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Just a little background on me: I'm 5 months pregnant with a planned pregnancy. My main passion in life is travelling. So today I was researching trips to Paris...hotels, things to do etc. I got really really into it. Even though I have no plans to visit anytime soon (difficult pregnancy, need to save money for home purchase and impending baby) I still enjoyed planning out this fantasy trip. So I messaged my mom...she is one of my main travel partners...we have made great memories together travelling.
Me: Been really feeling for a Paris trip
Mom: Hahaha. You will make Paris. WE will call her Paris! Doesn't sound bad at all lol!!
Me: Makes me very sad. To think of this child styming my movements. Maybe I can leave them with DH's parents for our trips (I would like DH to come too on trips)
Mom: Are you crazy?? To say what are saying is insulting and disgraceful and more so SELFISH. Stop it!!!
Me: Well I'm a selfish person I guess then. It is one life that I'm living. I'd like to enjoy it.
Mom: RU mad? Everyone has one life to live!!! not just you!! I don't want to listen to this. Why did you get pregnant???Or married for that matter???
Me: You know if I were a man you wouldn't call me selfish. But women are supposed to be self sacrificing. It is thrust upon them.
Mom: You are getting me VERY annoyed
Me: You cannot combat my logic so it annoys you. And your lack of logical argument annoys me!!
No, you are NOT being selfish and immature! When the baby comes, you will be utterly absorbed in it for quite a while. And then if you are lucky enough to have parents or in-laws who can take care of the child for a bit while you get away with your husband, you will do it! There is nothing wrong with that! You're just a person who loves to travel, who is being a bit wistful for the impending loss of freedom that's just around the bend. Your mother is just picking a fight with you. Just disengage, drop it, and make plans to get away with your husband BEFORE the baby comes. There is no medical reason that you can't travel a bit right now, as long as you're not putting yourself under undue strain.
I'm a pretty dutiful person...not a deadbeat at all. So I've done extensive research on all the things the baby would need. And am financially prepared to spend the money.
But emotionally my head is still not fully there I guess.
To answer your question...I look forward to teaching the child new things ...and hopefully learning from them too.
Don't be too hard on yourself, there's nothing wrong with wanting a little childfree downtime. Society would have you believe that once you have kids it's supposed to be all butterflies and rainbows and anything short of that is heresy, the reality is ........somewhat different. This is what sends some mothers into a spiral of depression, the wide gap between what they feel and what society says they should feel. When it comes to parenting , you don't have to be perfect, just do the best you can, and if you feel you need a little time off , then leave the little one with the grandparents, one of the best gifts a parent can give their child is a happy marriage, another is quality time, not just 'quantity' time
The fear mongering reminds me of the old days when mothers were told they couldn't take the babies out of the house until after they were baptized. Being raised Catholic, I can only suspect this was to motivate parents to make more Catholics because a new mother would eventually want to leave the house. LOL
Since I live in an area with lots of Catholics and both sides of the baby's family are Catholic, all sorts of people told me that I can't take a baby out of the house. This is a perfect example of generations of mothers pressuring new generations of mothers without really thinking through if it was necessary they did what they did in the first place.
I chose to follow the pediatrician's advice of continuing to live my life and take the baby with me---that included fishing trips.
Didn't Amos Moses's daddy used to take him alligator hunting and use him for bait?
Now everybody blamed his old man.
For makin him mean as a snake.
When Amos Moses was a boy his Daddy would use him for alligator bait.
Tie a rope around his waist and throw him in the swamp.
Alligator bait in the Lousisana Bayou.
You'll be judged either way, so be prepared for that, especially in here
Ain't that the truth!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
There is a town called Paris in upstate New York. Not too far from Canada, either. That could work.
LOL!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks
Wow. Your idea that your planned pregnancy and subsequent baby will interfere with your desires for travel seems rather self centered, to say the least. I'm a woman who chose not to have children because I wanted freedom (among other things). Freedom is one of the things that I have received from not having kids... (Sigh).
