What to do with a child who doesn't want to grow up (appropriate, grandpa)
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Ivory, I am not saying that your daughter should move into an apartment with her boyfriend but again you are saying that someone who makes $400 a week can not afford to live on their own. I am really starting to think that we live on two different planets!
Do you really think that someone making $20,000 a year is doomed to live with their parents their entire life? Good Grief! Do you realize how many grown adults only make $10 an hour on their jobs and are happy that they are employed and aren't earning minimum wage?
Do you think that 19 or 20 year olds need to earn $40,000 or $50,000 a year before they can move out of their childhood bedrooms? Sheesh, maybe we do live on different planets.
PS. I am not joking about my son living on an $18,000 to $20,000 University stipend per year (plus paid tuition) and still being able to pay all of his graduate school expenses such as books, rent, utilities, living expenses, food, entertainment, clothes, everythingAND still have money left over to pay off $3,000 to $4,000a year in undergraduate student loan debt. This was in a major California city not some tiny low COL rural area. He had many friends will similar experiences.
My 50-something sister makes just over $11/hour. She pays her mortgage and her new health care on that plus odd jobs that she puts together. She lives alone with two pets, and sometimes she pays for doggy daycare. Living on $20,000/year can definitely be done.
My 50-something sister makes just over $11/hour. She pays her mortgage and her new health care on that plus odd jobs that she puts together. She lives alone with two pets, and sometimes she pays for doggy daycare. Living on $20,000/year can definitely be done.
Another example of someone who earns (about) $400 a week and is able to afford to live on their own.
Ivory, did you happen to read this? Yet, another example showing that your daughter and/or daughter's BF does not need to earn a fortune to be able to live on their own. Again, I'm not saying that your daughter & her boyfriend should move in together OR I care if he lives at home or not BUT just pointing out that earning $400 a week is enough to live on your own, if you are motivated.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-22-2014 at 04:31 PM..
Let her know that one part of the curriculum in veterinary medicine is "large animal practice", and it's mandatory. also that lots of vets who dream of a cozy suburban practice dealing with puppies and kittens end up working at a race track, or a meat packing plant -- just the workings of supply and demand.
And lastly, that one aspect of large animal training involves donning a shoulder-length rubber glove and familiarizing oneself with the south end of a northbound horse or cow.
I will never forget the day my best friend called from vet school to say she spent the day with her entire arm up a cow's arse.
I will never forget the day my best friend called from vet school to say she spent the day with her entire arm up a cow's arse.
Good times!
YUCK. I hate to rain on dd's dreams but I really don't think she's going to be able to handle veterinary school academically or emotionally. Unfortunately, she takes any talk of having a more realistic plan B as us having no faith in her. I think she wants us to tell her she can be/do anything but reality is we have limits. I'd love to see her get into a vet tech program. She does love animals.
Another example of someone who earns (about) $400 a week and is able to afford to live on their own. Ivory, did you notice this?
I'm not sure that can be done here. A cheap apartment will run $750/month plus utilities. Then there's a car, gas and insurance as mass transit is pretty much non existent in SE Michigan (they don't call us the Motor City for nothing). That pretty much uses up the $10/hour. Even if dbf takes home 90% of his pay, he's taking home less than $1500/month. Half of that will go to rent. Whether you can live on $10/hour has a lot to do with where you are trying to live. I would think you'd need to be in an area with good mass transit or own a cheap car. While the cost of living isn't high here, it's not low either. There are places where you can live on $10/hour and places where you can't live on $15/hour. It depends on where you are.
So, it's ok if she's living on somebody else's dime, as long as it isn't yours? What if the BF doesn't want to live with her? And, who thinks it's a good idea for a couple of barely 19 yr olds without schooling to set up housekeeping?
Ivory, this is your child, your problem to deal with. It's coming across loud and clear that you just want her gone.
YUCK. I hate to rain on dd's dreams but I really don't think she's going to be able to handle veterinary school academically or emotionally. Unfortunately, she takes any talk of having a more realistic plan B as us having no faith in her. I think she wants us to tell her she can be/do anything but reality is we have limits. I'd love to see her get into a vet tech program. She does love animals.
Ivory, it's quite clear that you don't have any faith in her. You make it clear to us here on the forum and - by telling her she needs a more realistic plan B, you are making it clear to her. This child has lived in the shadow of her golden younger sister for so long, it's no wonder she is 'stuck' and afraid to try anything. Of course she wants you to tell her she can be or do anything, because telling her would show you have faith in her that she can achieve her goals. It's obvious you don't have any faith in her.
Her self-esteem is in the toilet and she daren't try anything because - if she fails - she will feel she has proven you right. I bet the way she sees it is if she doesn't do anything, she can't fail.
I'm not sure that can be done here. A cheap apartment will run $750/month plus utilities. Then there's a car, gas and insurance as mass transit is pretty much non existent in SE Michigan (they don't call us the Motor City for nothing). That pretty much uses up the $10/hour. Even if dbf takes home 90% of his pay, he's taking home less than $1500/month. Half of that will go to rent. Whether you can live on $10/hour has a lot to do with where you are trying to live. I would think you'd need to be in an area with good mass transit or own a cheap car. While the cost of living isn't high here, it's not low either. There are places where you can live on $10/hour and places where you can't live on $15/hour. It depends on where you are.
Ivory,so everyone in your city who earns less than $15 per hour lives with their parents or lives on the streets or lives in their car? I really doubt that but if you say it is true then it must be true.
Normally, if you can't afford a cheap apartment by yourself you get a room mate or two room mates or rent a room in someone's house. Most people just starting out or in college do not rent an apartment by themselves (at least most people that I know).
I remember my nephew's first apartment, I think that they had five or six guys living in a one bedroom place in an old run down building. There were two bunk beds in the bedroom, someone slept on the couch and I think that someone else slept in a sleeping bag & air mattress on the floor. My 18 year old nephew did not even work full time then but because the expenses were so low it was affordable. He was very motivated to live on his own so he made it work.
Again, I really don't care where the BF lives, but I'm trying to point out that, it appears to me, that you truly don't understand how little people need when they are just starting out.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-22-2014 at 06:01 PM..
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