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Old 07-12-2014, 11:54 PM
 
8,673 posts, read 12,847,191 times
Reputation: 8759

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Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
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Old 07-12-2014, 11:58 PM
 
Location: Concord, California
943 posts, read 957,119 times
Reputation: 3254
Geez...he sounds like a pretty good dad to me. If you guys are making it, financially, and you are avoiding the huge cost of childcare, then he IS making a contribution.
If you feel like he needs to do more then maybe you need to improve your communication strategies.
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Old 07-13-2014, 01:23 AM
 
30,396 posts, read 34,224,397 times
Reputation: 33346
Quote:
Originally Posted by foclampt View Post
Geez...he sounds like a pretty good dad to me. If you guys are making it, financially, and you are avoiding the huge cost of childcare, then he IS making a contribution.
If you feel like he needs to do more then maybe you need to improve your communication strategies.
This is what I'm thinking.

However dysfunctional the situation may be, I think 2 households makes things more dysfunctional, from a cost standpoint as well as for the kids. It messes up the bond the kids have with their (non abusive) dad to have him living somewhere else.

And you're right Jerseygal, it isn't just Republicans who are saying divorce is bad for the kids (although the research from liberal folks mostly backs up what they've been saying all along). It turns out that kids still do better in 2 parent families even if the marriage isn't that great (provided there's no physical/sexual/drug/alcohol abuse). And that's coming from a liberal leaning researcher, Judith Wallerstein as well as others.

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study: Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis, Sandra Blakeslee: 9780786886166: Amazon.com: Books
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Old 07-13-2014, 02:13 AM
 
8,673 posts, read 12,847,191 times
Reputation: 8759
Would not the kids be harmed by having a dysfunctional family though?

Last edited by Jaded; 07-15-2014 at 11:59 AM..
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Old 07-13-2014, 02:25 AM
 
17,868 posts, read 20,058,970 times
Reputation: 13922
So, jerseygal4u, do you think the same is said for a woman who stays home and takes care of the kid(s)? Is she a lazy mother?

What you're describing is a stay at home dad. He is still making a contribution to the family unit if he is watching the kid(s), cleaning the house, and doing whatever is needed to help while the mother is being the bread winner.

He is in no way shape or form being a lazy man because somehow it was decided that it was best that he stayed home to raise the child.

If you said that the father was doing absolutely nothing at all, just sitting at home drinking beer while the child(ren) suffered because they were being neglected, then yes it's probably best that she remove him from the household because that is actually worse than having no father in the house.

But that is NOT what you said. He's at home feeding the child, which probably also means he is also cleaning the house, taking the child to check ups, and running other errands during the day. If you know any stay at home mothers or fathers, they will be more than happy to tell you what they do just about every day. I know of at least one married mother on here who has mentioned many times before that she used to be one, and it's not as easy as one thinks.
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Old 07-13-2014, 03:13 AM
Status: "Ultra MAGA Bill Clinton Democrat here!" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: USA
27,761 posts, read 19,117,412 times
Reputation: 17240
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
This is what I have seen in my years of coaching youth sports in a not so great part of town. The most lost and directionless boys I have ever coached were boys who did not know who their father was.
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Old 07-13-2014, 03:15 AM
 
Location: mainland but born oahu
6,657 posts, read 7,277,528 times
Reputation: 3135
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u View Post
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?

What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.

I cannot find any stats on this.

One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?

How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
Uhmmm whats a good father or man?

Is this truely disfunctional or uncomfortable, untraditional?

Just in my grandparents generation, it was common for women to be stay at home moms and man went out and was the bread earners. You can thank your bra burning sisters and others who now made it acceptable to change roles in the home etc and gave you the the right to be an astronaut if you want to.
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Old 07-13-2014, 05:16 AM
 
Location: FL
1,400 posts, read 1,470,118 times
Reputation: 2014
The child is better off with the lazy father in his life. Kids hold their parents to different standards than other adults and time spent with the child means everything to them.
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Old 07-13-2014, 05:20 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
10,995 posts, read 22,914,422 times
Reputation: 16162
Yep, sounds like the wife is frustrated but the kids are probably loving it.
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Old 07-13-2014, 05:23 AM
 
15,019 posts, read 20,391,680 times
Reputation: 12286
Is he not a stay at home dad? Someone has to watch the kids.
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