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Old 04-03-2014, 12:15 AM
 
Location: New York city
133 posts, read 136,108 times
Reputation: 275

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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Your key phrase is "growing up". That is very different than when "adults" are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and are still dependent on their parents for all of their needs. Imagine someone who is 35 or 45 or 55 and they have never held a regular job, never successfully lived on their own, never handled their own finances and perhaps never even learned to cook or clean. Now imagine that their parents pass away. I assume that it would be extremely difficult for that "adult" to manage on their own.
I have never heard of those adults just keeling over and not making it or unable to care for themselves just because their parents passed away or could no longer care for them... I find it so unlikely. Like I said, some things are instinctual.

Also, more than likely someone who is dependent on their parents into their 30s, 40s and 50s have parents who can afford to do it, and I'll bet some sort of inheritance or money is left behind for the son/daughter to continue to live on.

Sometimes we don't do things not because we are unable or not know how, but simply because we do not want to. For instance, I have never mowed a lawn, but I have watched it be done more times than I can count. If I could never have anyone mow my lawn again, I wouldn't be doomed to have an awful yard. I'd be fine since I've seen it be done a billion times.

I'm saying that these adults probably always have had the ability to care for themselves but never had any real want, need, or reason. And of course why would they? Why bother if it can be done for you?
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Old 04-03-2014, 06:31 PM
 
16,905 posts, read 19,686,127 times
Reputation: 16960
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChuteTheMall View Post
And we have countless millions on welfare, living off the government, because they never had to support themselves.

Kick your kids out of Mom's basement for their own good. It's also good for America!
Welfare Statistics | Statistic Brain

Actually, we have 12,800,000 people on welfare. The population of the US is 317,297,938. So while 12,800,000 sounds like a lot, it is actually only 4% of the total population.

While spending on social welfare is about $59 billion dollars, corporate subsidies amount to around $92 billion dollars (2006 figures). It might be interesting to turn that around and spend more on actual people than on wealthy corporations.

Think by Numbers » Government Spends More on Corporate Welfare Subsidies than Social Welfare Programs
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Old 04-03-2014, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,164 posts, read 20,418,570 times
Reputation: 49168
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Your key phrase is "growing up". That is very different than when "adults" are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and are still dependent on their parents for all of their needs. Imagine someone who is 35 or 45 or 55 and they have never held a regular job, never successfully lived on their own, never handled their own finances and perhaps never even learned to cook or clean. Now imagine that their parents pass away. I assume that it would be extremely difficult for that "adult" to manage on their own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frustrated Hippy View Post
I have never heard of those adults just keeling over and not making it or unable to care for themselves just because their parents passed away or could no longer care for them... I find it so unlikely. Like I said, some things are instinctual.

Also, more than likely someone who is dependent on their parents into their 30s, 40s and 50s have parents who can afford to do it, and I'll bet some sort of inheritance or money is left behind for the son/daughter to continue to live on.
Although, I am sure that it is pretty rare, I actually do know someone who just "keeled over" in that situation.

Warning- long story.
The brother of a good friend of ours, in spite of having a good education (paid for by his parents) had trouble holding a job. He would work for about six months or a year and then quit because the job was "stupid" or "beneath him" and then he would ask Mom and Dad for money, or live with them for the next 3 or 4 or 5 years until he found another job. And then he would quit that job or be fired. Repeat cycle again and again. Finally he just stopped pretending to even try to look for work and just lived with his parents from age 30 or so. Mom did all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and Dad paid all his bills. Deadbeat brother just played videogames, gambled and drank.

Well, Mom died and Dad retired and started getting low on money. Did Deadbeat Brother start to look for work? No, he continued to leech off Dad. Reliable Brother and other relatives tried to convince Dad that he needed to take care of himself and not worry about his son. But, Dad had already supported him for close to 20 years of his adult life and said that Deadbeat was "too fragile" to work or to live by himself.

