Mom doesn't want playdates anymore but my kid is heartbroken (girl, daughter)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would just ask her if something you or your son did caused her to stop the play dates. I'm not saying that is the case, but it shows that you are open to discussing your/your son's role, if any. Some people are worried about offending since a lot of folks don't handle criticism well, especially when it comes to their kids. Or maybe she just doesn't want to anymore, no particular reason, and doesn't know how to convey that without it seeming offensive.
This.
There's no reason you can't politely ask the mom if there's something you or your son has done that has caused her to want to end the playdates. Make sure to remain non-confrontational and be prepared for whatever answer she gives you - don't get defensive if she tells you it's you or your son. She has a right to her opinion even if you disagree. You can't FORCE someone to be friends.
If she shares her reasons, merely thank her for sharing the information, apologize for any misunderstanding, and move on.
If you go this route though, you CANNOT get upset if she shares with you her reasons. You HAVE to be open to what she shares, and use it as constructive criticism that helps you fix whatever the issue is.
I like to know the reason for everything I am connected to.
You don't just flip a coin and decide what to do next. There is ALWAYS a reason.
The "reason" may be none of your business so you're forcing the people to explain themselves or come up with a fake one.
The mother may be having marital problems, drinking, going through bankruptcy and depressed, foreclosure, or the son may have something going on that is not your concern. Maybe he just doesn't WANT to do what they've been doing all this time.
OR GASP yes it may be this woman's kid is no longer a "good fit".
My personality is to ask but the insistence that you DESERVE an explanation from the world about "why" is not realistic.
The ONLY person you can control in life is you.
The PROBLEM here is this mom is a new inexperienced mother who didn't foresee this happening. Those of us who have gone through the different life stages know what to expect. Just like everything to do with being a parent you don't know until you know.
It's NEVER healthy to only have ONE FRIEND/acquaintance and for some reason this mom thought it was. Which is another matter entirely and probably a personal thing. She even said she had more friends before and has been ignoring them and recently reconnected with the kid and it was good.
So the issue is actually RESOLVED. She's a quick study.
The "reason" may be none of your business so you're forcing the people to explain themselves or come up with a fake one.
The mother may be having marital problems, drinking, going through bankruptcy and depressed, foreclosure, or the son may have something going on that is not your concern. Maybe he just doesn't WANT to do what they've been doing all this time.
OR GASP yes it may be this woman's kid is no longer a "good fit".
My personality is to ask but the insistence that you DESERVE an explanation from the world about "why" is not realistic.
The ONLY person you can control in life is you.
The PROBLEM here is this mom is a new inexperienced mother who didn't foresee this happening. Those of us who have gone through the different life stages know what to expect. Just like everything to do with being a parent you don't know until you know.
It's NEVER healthy to only have ONE FRIEND/acquaintance and for some reason this mom thought it was. Which is another matter entirely and probably a personal thing. She even said she had more friends before and has been ignoring them and recently reconnected with the kid and it was good.
So the issue is actually RESOLVED. She's a quick study.
Everything is everyone's business. If the mother is having marital problems, then you have to say that or don't be mad if the other mom speculates on her own and spreads fake info.
EVERYTHING is your concern.
And you can control other people. Try calling her 20 times a day. She'll give you her reasons quickly.
Everything is everyone's business. If the mother is having marital problems, then you have to say that or don't be mad if the other mom speculates on her own and spreads fake info.
EVERYTHING is your concern.
And you can control other people. Try calling her 20 times a day. She'll give you her reasons quickly.
Oh good grief....don't you have a camp to attend? A summer reading list? A Facebook page or Twitter account? A deck of cards?
And you can control other people. Try calling her 20 times a day. She'll give you her reasons quickly.
Please list your real name, address, telephone number, social security number, all email addresses, mother's maiden name, name of first pet, favorite color, super-secret code name your friends call you and the name of the school you are currently attending.
Perhaps I'm just calloused (or just really socially inept), but isn't it a normal part of life for some friendships to just run their course? Sometimes a friendship isn't as deep as we thought it was, and we don't realize it until after we drift apart (or when one party drops that other without any explanation...) It's okay to mourn the end of a friendship, but it's also important to recognize when an attachment is borderline unhealthy, which is what I'd be concerned about if at 5 he isn't willing to forge some new friendships.
Yes, it is normal for friendships to run their course, but usually you have more of an inkling that it's happening. And as some on this thread have said, many adults have friends they were friends with since they were very young.
Yes, it is normal for friendships to run their course, but usually you have more of an inkling that it's happening. And as some on this thread have said, many adults have friends they were friends with since they were very young.
I realize that, but we can't expect all (or even most) friendships to last for decades. It's happened to me (recently, in fact) and it is especially difficult when kids are involved, but sometimes we don't realize how superficial a friendship is until it starts to fade. From my observation life-long friendships are usually the ones that develop organically, not those pre-arranged by the parents, and are the types of friendships where you don't have to be attached at the hip to be secure in the relationship. My husband has had the same best friend since he was 6, and they have withstood countless geographical separations, a couple of fights, and not catching up for months at a time.
You also have to keep in mind that before school-age, kids will play with just about anyone their age; they don't need anything in common besides being kids. But once they start to get to age 5 or 6 they start to be a little more selective; it could be that OP's friend's son has found other friends that he;d rather play with. Yeah, it's crappy that she hasn't spoken with the OP about whatever the issue is (if there even is one), but that's a sure sign that the friendship was never that strong to begin with.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 07-22-2014 at 08:17 AM..
Everything is everyone's business. If the mother is having marital problems, then you have to say that or don't be mad if the other mom speculates on her own and spreads fake info.
EVERYTHING is your concern.
And you can control other people. Try calling her 20 times a day. She'll give you her reasons quickly.
Seriously?
Do tell how you control other people. When I can get Congress to pass the laws I want; I'll know I've been successful.
Calling her 20 times per day will get you a harrassment charge and your kid made fun of. Solves nothing.
Sounds like playdate mom is subtly trying to move out of relationship with you both. I would be honest with son and let him know for right now, they would like to take a time out. In the meantime find some new activities for you both to explore together with other folks. Heartbreak sucks, but it's apart of life. Their lost, not yours. I think its a life lesson one will eventually have to learn anyway. Learning how to deal with the disappointing things in life is a life skill that not too many have mastered.
sometimes people need to move on, nothing anyone did actually, just maybe, way to much time spent together, or, perhaps it has nothing to do with the OP....perhaps something devestating happened in this woman's life and she just cannot deal with company any longer....
I would simply move on, as this will periodically happen during the course of life, and it doesn't mean you or your son did anything wrong, it just means, that it's time to move on....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
