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Old 07-13-2014, 08:23 AM
 
Location: NYC
16,053 posts, read 25,550,713 times
Reputation: 24824

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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Is he not a stay at home dad? Someone has to watch the kids.
Exactly.
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Old 07-13-2014, 09:24 AM
 
16,833 posts, read 16,809,048 times
Reputation: 20838
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
Are you serious? That marriage is not dysfunctional

If a woman stays home with the kids would you be calling her a lazy bum?

Dear god I hope you're trolling.
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:01 AM
 
8,808 posts, read 13,074,131 times
Reputation: 9151
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Are you serious? That marriage is not dysfunctional

If a woman stays home with the kids would you be calling her a lazy bum?

Dear god I hope you're trolling.
No,not at all trolling.

TO lots of people it is,because many people see it as him mooching off a woman.
the sahd does the bare minimum as far as chores,but he still feeds the kiddies,watches them, gives them baths.

Some people think the woman is a dummy for allowing it to happen(for her hubby to stay st home)
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Old 07-13-2014, 10:07 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
33,949 posts, read 21,298,058 times
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Depends on how dysfunctional the 'non working' Dad is. If he's a SAHD - doing SAHD things like running the house; errands, cooking, volunteering at school; coaching, running the kids to practice - then that would be fantastic!

IF he's just lazy and can't work because he's depressed OR he has migraines OR he has a polite addiction to pain medication . . . then Mom is better off without THAT as a daily role model.

Speaking from what I saw in my own family.

I saw one boy turn out lazy and drug addicted - just like his Dad. The other had numerous other social problems. Mom spent more time taking care of dysfunctional Dad than she did her own kids.
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Old 07-13-2014, 11:03 AM
 
11,841 posts, read 8,828,477 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
Depends on how dysfunctional the 'non working' Dad is. If he's a SAHD - doing SAHD things like running the house; errands, cooking, volunteering at school; coaching, running the kids to practice - then that would be fantastic!

IF he's just lazy and can't work because he's depressed OR he has migraines OR he has a polite addiction to pain medication . . . then Mom is better off without THAT as a daily role model.

Speaking from what I saw in my own family.

I saw one boy turn out lazy and drug addicted - just like his Dad. The other had numerous other social problems. Mom spent more time taking care of dysfunctional Dad than she did her own kids.
Lazy and depressed are not the same thing. Suffering from migraines and being lazy is not the same thing. Being addicted to pain meds is not laziness. If you (generic you) were talking about a man leaving his wife because she suffered any of those afflictions, which are all serious and debilitating, you'd be considered somewhat cold and heartless. Men have problems too. Do we just dump em when they don't perform up to our expectations? What happened to in sickness and in health?
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Old 07-13-2014, 11:29 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 17,295,352 times
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Someone close to me is married to a man who works occasional off-the-books odd jobs and spends the rest of his time going out or lying around the house. I think their kid would be better off with him gone - all she sees is a guy who takes his wife for granted and doesn't see parenting as a priority. He's not abusive (though he does have a temper and frequently has tantrums), but he just models bad behavior, poor interpersonal relationships and lack of responsibility. Their child is already showing signs of noticing his rejection of the roles of husband and father.

If he helped his wife with her burgeoning career, and took care of the household and their child, I would have no problem with his lack of employment. But he doesn't do any of those things.

She is seriously thinking about leaving him, and I am all for it. She says she doesn't want to miss a single day with their child, but my POV on the matter is that it's better to have joint custody with this loser and set up her own household in which she models a functional and emotionally healthy lifestyle when the child is with her than maintain the constantly chaotic household with the toxic atmosphere that she has now. Given the casual rejection and the horrific role model their child is faced with on a daily basis, I think no father in the house at all would definitely be better.

For myself, as a woman with a career that is taking off and a pretty decent income, I would love to have a guy around the house who would take care of all the administrative tasks and inefficiencies that are dragging me down. Someone to maintain my yard, garden, house and vehicle, someone to keep tabs on the bills and savings, someone to take care of the pets (I'm not really hankering for kids), and someone to take care of all that stuff that trips me up on a daily basis while I'm trying to concentrate on my career.
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Old 07-13-2014, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,704 posts, read 99,030,172 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
No,not at all trolling.

TO lots of people it is,because many people see it as him mooching off a woman.
the sahd does the bare minimum as far as chores,but he still feeds the kiddies,watches them, gives them baths.

Some people think the woman is a dummy for allowing it to happen(for her hubby to stay st home)
And those people can mind their own damned business.

If the arrangement works for the couple and family in question, everyone else can knob off.
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Old 07-13-2014, 12:22 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 104,155,711 times
Reputation: 30666
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
No,not at all trolling.

TO lots of people it is,because many people see it as him mooching off a woman.
the sahd does the bare minimum as far as chores,but he still feeds the kiddies,watches them, gives them baths.

Some people think the woman is a dummy for allowing it to happen(for her hubby to stay st home)
You're not describing the SAHDs I've known!

My husband's lifelong friend was a SAHD because his wife didn't want to stay home. He enriched the children's lives immensely. Way more than most mothers I know. In addition to running the house, he took his daughter for long bike rides and hikes and boating trips. He was a Girl Scout Leader for 10 years.

My sister's husband sure showed her up when he stayed home for a year. The house ran like a well oiled machine. It was perfectly clean at all times, laundry was always done, the children were bathed and dinner was on the table when she arrived home from work. During the day he took the children boating, fishing and all sorts of fun things and STILL kept that home spotless and got all the chores done.

It's really sad society has a double standard about what men and women do.
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Old 07-13-2014, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
82,347 posts, read 75,690,167 times
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I knew a woman who made big bucks selling medical equipment--MRI machines and the like. She often had to travel overseas.

Her husband, who had a Wall Street job, quit to stay home with their three kids, one of whom was diabetic. His wife made more money, so they made that choice. They had a gorgeous house with a pool.

Just to make matters worse, the husband was really good-looking to boot. The only thing that kept me from being green with envy is that this woman is really, really nice and unpretentious. ; )
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Old 07-13-2014, 02:12 PM
 
30,399 posts, read 34,731,626 times
Reputation: 33399
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Would not the kids be harmed by having a dysfunctional family though?

Who moved my thread to relationships?
I think it should be in Great Debates.
It may be a question of which is the lesser evil. The lesser evil, by a wide margin, is for the kids to have 2 parents under the same roof.

And quite honestly, if the roles were reversed and YOU were the one staying home taking care of the kids and HE was the breadwinner complaining here on CD about how lazy you are, he would be getting a ration of shyt from a lot of CD posters.
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