Dad ran out of money and finally had to sell the house (it had two mortgages to pay off Deadbeats gambling debts). Reliable Son tried to help Dad but Dad gave everything to Deadbeat Son. Reliable Son finally ended up supporting Dad by paying his rent on small apartment and his bills. Of course, Deadbeat continued to live with Dad and mooch off of him.

Dad died when he was 70. The rent was paid until the end of the month and then Deadbeat would need to find another place to live. Deadbeat had borrowed thousands of dollars from various relatives over the years and had never paid back a dime and had taken advantage of his parents for so many years so was not invited to move in with anyone else. Deadbeat told Reliable that he would be totally moved out by the end of the month. When Reliable came the last day he discovered that Deadbeat had died of a heart attack a few hours earlier. So, Deadbeat just "keeled over and died" when faced with supporting himself at age 45.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Frustrated Hippy View Post

Sometimes we don't do things not because we are unable or not know how, but simply because we do not want to. For instance, I have never mowed a lawn, but I have watched it be done more times than I can count. If I could never have anyone mow my lawn again, I wouldn't be doomed to have an awful yard. I'd be fine since I've seen it be done a billion times.

I'm saying that these adults probably always have had the ability to care for themselves but never had any real want, need, or reason. And of course why would they? Why bother if it can be done for you?
That is the point. These adults probably have had the ability to care for themselves but were to lazy or self centered or manipulative to do that.

Over the years I have read heartbreaking story after heartbreaking story on C-D, especially on the Caregiving forum, about elderly parents being forced to care for their able-bodied, but lazy, children & grandchildren financially and/or domestically. Many of the stories are written by siblings trying to help their parents. Some/many of the stories involve elderly parents who have been "totally bleed dry" of any money for their retirement/old age by these parasitic adult children.

Last edited by germaine2626; 04-03-2014 at 08:25 PM..
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Old 04-04-2014, 10:59 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 24,634,681 times
Reputation: 10428
I think we're going to see more and more of the "multi-generational" households in the U.S. out of necessity. Primarily, due to the loss of the middle class, lack of retirement funds, higher cost of college education, and supressed wages.

So many "fresh out of college" jobs don't pay enough to live on, combined with people in my generation (Gen X) who have lost their 401Ks and have no pensions, that I can see more parents/kids living together permanently, out of necessity. Many other cultures do this.
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Old 04-04-2014, 11:15 AM
 
23,423 posts, read 13,483,285 times
Reputation: 24441
Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I think we're going to see more and more of the "multi-generational" households in the U.S. out of necessity. Primarily, due to the loss of the middle class, lack of retirement funds, higher cost of college education, and supressed wages.

So many "fresh out of college" jobs don't pay enough to live on, combined with people in my generation (Gen X) who have lost their 401Ks and have no pensions, that I can see more parents/kids living together permanently, out of necessity. Many other cultures do this.
Yes, the post-WWII bubble burst in the 70s, but the US has been riding its wave until now. The US is returning to the "real world."
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:31 AM
 
47,531 posts, read 63,814,508 times
Reputation: 22345
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted Bear View Post
Well, after the second night......

A month is a 'guest' in the situation(s) described.

After that, it becomes a rental situation. If you don't mind having them in the house with you.

It is hard to say.....'special circumstances' type of thing. Have they had one job for ten years, and their firm just collapsed, or have they been through a series of low paying jobs and can't seem to 'stick' anywhere? That sort of thing might play into it.

On balance...maybe a month before it would be time to have 'the talk.' Then it is up to you--can you stand having them around?; and them--are they on the brink of a new job and getting back on their feet.

I am not a patient person where freeloaders are concerned. Some kids are; many are not.
Me neither. I wouldn't tolerate an 18 year old laying around in my house all day doing nothing --- much less a 30 or 40 year old.

