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Old 07-13-2014, 06:31 AM
 
1,915 posts, read 3,812,398 times
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My vote is for no father in the home, dependent on his attitude.

A good friend/coworker has a husband that hasn't worked in years. He's verbally abusive, toxic and lazy. She would be better off alone than coming home after working a 12+ hour shift to a dirty home and emotionally damaged children.

Last year, she came to me to tell me she was finally sick of him. I took her out to dinner and drinks to calm her down. My advice was for her to shut up and eat her meal and drink....I knew she was just talking out her "rear"! Oh, and I was right, she's still with him and is in serious financial distress....and he's still refuses to help with household duties or work.

I can do bad by myself! Dude's worth more dead.
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Old 07-13-2014, 06:59 AM
 
43,011 posts, read 104,100,159 times
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From the OP's description, it sounds like the father is a SAHD, not a lazy father.

The dysfunction seems to be the OP's/wife's attitude towards it.
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Old 07-13-2014, 07:01 AM
 
43,011 posts, read 104,100,159 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kharing View Post
My vote is for no father in the home, dependent on his attitude.

A good friend/coworker has a husband that hasn't worked in years. He's verbally abusive, toxic and lazy. She would be better off alone than coming home after working a 12+ hour shift to a dirty home and emotionally damaged children.

Last year, she came to me to tell me she was finally sick of him. I took her out to dinner and drinks to calm her down. My advice was for her to shut up and eat her meal and drink....I knew she was just talking out her "rear"! Oh, and I was right, she's still with him and is in serious financial distress....and he's still refuses to help with household duties or work.

I can do bad by myself! Dude's worth more dead.
The OP says he's not abusive in the scenario in the first post.
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Old 07-13-2014, 07:13 AM
 
24 posts, read 58,527 times
Reputation: 59
A stay at home father is NOT a lazy bum unless he sits on his ass all day and does nothing.

My co-worker is married to a man who takes on the role of a home maker and he works his ass off all day from morning till evening. They have 3 small kids one of which is an infant. He does all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, takes kids to activities and doctors appts and everything in between. His wife gets home to a hot meal waiting.

This arrangement was mutually agreed upon and she absolutely adores her husband as she should. I'd love to see someone do his job and call him lazy sfterwards.
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Old 07-13-2014, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Arizona
7,497 posts, read 7,485,728 times
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When a child doesn't know who his father is, there is more than 1 person missing.

Imagine your family without your father. You also would not have your uncles, his parents, your cousins, your aunts. That side of the family gone. His friends and co workers also gone. Every person you know because of your father, gone.

A father in the home is important. Even if he is not the best person. As long as there is no physical abuse or sexual abuse. It is because of the others that are involved because of his presence.

Since everyone has a different definition of "verbal abuse" and whatever the hell " toxic" means now-a -days I tend to disregard posts that mention those. Maybe we need a little more of what some people would refer to as verbal abuse.

A stay at home dad is not lazy!
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Old 07-13-2014, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,314,864 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SinncerelyYours View Post
A stay at home father is NOT a lazy bum unless he sits on his ass all day and does nothing.

My co-worker is married to a man who takes on the role of a home maker and he works his ass off all day from morning till evening. They have 3 small kids one of which is an infant. He does all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, takes kids to activities and doctors appts and everything in between. His wife gets home to a hot meal waiting.

This arrangement was mutually agreed upon and she absolutely adores her husband as she should. I'd love to see someone do his job and call him lazy sfterwards.

This sounds like a FINE husband, to me.

In "my" day...this type of situation was frowned on and still is in much of this country. The fact is, some women are much happier being the ones heading out to work, rather than staying at home with the kids. Some men are as happy as pigs in mud, to be the one staying home and raising their children. Why in the heck not? As long as you've got 2 people, working together as a team, each using their strengths to make their family unit run smoothly and efficiently, who cares how they divy up the responsibilities?

A SAHD is no different than a SAHM, IMHO. If you are the one staying home all day, raising kids, you are the one who is "available" to care for the children, take care of the household and yard duties and see to it that your mate has clean clothes and meals ready when they get home. A parent who does nothing productive all day, is not "earning their keep" and doing their share. A lazy parent is worse than no parent at all, because not only are they emotionally abusing the working parent, but they're setting a terrible example for their children.

A person who does nothing all day long, while their team mate works...is not a funtional member of the team...aka, there's NO team. It's simply two people, living in limbo, one mooching off of the other and half-assed keeping an eye on the kids.
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Old 07-13-2014, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,704 posts, read 98,971,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
Only in 21st-century America would it ever be considered "dysfunctional" if a parent actually stays home with their kids.

And if you think being a stey-at-home parent is "lazy," try it some day.
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Old 07-13-2014, 08:05 AM
 
112 posts, read 124,658 times
Reputation: 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
lol someone needs to get out of Jersey.

And what exactly does a "real man" do then, pray tell? Are men who work from home, with or without children, not "real men"either? What if they trade stocks or make and sell furniture all day? Is that manly enough for you?

Last edited by Imnotatrolldamnyou; 07-13-2014 at 08:17 AM..
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Old 07-13-2014, 08:11 AM
 
112 posts, read 124,658 times
Reputation: 114
Quote:
Originally Posted by kharing View Post
My vote is for no father in the home, dependent on his attitude.

A good friend/coworker has a husband that hasn't worked in years. He's verbally abusive, toxic and lazy. She would be better off alone than coming home after working a 12+ hour shift to a dirty home and emotionally damaged children.
Sounds like my dad. Well the OP specifically said "non abusive" for the stay at home dad. Your example does not describe a stay at home "dad' it describes a freeloading abuser.
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Old 07-13-2014, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,314,864 times
Reputation: 19523
[quote=jerseygal4u;35626731]Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?[/quote]


It is unhealthy for kids to see a lazy bun in the home....yep! It is unhealthy, whether it is a mom or a dad, who is the lazy bum!

Look, as a family, you have goals to meet and chores to do and people to care for and set examples for. Being a SAHP is a JOB!!!! If you're not doing your job RIGHT, get a job making money, so that you can pay someone else to do what YOU are not doing. Period! The parents who stay at home with children and do nothing all day are lazy bums...again, I don't care whether it's a man or a woman. A healthy, grown, adult, who sits around all day, like an irresponsible, lazy child....is not a responsible parent....they're simply a bad example of irresponsible breeding.
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