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I don't know what goes through a woman's mind when she wrongfully use child support. I do know the kid/s are being neglected whenever this act of selfishness happens.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Define "wrongful use of child support." My mother received it for the majority of my childhood from my father and every penny went to helping us to survive. I don't call that wrongful use.
Define "wrongful use of child support." My mother received it for the majority of my childhood from my father and every penny went to helping us to survive. I don't call that wrongful use.
Money being used on a drug, alcohol, cigarette, gambling habit, etc, buying nonessential luxury items, etc etc
Okay I get the alimony thing, but I don't understand why men balk at supporting their own children.
Because they are not his children. Sure they are genetically. But how much say do you get in how they are raised? Do they get to decide where they live? or what school they attend? Do they get to hug them when they come home from work? Do they get to tuck them in bed at night? No... Just shut up, pay the bill and maybe you'll see them every other weekend if their mother, the actual parent, allows it.
And by the way women are statistically more likely to skip paying their child support. But unlike men are almost never sent to prison for it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster
What goes through a dude's mind when he gets a woman pregnant, and skips town?
Probably that leaving town is his only choice. The law does not allow men any say in case of an accidental pregnancy. Women makes a mistake and gets pregnant? No problem. Your legally allowed to Kill and Abandon your baby. Man makes a mistake and gets a girl pregnant? Shut up and pay the bill. How much do you pay? Depends on how much you got? And unless your headed to mexico I don't see what leaving towns gonna do when the government finds you and garners your wages.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
What goes through a man's mind when he creates a relationship and a child with someone, and then leaves because it's: too much responsibility, found another woman, she got fat, life didn't turn out like he planned, something more interesting came along?
What an a** ho- wait a minute. Isn't it women that initiate the divorces 75% of the time?
What an a** ho- wait a minute. Isn't it women that initiate the divorces 75% of the time?
Filing for divorce does not equal initiating divorce. Women file most of the time, but that doesn't mean the person who does the paperwork is the one who wanted the marriage to end. My case is typical... husband walked out, left said the marriage was over, moved in with his boyfriend, and left me to file the paperwork. I get to add to the women filing for divorce statistic even though I didn't ask for it. Seems to be common. The person walking away, cheating, etc just leaves and leaves all responsibility--including tying up the legal ends. I filed after over a year of being separated from my ex because I wanted to be able to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. If I left it up to him, I bet we'd still be separated and not divorced... because he didn't care where I did.
The most common thing I saw in my divorce support group was infidelity. Usually the cheating wife or husband just leaves and the one cheated on (roughly the more responsible one) gets to clean up the mess. The other reason I saw (in more of the "irreconcilable differences" cases) the most was that the women (at the time) took care of the kids and didn't work outside the home or worked part time. So the couple agreed she would file (so the man didn't have to take time off work to do it... made sense that way).
If you look up the reasons why women divorce more, most articles will say it's because the man is more likely to be badly behaved in a marriage and women (in a lot of states) are more likely to get custody of the children. This according to a University of Virginia study:
Quote:
"Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One recent study found that many of the reasons for this have to do with the nature of our divorce laws. For example, in most states women have a good chance of receiving custody of their children. Because women more strongly want to keep their children with them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces is much lower. Also, the higher rate of women initiators is probably due to the fact that men are more likely to be "badly behaved." Husbands, for example, are more likely than wives to have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity.
Although I accept it since they had a larger sample group than my divorce support group... again, what I saw was the person who was cheated on/wronged (man or women) filing and in other cases where things were more amiable the one without the high demand job (most cases women) taking the time to file so the other spouse didn't have to take time off. I also live in a state where custody is automatically 50/50 unless one party gives up their rights or is found to be unfit.
Back to the subject. I can't tell you what or why some women wrongfully use child support. Some people (and that includes some women) are just bad parents. They don't spend the money on the children. My child gets support and 70% of it goes to after school child care that allows me (and my ex) to work normal, full time jobs (we have joint custody). I also buy her clothes, shoes, toys, pay for after school programs, summer camps, school supplies, school lunches, etc. Which usually ends up using the rest and then some.
And by this I mean the idea is my ex gives 50% of the support and I put in 50% of the support and that total budget is what I spend on child care, clothes, school lunches, supplies, etc, etc... I spend the entire support check he sends and match it and then spend some more. What he pays in support doesn't quite cover half of our child's expenses (and I track every dollar in Quicken). But a lot of that is my choice. I could cut the music lessons, summer camps, birthday parties, etc... but I won't. Anyway, the way it works is I pay all the bills and essentially the support is his half and the support is he is reimbursing me. The only exception is medical expenses. When they happen, we both pay as they aren't figured into support because you can't really predict those long-term.
And he gets a lot of say in how she's raised. We discuss things like this all the time. Heck, I have to live where I live (which is expensive) because my ex and I want the best schools for our child. If I didn't have her, I could live someplace cheaper--I am stuck living in the area I live until she turns 18. Granted, he has no say in my household.... but I have no say in his either. But major things, yes, we talk and agree like parents are supposed to do... not the Jerry Springer special "parents" so many seem to think divorced parents are.
Last edited by jillabean; 07-08-2014 at 06:35 AM..
I don't know, but it goes both ways. When my ex husband and I separated, I wanted nothing from him. Not from his retirement, not from his 401k, not from anything. That was his, I figured. I wasn't retiring with him.
Him? He wouldn't let me have any of the furniture that I bought over the years with my income tax return. He wouldn't let me have the kids beds.
We had no furniture and the kids had to sleep on the hard wood flooring until I could get them beds. I did too.
Child support? The judge left it up to him to give that to me whenever we saw each other to meet with the kids.
Stupid thread, merely provocative with no merits. What percentage of mothers receiving child support use it for alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes? A miniscule amount.
Far more fathers are delinquent on child support payments than mothers who spend the money on drugs.
If you add up the cost of housing, utilities, daycare, food, etc, there is no way that child support is covering ALL of what the kids need just to survive. So what makes you think that if a woman spends a penny on herself, that she's spending the child support on herself?
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