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Tough question. If no fault of theirs (divorce, financial, health, etc.) then I would help. If their own fault (laziness, gambling, drugs, etc) then I would allow them in if they are trying to cleanup. If an ongoing issue (been here, done this), I would not let them in.
pretty much my thinking as well. A neerdowell would not be comfortable in our home but our kids don't fit that description at all. Ill health, divorce, etc are extenuating circumstances. "Rules" as such would be the same no matter what age- contribute when and where you can, tidy up after yourself and show respect for our home and other family members.
Our son who has been in Singapore for the past 3 years is just about to take a job in Kazakhstan. I told him he could come and stay with us till he can find something on our same continent but he would never consider "living with his Mom" at age 32. His career development is important to him even if it means being so far from home. He did have it written in his contract they would pay for trip home every 6 months. I appreciate that.
American view of life is that everyone could and should be independent. Amen, what a dream! Don't we all have dreams? But in most countries of the world, stretching back into eternity, adult children, unmarried, and especially women, stayed home due to economic necessity. The one at home, man or woman, could work, study, help around the house, help the parents with their business or farm or chores, and was generally welcome. Some even would pay some rent to cover expenses if the parents had little income. Remember, most countries never really had things like Social Security. Adult children were there to get their parents through old age and NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE. In China, it was standard procedure to value a son because he would stay with the farm and house and help the parents, and hence the aversion to a girl baby came along with the Chairman Mao idea of a one-child family. It's the same in India, too.
So your question might be a great anthropological debate. We have enough ethnics in this USA who do want their adult kids at home, and amongst the Irish and Italians and Russian and Chinese of San Francisco, it's very, very common due to the high cost of housing. Eveyr basement in our two-story houses has relations living in them - often it's the parents who would move downstairs to some comfortable extra rooms, since they can no longer handle the stairs; and they cannot afford a nursing home, so the adult kids are around, or living there, to handle everything for them. It's as common as dirt. Most parents wind up glad of the help and company, and my Mom still likes to cook for my brother and do his laundry. He lives downstairs, works fulltime, pays rent, buys groceries, causes no trouble, checks the house, provides security for a woman who otherwise would be alone in her 80's. He's happy saving money since he didn't marry and wants just peace and quiet for intellectual pursuits outside of work. Some would laugh and condemn it, but we think it's great. Solves a lot of problems for the parents and the other adult busy kids.
It also gets him out of jury duty! And a bunch of other obligations if he wishes - he's "taking care of Mom".
One of my cousins lost his job (lay off) at the end of 2008. He moved back in with his parents and has been there ever since. He is 47 years old, well educated and because his parents have been supporting him for the last 6 years (free room and board and food), he has had no incentive to find a job. He is "milking it" in every sense of the word.
His parents are way out of touch with today's job market, but they continue to let him stay. I have told his parents years ago that they should put a deadline on his stay because the longer he is out of work, the longer it will take to find a job.
They have not taken my advice, so this sorry situation continues on.
They could live with me until they got back on their feet, however long that would take. They know I'm a neat freak so I think they'd clean up after themselves with me having to set down any rules.
In 1983 my aunt moved in to my grandmother's house with her child after a divorce. She was a housewife and didn't have a job. In 1985 she got married (to a man with no job) and he moved into my grandmother's house as well. They had two children together. Today? My aunt and her husband still live in the house with one of their children (the 22 year old) still living with them in the main part of the house and the other child (the 27 year old) lives in the basement of my grandmother's home with her boyfriend and their child. Yes, my grandmother is housing three generations of people. So I guess the answer for some people is they will let their adult children stay forever.
They could live with me all they want if they would pay rent after they got job.However, if they would not they would have a week cuz I live in Midland,Texas.
They could stay as long as they needed. I'd be thrilled. I love family all under one roof. No "rules" really, as my son would be an adult (and my other future children). Taking a break from working would be great because we could spend time together if we wanted.
The more the merrier
My son will always be welcome here no matter what the circumstances. He could stay forever. My home is his home.
I think there's no one standard for every situation. For example, a small crowded house and a big one with room to spare, are very different situations. Then there's the personalities involved, and will they help and make our lives easier, or make life harder.
There is more stories in the news about mature adults between 35-55 moving back with their parents or even grandparents due to job loss and economic crisis.
If your adult child was over 35 years old and showed up at your door step to move in our of economic desperation how long could they live with you? What rules would you set for them? Or would you rather pay for their living expenses in their own place until they could get back on their feet?
Paying for their expenses? I'd much rather welcome them into their own room then pay my stuff and theirs. If it was bad, i'd tell them to take as long as they need.
As long as they need
The wont be sitting on the couch doing nothing thats for sure but they will always be welcome in my home
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