It's one thing to let them come and stay in my house if they run into trouble -- but they WON'T be unemployed. They would have to work and by working, they would get back on their own feet.
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Old 04-06-2014, 10:36 AM
 
47,531 posts, read 63,814,508 times
Reputation: 22345
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Although, I am sure that it is pretty rare, I actually do know someone who just "keeled over" in that situation.

Warning- long story.
The brother of a good friend of ours, in spite of having a good education (paid for by his parents) had trouble holding a job. He would work for about six months or a year and then quit because the job was "stupid" or "beneath him" and then he would ask Mom and Dad for money, or live with them for the next 3 or 4 or 5 years until he found another job. And then he would quit that job or be fired. Repeat cycle again and again. Finally he just stopped pretending to even try to look for work and just lived with his parents from age 30 or so. Mom did all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and Dad paid all his bills. Deadbeat brother just played videogames, gambled and drank.

Well, Mom died and Dad retired and started getting low on money. Did Deadbeat Brother start to look for work? No, he continued to leech off Dad. Reliable Brother and other relatives tried to convince Dad that he needed to take care of himself and not worry about his son. But, Dad had already supported him for close to 20 years of his adult life and said that Deadbeat was "too fragile" to work or to live by himself.

Dad ran out of money and finally had to sell the house (it had two mortgages to pay off Deadbeats gambling debts). Reliable Son tried to help Dad but Dad gave everything to Deadbeat Son. Reliable Son finally ended up supporting Dad by paying his rent on small apartment and his bills. Of course, Deadbeat continued to live with Dad and mooch off of him.

Dad died when he was 70. The rent was paid until the end of the month and then Deadbeat would need to find another place to live. Deadbeat had borrowed thousands of dollars from various relatives over the years and had never paid back a dime and had taken advantage of his parents for so many years so was not invited to move in with anyone else. Deadbeat told Reliable that he would be totally moved out by the end of the month. When Reliable came the last day he discovered that Deadbeat had died of a heart attack a few hours earlier. So, Deadbeat just "keeled over and died" when faced with supporting himself at age 45.




That is the point. These adults probably have had the ability to care for themselves but were to lazy or self centered or manipulative to do that.

Over the years I have read heartbreaking story after heartbreaking story on C-D, especially on the Caregiving forum, about elderly parents being forced to care for their able-bodied, but lazy, children & grandchildren financially and/or domestically. Many of the stories are written by siblings trying to help their parents. Some/many of the stories involve elderly parents who have been "totally bleed dry" of any money for their retirement/old age by these parasitic adult children.
The taxpayers take over where the parents leave off I think.

I know a woman who tried to retire but her almost 50 year old son needed money so she's had to return to the work place.

He has worked very few years in his entire live, in spite of her working and paying his way through college. He hasn't worked in over a decade, he worked a few years before being fired.

His mom will support him until she dies, by then he will be able to get SSI and be the taxpayer's problem. The sad thing is, he's actually intelligent, able bodied, but just lazy.
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Old Today, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Willowbrook, Houston
1,258 posts, read 997,214 times
Reputation: 1782
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
My mother would love to have me move back in. She talks about her extra bedrooms and how terrible (she thinks) my husband is all the time, and how she would have room for my pets and my kids just to have some company and some help around the house. (dad has dementia and she's still caring for him at home)

For that matter, my MIL talks about her empty bedrooms and how if we ever needed to move in for a few years, those rooms are just there waiting for us. When we had an apartment, she wanted us to move in with her while we saved up a down payment for a house.

I don't know if I just have a weird mom and MIL, or if parents are more encouraging of the idea of adult children moving back home now. I know my mom was eager to kick me out when I turned 18, and MIL did the same to my husband, so maybe they just get lonely as the years go on. In my mom's case, they've eaten TV dinners or McDonalds since I moved out, so she probably wants me as a cook.
My parents felt kind of the same way when I got my first professional job after graduating with my Bachelor's, but once I started making good money they understood and encouraged me to spread my wings. I'm married now and I still go see my parents twice a week, but the other days we chat via FaceTime or Zoom.
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