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I guess I am here to vent but need some advise, I have a 22 year old boy who has defied our rules time and time again at our home he is in college and plays football and I would love for him to finish his education, but he has pushed me over the edge to the point this weekend that I told my husband that he can't stay here any longer. To make a long story short he has used our home good christian home at that as a motel room, so we tried talking to the girls mom and no help there she condoned what they were doing Heck she is living with a man that she is not married too. So we decided that we would give him an ultimatum either he stops seeing this girl or he gets out and gets his own place, with that he has no job and don't want to work and through all this he wrecked his truck and then it got really bad she was forbidden to come here and he started abusing us because of it busted noses bruises all over cursing us and trying to make me wreck my truck, pulling the steering when I take him places that he has to be then when we gave him the ultimatum he decided that he would leave the girl and stay here, on the circumstances that he never speak to this girl or see her again well yesterday we find out they have been seeing each other and the only choice we had was to kick him out and I told him never to step his foot back in my home again. does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with this I don't really want to know if I was right or wrong people have their own rules as to what can go on in their homes but how do I cope with losing my son to a world he has never been taught to live in because he has had it made all his life. and to cope with losing your son to a tramp!
You don't need to tell him he can't see this girl. You do need to tell him that he cannot live at home anymore, but that he's welcome home for Sunday dinner. Tell him you're happy to help him move.
It's normal for a 22 yr old man to have sex, but you don't need to know about it if he would just move out. He's not respecting the rules of your home, so he can't live there. But don't cut off your relationship with him just because he is not following the strict rules of your religion. You just don't have to have him live with you, and do it in your home.
You have to let him go. Or make him go. Especially if he is physically abusing you. That's a BIG no-no. If you have to call the police or get an order of protection and change the locks, do it. You don't say where you live so I can't say what the laws are about getting him out, but the first step is finding out how to do that. You deserve to live in a house where you are not abused. I would worry about this more than the girl. That's his life and if he wants to waste it on a tramp, there's nothing really you can do to stop it. But YOUR life expectation is to live w/o danger, and he seems like he's dangerous and out-of-control. So just in case you didn't understand me: GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE WHATEVER WAY YOU CAN.
Then let him figure out where to live, how to pay for school, where to get work, who he wants to sleep with, what he'll use for wheels, etc. Make those HIS problems, not yours. After all, he's 22 and grown. You tried to help and got smacked in the face for it -- both literally and metaphorically -- so the only way for it to stop is for YOU to stop it.
He may just be "in love" with the wrong one, using drugs, in the beginning stages of mental illness, or just plain immature. You'll be able to get a better handle on that though when he's gone. But he has to be gone first. Then you should think about how to help him, or even whether you want to.
Yes, your house, your rules. And it appears both of those are more important to you than your son. What exactly are you looking for here?
Many parents would be thrilled their 22 yr old was in college, playing sports, and in a relationship. Young adults in a consensual relationship are both responsible for their sex life. That doesn't make the girl a tramp.
Your post was difficult to read, with the lack of punctuation, so I'm not sure who hit who.
Many parents would be thrilled their 22 yr old was in college, playing sports, and in a relationship. Young adults in a consensual relationship are both responsible for their sex life. That doesn't make the girl a tramp.
The OP is allowed to be upset that the son moved a girl into their house against their wishes!
I agree that your post was hard to read, but the message came through that this man is a danger to you. To protect yourself, you need to have him removed from your home. He can move into a dorm at college or get a job and get his own place. You must realize that this isn't all the girl's fault...you aren't "losing" him to a tramp (as you put it). He is CHOOSING to have sex with her and associate with her.
If things are/were really as bad as you say (assault with physical injury)...then he NEEDS to go. You also state that he tried to force you to wreck your vehicle (ie: attempt to harm or KILL).
Don't feel sorry for him. Don't feel guilty that he is like this because "losing my son to a world he has never been taught to live in because he has had it made all his life"...those words are your crutch and he will use that guilt against you. Spoiled does NOT equal assault or attempted murder...which your son did to you.
No matter how angry your son get, he have no rights putting his hands on anyone, especially on the very people who is taking care of him and paying his way through life. You should have called the cops to send a message that he can't bully his parents around into changing their house rules. I probably would have backed off demanding him not to see this girl though, the main thing you wanted was for him not to have her in your house and using it as a motel. However, I think you did the right thing by putting him out. Parents shouldn't feel threatened, bullied, and scared of their own children in their own house.
The OP is allowed to be upset that the son moved a girl into their house against their wishes!
Allowing her to spend the night is not "moving her in."
OP, you are allowed to have rules, and you are allowed to make him follow them or move out. Your mistake was forbidding him from seeing the girl. Even the bible says to leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife. Having an adult relationship at 22 is normal. He is entitled to do that. Leaving your home would be the right move for him to make. You have no right to dictate his love life, as long as he agreed not to let her spend the night anymore.
^^ Exactly. The OP drew a line in the sand, and her son chose to cross it.
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