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I've got a 9 year old son. He knows a boy he was in 1st grade with. In 1st grade, they had a lot in common and had regular play dates. As they've gotten older, their interests have moved apart. My son is very sporty and this other kid is pretty quiet and reserved...maybe a bit awkward. He's very nice but he and my son just don't have anything in common anymore and honestly when this other kid comes over he ends up playing with my younger son who is 7.
My son doesn't really want to have play dates with this kid anymore. Not a big deal, as I don't contact the mother to schedule them.
Here's the issue, this,other kid is an only child and lives in the country, so the mother is regularly contacting me to attempt to schedule play dates. I usually make some excuse and I never initiate contact with her but she doesn't seem to get it. I feel bad telling her that my son has just moved on and in wondering how any of you have handled a similar situation? I want to be nice but my son is just not interested and I've tried to subtly let it go but this other mom just doesn't get it.
I've got a 9 year old son. He knows a boy he was in 1st grade with. In 1st grade, they had a lot in common and had regular play dates. As they've gotten older, their interests have moved apart. My son is very sporty and this other kid is pretty quiet and reserved...maybe a bit awkward. He's very nice but he and my son just don't have anything in common anymore and honestly when this other kid comes over he ends up playing with my younger son who is 7.
My son doesn't really want to have play dates with this kid anymore. Not a big deal, as I don't contact the mother to schedule them.
Here's the issue, this,other kid is an only child and lives in the country, so the mother is regularly contacting me to attempt to schedule play dates. I usually make some excuse and I never initiate contact with her but she doesn't seem to get it. I feel bad telling her that my son has just moved on and in wondering how any of you have handled a similar situation? I want to be nice but my son is just not interested and I've tried to subtly let it go but this other mom just doesn't get it.
Gentle honesty. It doesn't do Mom or kiddo any favors if you lie. It's harder this way...and BY NO MEANS do you need to be mean...but explain the situation.
You mention that the boy is well behaved and plays well with your younger son....can you maybe 'transfer' the formal play dates to him? Boys mature all over the place....it might be good for both the younger and the older kid to be honest. If this isn't possible in your view...then disregard it....but please do think about it.
By you letting the other mother know that your older son is not working out...it may provide the push she needs to find other outlets for her son. It can be as hard for mothers to approach people as kids....and she is comfortable with you. Don't ruin that by being rude...but please do be supporting while being honest. Maybe offer some suggestions for other classmates that would be a better fit for her son while you are talking about it.
We don't do "playdates" after around 1st grade here. What I mean by that is that I got tired of being responsible for other people's kids. My kids have tons of neighborhood friends that come and go as they please but I don't typically drive and schedule time for my kids to play. They just play.
We don't do "playdates" after around 1st grade here. What I mean by that is that I got tired of being responsible for other people's kids. My kids have tons of neighborhood friends that come and go as they please but I don't typically drive and schedule time for my kids to play. They just play.
That's basically how it works for us now. We live in a neighborhood with tons of kids so my kids have lots of friends close by. It's only this one kid whose mom keeps pushing it. They live in a remote location which she admits is an issue for her son. My son NEVER wants to go there so when I do kind of nudge him to play with this kid it's always at our house.
OP does his mom usually stay at your place while the kids are playing? If yes, then the only option for you is to gently tell her that the play-dates doesn't seem to be working anymore for xyz reasons.
If she doesn't usually stay, how about inviting her to stay over for tea and cake while the kids 'play'? Maybe, if she sees whats happening, she will not attempt to initiate again?
One of my children used to have playdates with another child who also has special needs. While my child has matured, changed and moved on, the other boy has had a hard time. His mother knows the boys have drifted apart, but her son continues to ask for the playdates. That puts the burden on me and my son for a response. My son tries to be empathetic, but I have told him that he is free to say no if he doesn't want to go (most recently, the mom talked to my child directly while I was out; the boys are teens). Generally, we have other plans since we are pretty busy.
In your case, I think the lack of options is what is driving the mother to continue seeking playdates. Also, her son could be asking for the playdates. You could tell her the truth in a different way ("the last time he was here, the two of them hardly played together at all; he was hanging out with my younger son more"). Admittedly, it's not the direct approach, and I will confess that if I feel for the child, I won't be the most direct person. But telling her each time that your son is unavailable for has other plans will work if you are consistent.
I agree with bowian, it sounds as it your son is the boy's only friend and only social engagement. However if your son doesn't want to hang out anymore you aren't under any obligation.
For perspective, I am on the other side, my son not having a lot of friends. However I did get the hint and stopped asking. I would be honest with the mother next time she calls and just say they have grown apart.
We don't do "playdates" after around 1st grade here. What I mean by that is that I got tired of being responsible for other people's kids. My kids have tons of neighborhood friends that come and go as they please but I don't typically drive and schedule time for my kids to play. They just play.
I agree with this. Maybe you could tell the mom your son usually prefers just to play out with his friends in the neighborhood and you aren't really able to schedule play dates because he usually has his own agenda/plans or something to that effect.
I've got a 9 year old son. He knows a boy he was in 1st grade with. In 1st grade, they had a lot in common and had regular play dates. As they've gotten older, their interests have moved apart. My son is very sporty and this other kid is pretty quiet and reserved...maybe a bit awkward. He's very nice but he and my son just don't have anything in common anymore and honestly when this other kid comes over he ends up playing with my younger son who is 7.
My son doesn't really want to have play dates with this kid anymore. Not a big deal, as I don't contact the mother to schedule them.
Here's the issue, this,other kid is an only child and lives in the country, so the mother is regularly contacting me to attempt to schedule play dates. I usually make some excuse and I never initiate contact with her but she doesn't seem to get it. I feel bad telling her that my son has just moved on and in wondering how any of you have handled a similar situation? I want to be nice but my son is just not interested and I've tried to subtly let it go but this other mom just doesn't get it.
So let the kid come over and play with the 7 year old. His mother probably wants him to have some social interaction. This is sad that this mother should have to "get" anything.
So let the kid come over and play with the 7 year old. His mother probably wants him to have some social interaction. This is sad that this mother should have to "get" anything.
I don't really understand this response. So, my son has kind of moved on from this friend due to different interests and you think I should just have this kid over and have my younger kid play with him? What should I do when the mother asks for my son to come to their house? Should I just send the younger one instead? This mom schedules play dates with lots of kids, in fact once he went straight from my house to another play date at another's kids house. I actually found that a bit odd, like the mom is actually trying to unload him on others so she has more free time or something.
Thanks to others who have provided thoughtful responses.
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