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I think we can all distract babies, but that's not the same as soothing or comforting. If you were frightened or hurt will any person due? We all have our people. I think this is understood on a base level. We know who does and doesn't love us (most of the time).
I think we can all distract babies, but that's not the same as soothing or comforting. If you were frightened or hurt will any person due? We all have our people. I think this is understood on a base level. We know who does and doesn't love us (most of the time).
You're applying your adult perception (possibly an unhealthy adult perception) to a baby. Yes, almost any person with nurturing skills can sooth and comfort a baby that is frightened or hurt.
Nurses do it all the time in the hospital. I remember being in the hospital as a young child and how those nurses made me feel safe. Paramedics too. If you can't be calmed and comforted by a nurse or paramedic when you're frightened and hurt, you have some issues that you will very likely be passing into your daughter.
You are putting so much overemphasis on the importance of yourself and your husband that you very well may be creating a child who is fearful.
Does anyone watch your child for any period of time? Date nights?
Who, folk who weren't close friends? Sure. When my twin died all kinds of people were so kind and supportive. But, there was nothing like my husband and bf.
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Originally Posted by Hopes
You're applying your adult perception (possibly an unhealthy adult perception) to a baby. Yes, almost any person with nurturing skills can sooth and comfort a baby that is frightened or hurt.
You have been applying quite a bit of reasoned, mature perception onto babies imo. And what we find to be healthy and positive traits obviously differs among us. Sorry, but I think you are just wrong here. We are chemically and physiologically attached to those who care for us and however well intentioned "others" may be they simply cannot replace the comfort provided by the parent/child bond.
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Nurses do it all the time in the hospital. I remember being in the hospital as a young child and how those nurses made me feel safe. Paramedics too. If you can't be calmed and comforted by a nurse or paramedic when you're frightened and hurt, you have some issues that you will very likely be passing into your daughter.
You are putting so much overemphasis on the importance of yourself and your husband that you very well may be creating a child who is fearful.
Does anyone watch your child for any period of time? Date nights?
I think you are under-emphasizing the importance of the parental bond, but perhaps this is due to differing experience. If moments with strangers are as valuable to you as that with those you spend your life with I have to wonder about the depth of your familial relationships. My mother is a royal PITA at times but our bond runs so deep it's just not something that can be even be compared.
Ime, strangers temper experience. I have quite a bit of experience with nurses and hospitals in general due to a very ill twin and while these people were kind in no way could they ever be a replacement for family. It's a bizarre thing to even consider from my pov.
As far as creating a fearful child or not, well I don't know. My goal is to keep her as chill as I possibly can while she grows. We keep things low key. She spend 2-3 hours per day in daycare 4 days per week. I think that's plenty of time with other people. My neighbors are all over her like crazy, so they come over take off with her pretty often.
When my daughter was in the hospital the nurses actually were better at soothing her and calmer her than I was! (probably she was picking up on my stress so that's why she wouldn't calm down with me) So at night time and nap time they would settle her to sleep while I stayed in another room.
I think you are under-emphasizing the importance of the parental bond, but perhaps this is due to differing experience. If moments with strangers are as valuable to you as that with those you spend your life with I have to wonder about the depth of your familial relationships. My mother is a royal PITA at times but our bond runs so deep it's just not something that can be even be compared.
I never said moments with strangers were as valuable. I said they were capable of calming and comforting me when hurt or afraid. I'm talking about the type of hurt or afraid after a traumatic injury. When you're terrified you will die, the word of a paramedic who has medical knowledge and oodles of experience can be very reassuring. Nurses and paramedics are especially skilled at calming and comforting people who are absolutely terrified and in pain. I had the added bonus of having a mother who was also a nurse. She wasn't a PITA.
I never said moments with strangers were as valuable. I said they were capable of calming and comforting me when hurt or afraid. I'm talking about the type of hurt or afraid after a traumatic injury. When you're terrified you will die, the word of a paramedic who has medical knowledge and oodles of experience can be very reassuring. Nurses and paramedics are especially skilled at calming and comforting people who are absolutely terrified and in pain. I had the added bonus of having a mother who was also a nurse. She wasn't a PITA.
It's great you were comforted by these people, but none of this has much to do with my point. The comfort stemming from a parental bond cannot be given by strangers (providing a healthy, loving relationship of course). At least it's not something I can fathom, but again, that likely depends on the nature of the relationships.
It's great you were comforted by these people, but none of this has much to do with my point. The comfort stemming from a parental bond cannot be given by strangers (providing a healthy, loving relationship of course). At least it's not something I can fathom, but again, that likely depends on the nature of the relationships.
It does have to do with your point. It's possible for an experienced stranger to comfort a baby in the absence of its parents. I have done it many times for many people. Babies screaming, then calming and soothing and then falling asleep. That's not mere distraction. You know it's true too or you wouldn't be sending your daughter to childcare a few hours each day. You know darn well strangers are comforting her while she is there. If you didn't believe that, your daughter wouldn't be in childcare.
If my son gets upset and my mom and I are both in the room, he might go to her or he might go to me. I can't predict when he'll do either. If I'm not there, he will happily let my mom comfort him and love on him and not ask for me.
My mom lives two hours away. She visits a lot and we go there, but it's not as if she's down the street and we see her every day. Yet my son has always turned to her. My daughter has always turned to her other grandmother (who lives the same distance away).
I suspect that this may, in part, be because I left the children with their grandmothers for an extended vacation when they were young; S was 10 months when he spent 10 days with my mom (and his sister) and D was 18 months when she spent that amount of time with her other grandmother. They bonded pretty tightly in that time.
The family therapist also told me that my son depends very heavily on his older sister as his safety net. If she's there, he feels safe, no matter which adults are around (he was 15 months old when his father moved out). She is only 3 years older than him, she is not a caregiver in any sense, and she thinks he is an annoying little brother, but with her there, he's comfortable.
Who, folk who weren't close friends? Sure. When my twin died all kinds of people were so kind and supportive. But, there was nothing like my husband and bf.
You have been applying quite a bit of reasoned, mature perception onto babies imo. And what we find to be healthy and positive traits obviously differs among us. Sorry, but I think you are just wrong here. We are chemically and physiologically attached to those who care for us and however well intentioned "others" may be they simply cannot replace the comfort provided by the parent/child bond.
I think you are under-emphasizing the importance of the parental bond, but perhaps this is due to differing experience. If moments with strangers are as valuable to you as that with those you spend your life with I have to wonder about the depth of your familial relationships. My mother is a royal PITA at times but our bond runs so deep it's just not something that can be even be compared.
The very act of comforting someone in a stressful situation can instantly generate a very strong bond. Look at the sheer volume of those saved by a stranger, including children saved by strangers, who form a near instant bond with their "savior".
You seem to see attachment in a far more black and white manner than it is for the vast majority of people. Attachment is a along a spectrum and many children can and do form very strong attachments to people who are not heir parents.
Additionally, parents frequently translate fear to their children in such a manner that they actually cause more stress. One of my friends has a child who requires surgery every few months. His mother has been banned from his pre-OP room as everyone involved has realized her anxiety over the impending surgery was making the child far more anxious tha he was on his own. Parents are not inherently more comforting for everyone. Odd that you cannot see that.
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