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Old 07-14-2014, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 34,141,795 times
Reputation: 14682

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
The issue is is that the wife is tired and wants to see the kids more often but cannot because she has to pay all of the bills.
He cooks most times and the house is usually clean.

Isnt she like a "sugar momma" and taking care of him?
This being the case, yes, he's being lazy. I have to ask why he can't work part time so she can give up her part time job and see the kids more. One person working ridiculous hours so the other one can SAH needs to be by agreement. It sounds like she doesn't like the arrangement and that is an issue.

Personally, I do not understand having one parent never see the kids so the other can SAH. Kids have two parents and should see both parents. It makes far more sense to me to have both parents work so they can both have time off and see the kids. If you want to avoid day care, then work opposite shifts.

The question she needs to ask herself is whether or not she'll see her kids more if she dumps him. Divorce should force him to get a job but custody is likely to be shared and she may not get child support. In fact, she could end up paying child support. If this were me, I'd quit the part time job and give him the bills to pay. He needs to man up and support his kids (I'd tell a SAHM in the same situation the same thing). Since she doesn't like not seeing her kids, he needs to get a job. He has no right to ask her to work two jobs so he can work none. He has no right to have all the time with the children while she has little because she's supporting him. However, I don't think no dad in the house is the solution here.
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Old 07-14-2014, 08:24 AM
 
724 posts, read 820,238 times
Reputation: 1732
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
If you switch the genders then what you just described is a stay at home mother. Imagine the uproar if they were being branded 'lazy'.
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Old 07-14-2014, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,801 posts, read 2,189,189 times
Reputation: 1652
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
The issue is is that the wife is tired and wants to see the kids more often but cannot because she has to pay all of the bills.
He cooks most times and the house is usually clean.

Isnt she like a "sugar momma" and taking care of him?

You still haven't answered the question ... What if the rolls were reversed ... Would SHE be a lazy bum??
We all KNOW what your answer is, we just want you to acknowledge it.
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Old 07-14-2014, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co. TN
32,626 posts, read 27,642,759 times
Reputation: 29353
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
If they husband is taking care of the kids, cooking and cleaning I don't see the situation as dysfunctional or the husband as lazy.

Now if he is just sitting home playing video games or what not that is another story. That was the situation with a relative of mine. Her husband hurt his back which led to him not working and getting addicted to pain killers. She worked her butt off and he did nothing. I see a big impact on her three boys. She had since left him but her boys are lazy and don't help her do squat while she is still working hard to support them by herself. This is partially her fault but what got me is when after being chastised by his grandma for not helping and questioned about his future employment her youngest said, "that's what women do".

Her children don't even seem to notice that their dad isn't there anymore.
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Old 07-14-2014, 08:34 AM
 
Location: here
24,865 posts, read 34,593,910 times
Reputation: 32704
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
The issue is is that the wife is tired and wants to see the kids more often but cannot because she has to pay all of the bills.
He cooks most times and the house is usually clean.

Isnt she like a "sugar momma" and taking care of him?
Is a working husband to a stay at home mom a "sugar daddy?" There are a lot of husbands who wish they could see their kids more often. No one says anything about them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
I think the issue is when she tells people she works 2 jobs and that they learn he stays home they look at her like she is crazy.
If that is the problem, then it isn't a problem. What maters is what SHE thinks, not other people.

If you really think this is a big deal, provide some details as to why. With the limited information you've given, my answer is still no.
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Old 07-14-2014, 10:51 AM
 
1,166 posts, read 1,310,678 times
Reputation: 2170
I'm still trying to discern where being the primary caretaker of home and children equates to lazy bum.

If he's looking after children and they're happy, kept active and fed, prepares and cooks the meals, and the house is usually clean, then it seems like he's working to me.

I spent a couple hours this morning cleaning and doing chores (and will be doing other things on and off for the rest of the day). I'll have lunch with and spend some time doing stuff with the kiddo afterward and running a few errands, and then start to prepare dinner. By the time my husband gets home, the house is going to be in a state where things will need picking up and putting away, counters need cleaning and dishes need washing, there will be a basket of folded laundry to put away. My kid will probably have peed on my nicely cleaned toilet with the unerring aim of a 4 year old.

My husband wouldn't even think to accuse me of being lazy because the house wasn't immaculate when he walked through the door at the end of the day because when you have kids, your home is rarely perfectly clean and with everything in its place for very long, unless the kids are asleep or out of the house. I got to slack off more in my well paid 9-5 jobs than I will ever get to do being a lazy stay at home bum...I mean mum.
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Old 07-14-2014, 11:05 AM
 
8,786 posts, read 13,044,099 times
Reputation: 9053
she still has to go to school meetings,shop,and go to Dr. appointments.

She does not do laundry or take the kids to school.
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Old 07-14-2014, 11:08 AM
 
8,786 posts, read 13,044,099 times
Reputation: 9053
She does wonder what would happen if she gets sick.
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Old 07-14-2014, 11:09 AM
 
1,166 posts, read 1,310,678 times
Reputation: 2170
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
She does wonder what would happen if she gets sick.
She would take a sick day or two, rest and get better?
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Old 07-14-2014, 11:13 AM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
15,257 posts, read 19,150,252 times
Reputation: 40110
Then she needs to sit down and discuss a new arrangement if she's that unhappy, but to let other people ideas of what's manly, lazy, crazy, whatever, influence the arrangement is just nuts! They need to do what works for them and forget the nonsense about men only should do this and women should always do that!
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