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Old 06-14-2014, 12:38 AM
 
1,638 posts, read 3,817,265 times
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She sounds fine to me. I'd probably encourage her to join a group of some kind (church group, etc) just so she can socialize a bit. I do think everyone should have at least 1 friend. But yeah, some people just don't need a lot of social interaction.

I think it's cool that she writes
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Old 06-14-2014, 06:26 AM
 
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Curious - have you looked into Aspergers Syndrome at all? My daughter was/is like that (she's almost 21) - had trouble in school making friends, socially awkward, not good at social cues - her doctor suggested Aspergers and it totally fit - she has every symptom listed! There is no "cure" but it was helpful to have a diagnosis so we could move forward and HELP her succeed. For example, if we're out and about and someone says something to her, she may not answer, depending on what she's doing. If I (gently) remind her to respond, then she will. She's a polite, lovely girl - just has some social issues. With some practice and some (again gentle) pushing from me, she has a steady boyfriend and has a good job. Sometimes it's more than just being introverted. ;-) Good luck!
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Old 06-14-2014, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Denver
4,564 posts, read 10,926,437 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Then she isn't "wasting time". She's creating something.

Writers are often introverts, BTW. The problem isn't that she's solitary. The problem is that she's not getting better at what she does and getting the education she needs. Community college would be a good place for her to start. She can take creative writing classes, journalism classes... She'll meet PLENTY of people in those classes and they'll be her kind of people. Encourage her. Don't expect her to do what you did. She's not you.
This. I think community college is a great idea. She might start figuring out what she wants to do and at least getting some basics out of the way.
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Old 06-14-2014, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Ontario
723 posts, read 863,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boston05 View Post
Hi there. I am new here and worried about my daughter. Found out about this place from my sister and figured I give it shot and get some advice...

My daughter is 19 and whenever she isn't at work she is home all the time. She has no friends, never had a boyfriend, her social life is nonexistent. The only things she does is watch TV, read, write and wastes time on the computer. Nothing wrong with these things but they shouldn't be the ONLY things she does.

I tried to tell her to make friends with her co-workers and she just tells me no. When I ask why she says they aren't the kind of people she wants to be around. She says this about everyone! All throughout middle school, high school, whenever I'd suggest to invite a friend over she always has the same excuse. She says stuff like oh they're all the same, not her kind of people, etc.

I don't know what to do!! She wants to be alone all the time. At her age I was going out with my group of friends every night. I was never home. I started dating in 10th grade and here she is, graduated from high school and doesn't even have a guys number in her phone!

Has anyone else had this problem? How do I get her to be more social?

I think you should just make it clear to her that she only gets one shot at her precious youth, and if this is how she wants to spend it then fine, but if not then she needs to act.
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Old 06-14-2014, 09:29 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 14,217,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Then she isn't "wasting time". She's creating something.

Writers are often introverts, BTW. The problem isn't that she's solitary. The problem is that she's not getting better at what she does and getting the education she needs. Community college would be a good place for her to start. She can take creative writing classes, journalism classes... She'll meet PLENTY of people in those classes and they'll be her kind of people. Encourage her. Don't expect her to do what you did. She's not you.
THAT is what she should take in college - writing! That is what SHE wants to do. What SHE likes to do!
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Old 06-14-2014, 10:13 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,030,504 times
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As long as she's happy, I don't see a problem. If she likes to write, she should probably major in something around that. Even if she doesn't know yet, she should start community college, at least. She can get general ed out of the way, and maybe figure out what she wants to do. A 19 year old living at home, working at a movie theater, with no future plans is way more worrisome to me than her lack of social life.
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Old 06-14-2014, 10:30 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,495 posts, read 26,730,900 times
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I don't know, a 19 year old, living at home and working, not being a big pain but just not socializing enough, is a refreshing change from most of the threads we see about kids that age.
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Old 06-14-2014, 10:43 AM
 
Location: a little corner of a very big universe
845 posts, read 701,686 times
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She sounds fine to me--a fellow introvert. In fact, she sounds LIKE me, except that I had academic interests (not literature or writing-oriented) that I pursued in college and grad school. I'm now employed as a researcher and am a professional writer and editor.
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Old 06-14-2014, 01:48 PM
 
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Sounds a lot like Aspergers. Aspies want to have social interaction, but it doesn't come naturally or easily to them. When they are socially rejected because they don't know how to socially interact, they say that the people around them aren't worth being friends with, anyway.

If your daughter were around people who share her interest, she might develop some connections. Do anything you can to get her into college - even just one course in writing may open up some social connectedness.
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Old 06-14-2014, 03:20 PM
 
2,144 posts, read 1,865,448 times
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I hope you don't constantly voice your issues with her social life to her, because you'd basically be saying you're disappointed in her all the time. Why not instead take interest in what she's writing casually, or try to initiate a conversation about anything she enjoys.

I'm an introvert and a writer. What she's doing sounds perfectly normal to me. Once she gets in college and can take some writing classes or something she's actually interested in, I bet she'll meet some of her type of people.

While it is possible she as Aspergers... I see nothing in the OP that indicates the girl is having any trouble understanding social queues etc. Being introverted is not a disorder.
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