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Most kids who are raised by alcoholics have serious issues and often feel extreme rage and disrespect towards the alcholic parent. But as she is a legal adult, you really have no control over her anymore.
Time to kick her out and let her find her own way - it's the best thing you can do for her. Meanwhile, it's time to take your own recovery seriously and model good behavior that she can see.
Wait until the end of your lease and do not renew your lease. That way you do not have to live with her through an eviction process or be held legally responsible for rent and damages if you leave now. You cannot legally make her leave without evicting her because she is on the lease.
I would not go through evicting her, unless you have a safe place to stay while doing it. She could harm you, even kill you. Has she ever been aggressive toward you? Better to move out, and let the landlord evict her.
She can't evict her since she's on the lease. She shouldn't move from the apartment until the lease is over to protect her own credit. She can wait until the lease is over and move at that time without her daughter. She can find somewhere to live then.
Her daughter isn't going to kill her. If the OP truly fears for her life (which I doubt), she can go get a PFA and her daughter will be evicted that way. She won't get a PFA unless she has physical proof like bruises, etc. She also needs to know a vindictive 19 year old won't likely obey the law.
Cancel the phone service you both are on and get a separate one on your own. Don't tell her you did that. Tell her you could no longer afford it. I do not know how you live in fear. I don't think you have to have physical bruises to get a TRO. You should look into it.
She's treating you like you have a reason to put up with her crap for awhile. Do you? If so, how long did that situation last? I know it's hard to accept, but if there was trouble in your past relationship, she's not going to be healed and ready to fix your relationship just because that's what you're interested in. That doesn't mean she won't ever be ready, but it makes sense that she might need to get her hurt and frustration out before that can happen.
I'd sit down and say, "I'm sorry things weren't better. I want to have a good relationship and I've been trying for awhile now. I don't know if I've been doing the wrong things or if you're just not ready for that yet, but what will help you feel better about being my daughter? I'm worried about you."
After you guys talk, give her a sheet of paper that says you want her to be in school or have a job by next semester. Let her know you'll help her any way you can, but this is important to you because it's so important to the rest of her life. Make this all about you caring for her, not what you want or think you deserve.
That will open the door to mutual respect, but that also means you can't try to discipline her like a 12 year old. That stage in her life has passed. It doesn't mean you can't help guide her once she trusts you, but you'll have to deal with her like an adult friend. Offer your opinion but be prepared to accept it if she decides to go a different direction.
Cancel the phone service you both are on and get a separate one on your own. Don't tell her you did that. Tell her you could no longer afford it. I do not know how you live in fear. I don't think you have to have physical bruises to get a TRO. You should look into it.
Good idea, and the OP should password protect her new phone,
so the daughter can't use it.
Go to your current landlord. Tell them (part of) your situation. Ask if you can break the lease. Site the "happy clause" if needed.
They may be willing to accommodate if there is a good market for renters and maybe not make you pay any penalty if you can make a good case for why you want out. Then cooperate with them in anyway possible, even trying to find a suitable replacement.
If they approve, look for your own place without your daughters knowledge. Then GTFO and let her figure it out on her own. DON"T give in either. She'll cry and pi$$ and moan and play on your sympathy but don't give in.
I feel sorry for you but only a bit as you've made your own bed. (which you acknowledge) It's more disgust than anything. I realize you now know you messed up.
My mother did the same thing with a (much younger than me) half brother and he turned out to be a POS leach. Horrible.
Cut the chord now or you'll wake up some day and she'll be 30 and STILL leeching off of you.
You mean there would be an eviction on your record if you move out?
Go to this link. it's easy to ask a question. Lot's of knowledgeable LL's that can even give you state specific info on how to deal with breaking a lease.
If you give notice appropriately to end the lease according to the terms of your lease, and move out appropriately, but daughter doesn't leave and doesn't pay the rent, then SHE can be evicted, but you cannot. If you abandon the lease, giving notice and returning the keys, then SHE can be evicted, but you cannot. However, you can be held liable for the rent for the rest of the lease, or until they get it rented to someone else, whichever is shorter. How much time do you have left on the lease?
The idea of cancelling the phones and getting yourself a new one is an excellent one. If your daughter hasn't already, anticipate that she will likely steal and pawn your possessions to buy herself what she thinks you owe her. So better to lock stuff up in a safe deposit box, if you have valuables, before you do all this.
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