check his PowerSchool which nobody will give us the sign-in info for.
Is he over 18?
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Old 03-25-2014, 06:03 PM
 
4,475 posts, read 6,669,501 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I guarantee you that he could study at home via computer. The textbooks are online and can be accessed anywhere in the world, even your house. It's really strange that the school refuses to give you the info to access his grades. Parents have online access to the grade books here. I would request the sign-in info via certified letter. If that didn't work, I'd call the Superintendent. I'd switch schools if I had to.
He isnt allowed on the computer at home after breaking 2 kindles and other reasons. We've told the school about the powerschool issue and they say they can only give the info to the student which he conveniently forgets to request.

As for the age of him, he turned 18 in December but as long as hes still in school and living under our roof he's still going to have rules. He simply has no desire to try for good grades. He can tell you all about super heroes, vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, ray-guns etc but when it comes to practical knowledge he closes up and refuse to care or even try. He also has the "home is for fun; school is for study" philosophy.

but thats us and we're not the focus of this thread; the OP is. Hope she's figuring things out better than we are.

Last edited by pythonis; 03-25-2014 at 06:33 PM..
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Old 03-25-2014, 06:11 PM
 
5,047 posts, read 5,778,062 times
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Our teachers will give us any info we want ; we have had any meetings with the teachers and with our son involved.
Today he came home, had no distractions of phones or computers had all his books on the coffee table, had all his homework done. He was given a choice between football and rugby ; no electronics at all and they are gone for the foreseeable future. He dosnt need a cell phone ; school has a phone if its an emergency and we have a landline at home.

I put an email to the resource teacher who he will go to every now and then to proof his work. He also asked for help in french.

I agree ; teenagers have a way to really make us feel bad ; its their way of seeing how far we will go. They also think they know it all and test the limits to prove that. What kills me is that he has every single option, help and support if he chooses it. Its up to him to grab the opportunities and run with them.

Thank you all for the opinions, advice and insight. it helps to know we are not alone and that we will get thru this. If all our problems are this bad, we are doing something right.
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