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WAY too much pressure for an 8 year old. She should be playing kickball and American Girl Dolls with her friends and not stressing over getting A+'s....do they even GIVE A+'s in 2nd grade?? I can tell you the quickest way to make her totally uninterested in doing ANYTHING is to put this kind of pressure on her...
I think that "go getting" is done out of necessity. She has a roof over her head, you pay the bills, she knows that she's going to get food when she wants it, she doesnt have any NEED at this point to "go get" as she seems content surfing the web and playing with twitter (or whatever it is that she does).
I think that at this point, just teach her right from wrong and hopefully the "light" will go on for her at some point.
How much of a "go getter' are you? Maybe just lead by example and hope the light goes on but first and foremost, raise a quality child, raise a person who knows right from wrong and has respect for her elders and respect for society in general...after that, its out of your hands, you can't really make someone do something they don't want to do, sometimes the light goes on and people who seem like slackers can gain a burning desire to be great at something, but i dont know if there's reallyt anything you can do at this point in the "go get" dept. ....nagging her to death isnt going to work, i don't think.
As a parent, you can set certain expectations like doing homework, practice an instrument, clean your room, etc. In our household, there is homework time and then there is free time. We also try to encourage our kids in every way possible without ramming it down their throats. Your daughter is still very young so you still have much time to work with her. My only advice is watch the pressure at the early age. Let your kiddo be a kiddo as much as possible.
With that said though, your daughter may continue to be a "slacker" throughout her school years. You can lead a horse to water but getting that darned thing to drink is another matter......There is quite a bit of "slacker" in my own daughter and that makes me very sad because we've tried doing all that is possible to motive her, try to improve her work ethic, etc. This year she seems to be making improvements in school at the age of 14 but still not up to par with many of her peers. It has been a long frustrating road. I think that it is just part of her personality quite frankly.
I feel for you. I remember watching my daughter run on the cross country team in Middle School a few years ago. She is a strong, perfectly capable girl. She came in almost in last place hardly breaking a sweat and not even trying. I watched another girl....pretty overweight....face beet red with effort as her team mates were urging her on. She was putting every bit of will power into that run and when she finished, it was like she had climbed a mountain. She came in almost 5 minutes before my barely running daughter did. Was I disappointed...hell yeah. I didn't expect her to win the race but at least try. This example also applies to piano, soccer, homework, etc.
I think that some kids just don't get it, no matter what the parent does. As they get older and into the adult world, I think there are some harsh realities ahead of them. In my less patient moments with my daughter, I do tell her...."Well the world does need dishwashers, janitors and McDonald's workers."
Good luck to you and don't let any overly critical posters put you down for your concerns. Just keep on trying and plugging away. Some kids will get it, some never will.
I need some advise with my daughter who is 8 years old. She goes to school. She is not A+ student. She is average. Also in sports. She is very average. In Piano, she is in the same level for past two years. In Swimming she is not moving to next level. She started swimming at age of 4. She knows how to swim. She is in the swim team but she always comes last person. She is very slow in everything she does. Never double checks her H.W. I can find so many mistake (care less mistake). She doesn't even write her own name or date is missing. Spelling and etc.. I have to tell her every day same thing. Write your name, date and etc.. etc...
She doesn't even like to eat. I have to tell her to eat million times. I have to keep bugging her.
I see no fire in her, she is not excelling to next level. She doesn't like to work hard. Only thing she likes to do watch T.V or Netflix. or Play on the laptop or Iphone or Ipad. On Weekends, she likes to play Sony play station Wii. Every day she wants to paly with her sister who is four years younger to her.
I told her million times, work hard. She keeps saying she will. But I see no improvement.
What I am doing wrong? How do I make this kid go-getter?
Let's do the math on this. You say your daughter is "average." Average is at or near the mean. On the bell curve of natural ability, IQs and other things, the mean is in the middle. So your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve, where the largest percentage of people belong. They are in the middle because the middle is most common, thus you have no reason for concern, even if she were older. Her younger age makes being average even less of a worry. Maybe she's just a laid back kid. Did you know children aren't just little adults? You should be concerned if she were failing. As for her eating habits, considering how obese our country is, you should be very grateful she doesn't like to eat and not force the issue.
Addendum: Great topic for discussion, IMO.
Last edited by Jaded; 03-29-2014 at 12:24 AM..
Reason: Removed comment regarding OP
my daughter is a slacker.. How do I make her go-getter
Sheesh, leave her alone! She's EIGHT! Some people are just average - that means they fall along the scale of human behavior about in line with the majority of other people. That's why they call it AVERAGE.
At 8, you have no idea (nor does anyone else) whether she'll end up being average, above average, below average - and what does it matter? She's your daughter, not a trophy achiever to make mom (or dad, as the case may be) feel better about him/herself.
LEAVE HER ALONE. Everybody doesn't excel. Everybody doesn't HAVE to excel. Maybe she will find something that lights her world on fire - but with you standing there constantly dousing the flames with your wet-blanket attitude, there's a good chance you'll spoil it for her before she even gets started.
