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I guess everyone has different views on what a family is. To us, family is paramount, nothing is more important and nothing comes between us. If one of us has a problem we all have the same problem and jump in to help solve that problem. There isn't a day when we don't either see each other or talk on the phone........even if it is just to say hi.
When I divorced my Wife I let her stay in the house and was going to find a place of my own. My Sons wouldn't hear of it and insisted I take the 3rd bedroom in their home, so I moved in with them. Similarly, when one of our Sons would run into some life issue there was no question their room at our house was always there for them. That is simply what close, loving families do for one another.
When I became a Father it was for life, not only until they became Men.
Don
Sometimes parenting means doing the hard thing and making your kids live on their own too...
If our children needed a place to stay because of a job loss, medical bills, whatever, they are always welcome. If they should suddenly turn to drug or whatever and quit their jobs and are otherwise being irresponsible, probably not.
Sometimes having children live with you is simply for convenience--if you can't care for your house but you don't want to move, etc. There are a lot of good reasons, but a lot of not so good reasons as well.
There is more stories in the news about mature adults between 35-55 moving back with their parents or even grandparents due to job loss and economic crisis.
If your adult child was over 35 years old and showed up at your door step to move in our of economic desperation how long could they live with you? What rules would you set for them? Or would you rather pay for their living expenses in their own place until they could get back on their feet?
You ever heard the saying that rent is to d* high? If your kids move back in they might be there for several years before they move out. The days of kids moving back in for a few months and then moving on with their lives is a distant memory.
There is a difference between kids who have no ambition and who want to lay around all day smoking pot versus normally self sufficient, well adjusted kids who, for one reason or another, simply fall onto difficult times and need a helping hand. If my kids were like the first example I would be the first person to have a serious talk with them and not be so willing to help, but since my own Sons are very much in the latter group (both of them have great jobs, make more than I ever did, and live very responsible lives ) if the time ever came for them to need me I would be right there.
Life isn't always easy, there are peaks and valleys. Family should be there to applaud the peaks and there to offer help in the valleys.
The door was always open at my parents' house. We all came and went a different periods of our lives, usually just for a month or two while we found jobs or apartments after returning to the city or ending a relationship. There was never a time limit on our parents end, but we moved quickly because we liked our independence. One sister, her husband and daughter stayed longer---twice. Since my sister had serious illnesses, they moved into our parents' house so our mother (a nurse) could help care for my sister and watch my niece since my sister was too ill to watch her own daughter. My BIL worked two jobs during this time period to pay down medical bills.
In 1983 my aunt moved in to my grandmother's house with her child after a divorce. She was a housewife and didn't have a job. In 1985 she got married (to a man with no job) and he moved into my grandmother's house as well. They had two children together. Today? My aunt and her husband still live in the house with one of their children (the 22 year old) still living with them in the main part of the house and the other child (the 27 year old) lives in the basement of my grandmother's home with her boyfriend and their child. Yes, my grandmother is housing three generations of people. So I guess the answer for some people is they will let their adult children stay forever.
I know a woman who tried to retire but had to go back to work because her 45 year old son still lives with her and has worked about 4 years his entire life so she still has to support him. She put him through college also and as she works a fairly low paying job, she never had much for herself, never will. Luckily though she lived with her own parents her whole life -- they're still all living in her parents' house.
What's going to be hard for all these kids who could never achieve independence and self-reliance is what becomes of them after their parents are gone? Then who will take care of them?
It seems more and more, people either never want to have kids or they want to have them and keep them forever -- the idea of becoming a self-supporting adult is not so much the norm as it was just a couple generations ago.
It does make it easier to become a third world country to adopt the third world culture of many families living in a small space, it's far easier to accept low wages when there are no real bills to pay.
As far as my hubby and I are...our daughter can move back home anytime she wishes to.....but I don't see that happening for long...maybe for a time after she gets out of college if she isn't already settled. My home will always be open to her....I can't imagine just telling a child - nope - you aren't welcome any more no matter the age.
Same here. I have always told my kids "you can always come home." One of them did for a while, and it changed things because we were used to having an empty nest, but I would gladly let her and our other kids come back any time they needed to. They wouldn't WANT to live with us any longer than they had to, I'm sure - which is perfectly normal; I felt the same way about living in my parents' house once I had left home.
If your adult child was over 35 years old and showed up at your door step to move in our of economic desperation how long could they live with you?
In Hawaii, where homes can cost $1 million or more, it is common for adult children to move in with their parents - spouse, children, and all! They simply can't afford their own home. (They add on rooms to the house.)
So far as I am concerned, if they are pulling their weight around the house, helping with yard work and chores, behaving - not causing trouble, then they would be welcome forever.
If they are lazy mooches who are fat and never lift a finger to help - want to sit in front of the TV all day, then they are NOT welcome!
In Hawaii, where homes can cost $1 million or more, it is common for adult children to move in with their parents - spouse, children, and all! They simply can't afford their own home. (They add on rooms to the house.)
I lived in Waipahu for a couple of years in the mid-70s, and got used to seeing the houses along Farrington Highway to and from work.
When I was again living in Hawaii in the early 90s, I drove down Farrington and immediately noticed there was something different about the houses...but I couldn't put my finger on it. It took me a bit of time to realize that almost all the one-story homes in the 70s had been rasied to be second stories with new living levels built beneath them. If it had been only a few houses, I'd have realized the change right away, but because it was entire neighborhoods, everything had the same impression of "always like this."
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