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Old 03-31-2014, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
16,405 posts, read 27,286,061 times
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if they were taught responsibility they would never have to come back home, they would have had a savings of emergency to fall back on till they got another job.
unemployment happens to any one of us, but if your smart you have a savings for a rainy day, and dont let yourself go broke and homeless.
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Old 03-31-2014, 12:06 PM
 
23,374 posts, read 13,434,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightcrawler View Post
if they were taught responsibility they would never have to come back home, they would have had a savings of emergency to fall back on till they got another job.
unemployment happens to any one of us, but if your smart you have a savings for a rainy day, and dont let yourself go broke and homeless.
Said someone who did not work for Enron.

I think the very idea of "move out and never come back" is simply a bad social idea. It's really only one generation old anyway--purely another broken Boomer concept that's likely to be shown as defective as it really is by the time we Boomers are dead.
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Old 03-31-2014, 12:13 PM
 
47,531 posts, read 63,755,488 times
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Originally Posted by Billy_J View Post
In Hawaii, where homes can cost $1 million or more, it is common for adult children to move in with their parents - spouse, children, and all! They simply can't afford their own home. (They add on rooms to the house.)

So far as I am concerned, if they are pulling their weight around the house, helping with yard work and chores, behaving - not causing trouble, then they would be welcome forever.

If they are lazy mooches who are fat and never lift a finger to help - want to sit in front of the TV all day, then they are NOT welcome!
You see a lot of that in Mexico and other Central American nations, I suspect it's the norm in third world nations and really helps bring labor costs down. It's far easier to accept much below living wage, part time jobs and no jobs when mom and dad provide most of your support. Having 5 or 6 nuclear familes under one roof can make things pretty crowded. Here on the border it isn't unusual to see 3 families living in a run down single wide trailer. If the 4 or 5 low wage earners pool their income, they can make the payments.
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Old 03-31-2014, 12:17 PM
 
47,531 posts, read 63,755,488 times
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Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk View Post
Said someone who did not work for Enron.

I think the very idea of "move out and never come back" is simply a bad social idea. It's really only one generation old anyway--purely another broken Boomer concept that's likely to be shown as defective as it really is by the time we Boomers are dead.
It isn't one generation in my family. My great grandparents had their own home, both sets of grandparents had their own home, all aunts and uncles had their own home, and all cousins that i know of grew up and have their own homes.

Then again, mine is a big family on both sides. It would be hard for 5 or 6 or more kids to remain dependent on the parents their whole lives and for 40 or more cousins to live under the same roof.
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Old 03-31-2014, 01:45 PM
 
Location: NYC
18,866 posts, read 12,063,241 times
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Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
There is more stories in the news about mature adults between 35-55 moving back with their parents or even grandparents due to job loss and economic crisis.

If your adult child was over 35 years old and showed up at your door step to move in our of economic desperation how long could they live with you? What rules would you set for them? Or would you rather pay for their living expenses in their own place until they could get back on their feet?
It is my understanding that if you adult child is going through financial hardships it is a concern but if they are not going through financial difficulty and have the means to find employment then they should pay rent and also start looking for a place immediately once they secure employment.

Any child that gets complacent about moving back should be asked to leave or pay normal rent.
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Old 03-31-2014, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
16,276 posts, read 28,823,943 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
There is more stories in the news about mature adults between 35-55 moving back with their parents or even grandparents due to job loss and economic crisis.

If your adult child was over 35 years old and showed up at your door step to move in our of economic desperation how long could they live with you? What rules would you set for them? Or would you rather pay for their living expenses in their own place until they could get back on their feet?
I would wonder what I did wrong first.

Second I would wish them well in their life.

Here are our rules:

1. Our kids can stay in our home as long as they are working on getting an education, meaning first Bachelor degree, First Masters, First Doctorare, PHd, or MD. After that they are on their own.

2. They can also stay in our home if they are working or looking for work right out of high school if the choice is to not go to school. They will save for a place of their own though.

3. If they are saving to buy a home of their own while they are working we will also help them. They will still pay rent and have to show us that they are saving money.

By age 35 or older I would think that they would have made it in life by then.
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Old 03-31-2014, 01:58 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 4,047,314 times
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
What's going to be hard for all these kids who could never achieve independence and self-reliance is what becomes of them after their parents are gone? Then who will take care of them?
They go get a job. My thought is no one else is going to take care of them.

I knew a man who lived with one relative after another. Always working on the college degree, always moving from one job to the next or, most often, not working for extended periods of time. This was up until he died young, while he was living with his mother. Everyone he lived with felt the financial drain of taking care of him. On top of that, he was difficult to deal with, and in later years, appeared to be engaging in some drug use. That's not the kind of child I would welcome home.

My children are welcome back if they need a place to stay, as long as they clean up behind themselves, are respectful, and are working on their goals (finding employment, finishing school, saving for a place).
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Summit
400 posts, read 679,853 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightcrawler View Post
if they were taught responsibility they would never have to come back home, they would have had a savings of emergency to fall back on till they got another job.
unemployment happens to any one of us, but if your smart you have a savings for a rainy day, and dont let yourself go broke and homeless.
That's like saying if you went to 4th grade, you would know when to use "you're" and "your." We may have been taught better, but mistakes happen.
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:28 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
14,785 posts, read 20,916,241 times
Reputation: 26861
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightcrawler View Post
if they were taught responsibility they would never have to come back home, they would have had a savings of emergency to fall back on till they got another job.
unemployment happens to any one of us, but if your smart you have a savings for a rainy day, and dont let yourself go broke and homeless.

And how many children do you have ? and are your perfect cause your thinking is from a perfect world which is not going to happen ...never , ever ..You are a father or a mother for life not until they are 18 or over . Jeeze back in the 1950s it was not uncommon to have a set of grandparents living with you . why is everyone acting like this is doom and gloom . It is not doom and gloom to have your kids living with you .
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Old 03-31-2014, 03:52 PM
 
6,061 posts, read 13,814,710 times
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It's not just kids moving in with parents, though that is what the media likes to focus on the most.

There are also parents who cannot or will not support themselves (and I'm not talking retired/elderly parents...) who move in with their adult children.

My mother is one of these. She goes from child to child until the child she moves in with gets fed up and passes her off to another adult child. She's healthy, a high school graduate, can read and write, and has people skills. There's nothing wrong with her, and the only thing keeping her from getting better jobs is herself. But she has always refused to better herself in any way (learn job skills/get training/go to college/etc.) and so she settles for part-time minimum wage jobs and therefor has never been able to support herself. She bums off her adult kids.

When we were kids, she got child support and let people live with us who helped pitch in to cover the rent and bills (and boxes of wine...). She also had her parents give her money to help cover things, and we were given hand-me-down clothes from neighbors and others who felt sorry for us. Ironically, my mother would take handouts from friends, neighbors, family, and strangers, but refused to apply for any government assistance like food stamps or reduced/free lunch programs at our schools.

Anyway - I just wanted to point out that it goes both ways. Whatever the situation, you have an enabler or willing caretaker/provider and a person unable or unwilling to stand on their own two feet. You can't have one without the other. If there isn't an enabler, then the person would have to figure out how to put their big girl panties on and be a grown up.

We've also had this discussion before on C-D. I pointed out before that it's totally normal in many cultures around the world to have several generations of people living under the same roof. America is just weird that way, where we think we all need to live separate. My hubby and I would be totally fine with our adult kids and grandkids living with us one day, but we would not tolerate freeloading. They would have to either be working or in school or be involved in something productive and good.
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