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The process of getting married has so many expectations tied to it of spending money, that most people would rather wait until they're financially comfortable and do it "right" then to have a cheap wedding and feel like they're coming off to the community like a loser, or not inviting people who invited them to weddings because they can't afford it. For young people who are still in university or getting established in their careers with lots of student loan debt, doing things like buying a ring for several thousand dollars and then hosting a giant party for tens of thousands and then paying for a vacation on top of it all can seem very financially irresponsible and frivolous, so it is put off. If marriage is going to come back into vogue, people need to change the channel on putting out all of these expectations of a very expensive process, and simplify the legal ramifications. If it were just a simple ceremony I would have gotten married years ago.
None of what you listed is required to get married but it is glorified and stated as the absolute only way to get married via television programs, peer pressure and family desires.
The only thing required to get married is a bride, a groom, a license and a person authorized to legally perform the ceremony.
The rest is fluff that means nothing to anyone and is not necessary or required.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,679 posts, read 41,525,502 times
Reputation: 41302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
You would cut out your mother after a few days with no rap music??
Not visiting is hardly cutting out someone. I talk to her nearly every week. In fact I'm going to KY to visit her in a couple of weeks.
It is the principle of the thing. She is using her morals to try to control me while in her environment like the OP is with her son and I won't have it.
Not visiting is hardly cutting out someone. I talk to her nearly every week. In fact I'm going to KY to visit her in a couple of weeks.
It is the principle of the thing. She is using her morals to try to control me while in her environment like the OP is with her son and I won't have it.
I guess you could look at it that way, if you want to spend your life armed for battle with your MOM.
Or you could be a grown up and realize that your rights end where hers begin, and in HER house, she is within her rights to ask that you not smoke and play rap music.
It's just sad that rap music, alcohol and tobacco would be worth more than that relationship to you.
Maybe Mom and son have another conflict and this is just a symptom of a bigger problem? I think the son needs to just suck it up and respect Mom's wishes. Your parents aren't going to live forever and you can run your own life your own way EVERYWHERE else.
The only real difference is the piece of paper. You can be incredibly committed and not be married, and you can be married and be committed on paper only. A piece of paper does not make a relationship stronger, or more legitimate these days.
And you couldn't be more wrong. When a married couple decides to call it quits you go in front of a judge who decides about the assets. Also who is going to incur any debts that are involved.
You don't do that when you have lived together for 2 yrs.
So while "a piece of paper" may not make a relationship stronger, when it comes to financial matters it does matter.
I guess you could look at it that way, if you want to spend your life armed for battle with your MOM.
Or you could be a grown up and realize that your rights end where hers begin, and in HER house, she is within her rights to ask that you not smoke and play rap music.
It's just sad that rap music, alcohol and tobacco would be worth more than that relationship to you.
Rap music, alcohol, and tobacco are worth more to his mother than her relationship with him as well.
And you couldn't be more wrong. When a married couple decides to call it quits you go in front of a judge who decides about the assets. Also who is going to incur any debts that are involved.
You don't do that when you have lived together for 2 yrs.
So while "a piece of paper" may not make a relationship stronger, when it comes to financial matters it does matter.
Where I live cohabiting couples who split up after living together for at least 5 years or who have a child together are entitled to the same help in regards to dividing assets as married couples divorcing are.
OP, you really haven't stated why you feel so strongly about this. Your son is 26 years old and seemingly in a very committed relationship with his gf. It's not as if he is 19 and bringing home a different gf every semester of college. What bad example would this be setting for the younger kids? Bc YOU feel people need to be married to sleep in the same room? Well, if that belief is worth more than sending time with your son, than keep this up.
I am 31 y/o male and agree with your son. He's an adult. You are trying to push your views on him, and he is letting you know he is a grown up able to make his own decisions.
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