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It's not extreme. What's extreme is biting and hitting. I personally think it's a great solution. We did it for my youngest when she was repetitively disobedient, not even anywhere near biting or hitting. She is 6 now and she knows where our limit is!
People who are so by the book--who make no concessions for the personality or stage of their own children--they're going to find themselves in a heap of trouble later on.
I disagree. Biting and/or hitting isn't "extreme" at all. Just ask a teacher or daycare provider. They are common behavioural problems in children. Just because your child didn't do either doesn't make the actions "extreme" or the child extreme either. What it means that I, as a parent, have my job cut out for me to try and correct the behaviours. And just to be sure, I take both biting and hitting seriously, hence the reason for my post.
I am not "by the book" and of course, I tailor my methods to the child. At the same time, I do use books/anecdotes/other parents/whatever as a basis because I, like most parents, don't major in child psychology and the actions I take (or do not take) have major repercussions.
From what I'm gathering, it's like there are these two lines drawn in the sand. With people labeling you as "too hard" or "too soft". I'm interested in treading the middle ground here and I think it can be done. This is something that we're all working through.
When my daughter decided to bite her brother, I did the unthinkable! I told her I was going to show her what it felt like and she must not do it again. I bit her only enough for it to hurt a little. She didn't do it again. This was many many years ago.
Continue this until he realizes that he will not get attention for the behavior and that he will be removed from playing with you *and* with the other child.
That's all probably excellent advice, but actually, it's giving the child a HUGE amount of attention for the behavior to have the adult stand right there constantly monitoring them and interceding on the other child's behalf. Although I'm sure it eventually lessens the hitting, a child starved for attention might actually try to hit more just for the reward of having the caretaker *pay* more attention to him/her. I think a simpler solution is a timeout with a short reminder that hitting and biting won't be tolerated.
I would never allow my kids to call names, hit, fight, etc.
If they did they were immediately separated. Time out for both of you.
Separating them was the worst punishment as they are very close, so I hardly did it more than once or twice.
Even now they are best friends, hang out together etc, even though there's a 4 year difference.
The older child is the one who sets the behaviour standard for the younger one. Deal with her and most of the job is done.
ETA: we have a lot of anti bullying info in schools etc, you can always tell them "its ILLEGAL' because it is. Calling names is bullying, exclusion is bullying, etc. Tell them they are breaking the law as well as the rules at home.
3 is too old to be biting people...that is more of a toddler behavior. My mom said when I was a toddler I was a biter, one day she bit me back, and I never did it again. I did the same thing to my son, and he never did it again. I think people who tolerate/excuse it, just encourage it.
Hitting, I'd punish immediately. Again, this seems more like toddler behavior. A 3 year old knows exactly what they're doing when they hit. I'd put her in time out for 5 minutes every time she does it. Every. Single. Time. Consistency is the only thing that works with kids. If you are inconsistent, it will never work.
ETA: we have a lot of anti bullying info in schools etc, you can always tell them "its ILLEGAL' because it is. Calling names is bullying, exclusion is bullying, etc. Tell them they are breaking the law as well as the rules at home.
I'm thinking the 3yr old isn't going to care about anti bullying laws
OP like I said in my previous post, this is not uncommon and not really a big deal. Be consistent, don't endorse it but don't freak out either. There aren't a lot of fourth grade girls running around biting because their mothers didn't put them in time out long enough.
I'm thinking the 3yr old isn't going to care about anti bullying laws
OP like I said in my previous post, this is not uncommon and not really a big deal. Be consistent, don't endorse it but don't freak out either. There aren't a lot of fourth grade girls running around biting because their mothers didn't put them in time out long enough.
As my old mother used to say
"Don't care was made to care"
All children need to be taught from birth, to keep their hands/teeth/feet to themselves. We teach them how to eat, speak, walk, we can teach them basic manners too, and how to behave around others.
3 is too old to be biting people...that is more of a toddler behavior. My mom said when I was a toddler I was a biter, one day she bit me back, and I never did it again. I did the same thing to my son, and he never did it again. I think people who tolerate/excuse it, just encourage it.
Hitting, I'd punish immediately. Again, this seems more like toddler behavior. A 3 year old knows exactly what they're doing when they hit. I'd put her in time out for 5 minutes every time she does it. Every. Single. Time. Consistency is the only thing that works with kids. If you are inconsistent, it will never work.
The above is worth repeating. That was my thought that 3 years old seemed to old for the behavior unless the child is developmentally delayed. Hitting Grandpa seemed extreme to me also. And, I feel so sorry for the older sister because loving someone shouldn't have to hurt, should it? Putting up with abuse in the name of "love" is absurd. I would talk to my physician and see what he/she thinks as there may be something else going on with the child that acts this immature and, well, hateful, either something physical, emotional or perhaps some sort of developmental delay. I have son with Down syndrome and a son that is 9 1/2 years older than him, both now adults. The biting and hitting need to stop because no one should be abused by this child. Get help.
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I told her I was going to show her what it felt like and she must not do it again. I bit her only enough for it to hurt a little. She didn't do it again. 
This was many many years ago.