Really people? Really?
So can we say that your decision to not procreate is rather "self-centered, to say the least?" Com'on!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beejay24/7
Don't be too hard on yourself, there's nothing wrong with wanting a little childfree downtime. Society would have you believe that once you have kids it's supposed to be all butterflies and rainbows and anything short of that is heresy, the reality is ........somewhat different. This is what sends some mothers into a spiral of depression, the wide gap between what they feel and what society says they should feel. When it comes to parenting , you don't have to be perfect, just do the best you can, and if you feel you need a little time off , then leave the little one with the grandparents, one of the best gifts a parent can give their child is a happy marriage, another is quality time, not just 'quantity' time
The fear mongering reminds me of the old days when mothers were told they couldn't take the babies out of the house until after they were baptized. Being raised Catholic, I can only suspect this was to motivate parents to make more Catholics because a new mother would eventually want to leave the house. LOL
Since I live in an area with lots of Catholics and both sides of the baby's family are Catholic, all sorts of people told me that I can't take a baby out of the house. This is a perfect example of generations of mothers pressuring new generations of mothers without really thinking through if it was necessary they did what they did in the first place.
I chose to follow the pediatrician's advice of continuing to live my life and take the baby with me---that included fishing trips.
Wow! I grew up in the same area as you, never heard that about not taking the baby out until baptism! I did not grow up Catholic. Maybe the point was that baptism was the first activity you were supposed to take the baby to???
Quote:
Originally Posted by thewitchisback
Just a little background on me: I'm 5 months pregnant with a planned pregnancy. My main passion in life is travelling. So today I was researching trips to Paris...hotels, things to do etc. I got really really into it. Even though I have no plans to visit anytime soon (difficult pregnancy, need to save money for home purchase and impending baby) I still enjoyed planning out this fantasy trip. So I messaged my mom...she is one of my main travel partners...we have made great memories together travelling.
Me: Been really feeling for a Paris trip
Mom: Hahaha. You will make Paris. WE will call her Paris! Doesn't sound bad at all lol!!
Me: Makes me very sad. To think of this child styming my movements. Maybe I can leave them with DH's parents for our trips (I would like DH to come too on trips)
Mom: Are you crazy?? To say what are saying is insulting and disgraceful and more so SELFISH. Stop it!!!
Me: Well I'm a selfish person I guess then. It is one life that I'm living. I'd like to enjoy it.
Mom: RU mad? Everyone has one life to live!!! not just you!! I don't want to listen to this. Why did you get pregnant???Or married for that matter???
Me: You know if I were a man you wouldn't call me selfish. But women are supposed to be self sacrificing. It is thrust upon them.
Mom: You are getting me VERY annoyed
Me: You cannot combat my logic so it annoys you. And your lack of logical argument annoys me!!
Considering that I don't like being analyzed by other people, I can see why this last line might have ticked your mom off but good!
No doubt they were - travel, marry, have a family.
So. You're actually living the dream already.
Which is why your mother got so exasperated.
You can go to Paris any old time, but your baby will only have ONE first birthday. He/she will only learn how to say "momma" once, learn to walk once, and so on.
Any time you are away, you're missing out on the delights of being a parent.
When baby gets older and doesn't need you so much, then it's time to start wishing for your next dream.
Not NOW, when you have a dream about to come true. A lot of folks spend a lot of money to get pregnant you know.
So what Mom is saying is, you need to slow down and smell the roses. You have a BABY coming, the greatest adventure of all.
There will be plenty of time for you to say these things and be met with sympathy. Teething, the terrible twos, his first school report.
Just NOT complaining before the poor lil fella is even out of the womb.
To thewitchisback, is the b letter on your keyboard broken? I feel the same way you do, and that is one of the reasons why I didn't have kids.
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Com'on!
I feel the same way you do, and that is one of the reasons why I didn't have kids.