LEAVE THE CHILD ALONE.
Last edited by Jaded; 03-29-2014 at 12:26 AM..
Reason: Removed comment regarding OP
As a parent, you can set certain expectations like doing homework, practice an instrument, clean your room, etc. In our household, there is homework time and then there is free time. We also try to encourage our kids in every way possible without ramming it down their throats. Your daughter is still very young so you still have much time to work with her. My only advice is watch the pressure at the early age. Let your kiddo be a kiddo as much as possible.
With that said though, your daughter may continue to be a "slacker" throughout her school years. You can lead a horse to water but getting that darned thing to drink is another matter......There is quite a bit of "slacker" in my own daughter and that makes me very sad because we've tried doing all that is possible to motive her, try to improve her work ethic, etc. This year she seems to be making improvements in school at the age of 14 but still not up to par with many of her peers. It has been a long frustrating road. I think that it is just part of her personality quite frankly.
I feel for you. I remember watching my daughter run on the cross country team in Middle School a few years ago. She is a strong, perfectly capable girl. She came in almost in last place hardly breaking a sweat and not even trying. I watched another girl....pretty overweight....face beet red with effort as her team mates were urging her on. She was putting every bit of will power into that run and when she finished, it was like she had climbed a mountain. She came in almost 5 minutes before my barely running daughter did. Was I disappointed...hell yeah. I didn't expect her to win the race but at least try. This example also applies to piano, soccer, homework, etc.
I think that some kids just don't get it, no matter what the parent does. As they get older and into the adult world, I think there are some harsh realities ahead of them. In my less patient moments with my daughter, I do tell her...."Well the world does need dishwashers, janitors and McDonald's workers."
Good luck to you and don't let any overly critical posters put you down for your concerns. Just keep on trying and plugging away. Some kids will get it, some never will.
Great post. Sounds like my 12 y/o daughter. She is very creative at a lot of things, except for school work, chores, etc... We don't push her excpet for school work. We do encourage her in sports, where she is similar to your daughter. We have about given up on her doing chores, which is why she doesn't get allowance.
Like other posters have said, each child is different. My 14 y/o is a straight A honor student. She will be taking college level classes next year. She comes home and goes right to her room and works on homework/study until bedtime. She does chores and excels in sports.
We can only encourage, set examples, etc... Each child has to make their own decisions as they get older. (As in the OP's case, 8 years old is a little young to expect much). I have a 7 year old and I understand that he is 7. But he is very bright and good at sports, so that's a plus!
Let's do the math on this. You say your daughter is "average." Average is at or near the mean. On the bell curve of natural ability, IQs and other things, the mean is in the middle. So your daughter is in the middle of the bell curve, where the largest percentage of people belong. They are in the middle because the middle is most common, thus you have no reason for concern, even if she were older. Her younger age makes being average even less of a worry. Maybe she's just a laid back kid. Did you know children aren't just little adults? You should be concerned if she were failing. As for her eating habits, considering how obese our country is, you should be very grateful she doesn't like to eat and not force the issue.
...
Parents need to understand that average is fine.
She is 8 years old, just let her be herself.
Try to look at your daughter's skills/behavior as the "glass half full" rather than the "glass half empty". She plays the piano, she enjoys swimming, she does her homework, she enjoys a variety of leisure activities, and she loves her little sister and enjoys playing with her. She sounds like a great little girl.
It doesn't sound like your daughter is a slacker. It sounds like she isn't competitive. My 7 yr old is like that. He wanted to join track team through the parks department. He doesn't complain about practice and is typically "average" at it. Then the time to register for meets came. He didn't want to do them. He wanted to continue track. (run, exercise, commit time, be around friends) but didn't want to compete formally at the meets. That doesn't make him lazy or a "slacker", it just makes him non-competitive. My 4 1/2 yr old is completely different. She started running along the side of the track during my sons practices (she wasn't old enough to join). She would stand by us and do all of the exercises the track members did. She can now beat some of the youngest members in short races and does a happy dance at the end. She has a natural competitive spirit. I'm in the military and I think I have a natural competitive streak. It bothers me a little bit to not see that in my son but he's happy, healthy, and has a sense of calm that I've never had. For now try to be happy that her grades aren't bad and that she is still swimming. If she starts failing through lack of effort, then consider her a slacker and help her want to do better. But right now it sounds like you have a content confident girl that doesn't have to be #1, or "the best" to be happy with herself. Sounds like you've done good by your daughter, why don't you learn from her and not stress so much?
Dont push the wee girl too much... its not healthy.. she sounds fine the way she is....and she cant be the way you were.... my four children are all totally different... I have one laid back son who could lie in bed all day when young, but because his asthma was so bad I tried to understand that he might be different.. another son was very competitive at all sports, and still is in his forties... and as brothers their so different. one lacks all ambition and the other is very ambitious.. every child cant be an achiever at all things... and being pushed could be harmful.... she seems lovely to me
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