Should a baby have his father's or mother's last name? (custody, pregnancy)

[Meyerland]

In another thread about teen pregnancy, there is a debate about whether or not a baby should be given the father's last name.

I personally think that the baby should have the mother's last name, unless the parents are married. (Especially in cases of teen pregnancies.) if the father sticks around and is a good father, then the last name can be changed or hyphenated.

Thoughts?

[Natsku]

I think if the parents aren't together, then the baby should have the name of the primary caregiver, whether that be the mother or the father.

[aliss2]

I don't think it really matters. My kids have their fathers name since birth, we are not married. In some places, nobody changes names after marriage and here, single/married, it doesn't matter, all kids have different surnames from their mother. I find it bizarre to treat dads name as a 'gift' contingent on whether a woman judges him a good father or not, but I guess that's a cultural notion I'll never understand.

[JustJulia]

If they're not married and don't live together, I think the kid should have the last name of whomever he or she lives with. If they do live together, probably the mother's. If the parents are married, it's easier if everybody has the same last name.

[Checkered24]

Originally Posted by Natsku

I think if the parents aren't together, then the baby should have the name of the primary caregiver, whether that be the mother or the father.

In a case like the OP's with teen pregnancy, then this.

If the couple have plans to build a committed household, relationship, or marriage together then they should work out which name they want the child to have as part of that process.

[HeSaySheSay]

I agree with Natsku..
I never thought about it like that, it should be the primary caregiver's name. They're the ones sacrificing.

[AnnaNomus]

Primary caregiver. If it's the mother who's most involved in the kid's life, enrolling her in school, attending functions, going to conferences, etc, it causes less confusion for them to have the same last name.

[AnonChick]

I think they should have whatever reasonable last name the birth-mother wants them to have, until such time as the birth-mother relinquishes custody over the child, if ever.

If Susan Smith gives birth to a bouncing baby boy, she should have every right to name her son Joe Jones, if that's what she wants to do. It really isn't anyone's business what the kid's last name is, other than the Social Security office.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

I think they should have whatever reasonable last name the birth-mother wants them to have, until such time as the birth-mother relinquishes custody over the child, if ever.

If Susan Smith gives birth to a bouncing baby boy, she should have every right to name her son Joe Jones, if that's what she wants to do. It really isn't anyone's business what the kid's last name is, other than the Social Security office.

I'm confused. Are you saying that Mom should just pick out a nice last name and give it to her child?

Hmm, the name Jones sounds nice. Or is Jones the last name of the biological father? Or the last name of the rich man that she wants to "trap" into marriage? Or the name of her next door neighbor who she hates and wants to get him in trouble with his wife? Or the name of her college professor who she wants to get fired?

Please clarify. As I must be missing something.

[j7r6s]

There's a gotcha in this scenario. The unmarried father's last name will likely never change. The mother's might. If the mother gives the child her maiden name, and then subsequently marries a different man, you've got a child whose last name doesn't match either parent.