Possible inappropriate touching in kindergarten (adopted, brothers, taught, trouble)

[hunterseat]

Originally Posted by Hopes

I'm glad there were no visible signs

I watched my child be examined by what amounts to a microscope to detect the tiniest of tears. Just saying, in case anyone has a similar even occur. Rape crisis centers (good ones) do a much better exam of victims. Human eye is not sufficient but I'm glad all went well.

[Molli]

Originally Posted by hunterseat

I watched my child be examined by what amounts to a microscope to detect the tiniest of tears. Just saying, in case anyone has a similar even occur. Rape crisis centers (good ones) do a much better exam of victims. Human eye is not sufficient but I'm glad all went well.

A LOT about this entire story doesn't make sense, including that several people who would be mandatory reporters under the law apparently haven't reported a thing. And there is a procedure that must be followed when abuse is alleged -- clearly that wasn't followed by this doctor.

[Spazkat9696]

Originally Posted by Molli

A LOT about this entire story doesn't make sense, including that several people who would be mandatory reporters under the law apparently haven't reported a thing. And there is a procedure that must be followed when abuse is alleged -- clearly that wasn't followed by this doctor.

You really don't know if it has been reported or not.

[Molli]

Originally Posted by Spazkat9696

You really don't know if it has been reported or not.

She already mentioned early on in the thread that the school authority figured told her she didn't even need to take her child to a doctor!!!! Do you think the school reported it when they are advising her not to take the kid to a doctor?

[ADVentive]

I asked the doctor about it being reported to CPS, since so many people here have mentioned that. He didn't think it would be reported unless I escalated it and asked for it to be reported. Though I guess I won't necessarily know if it has been reported until someone from CPS shows up at my door.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by creepy

Interesting too that you say she is unreliable because that is a way abusers can gaslight a child who is abused. The definition of gaslight is here.

Gaslighting in Domestic Abuse

While I've stated that I think it's a big mistake to discrediting her daughter by telling people she makes up stories, I don't think she's purposely gaslighting her daughter.

Originally Posted by hunterseat

I watched my child be examined by what amounts to a microscope to detect the tiniest of tears. Just saying, in case anyone has a similar even occur. Rape crisis centers (good ones) do a much better exam of victims. Human eye is not sufficient but I'm glad all went well.

Thanks for sharing. I've never been through it.

Originally Posted by ADVentive

I asked the doctor about it being reported to CPS, since so many people here have mentioned that. He didn't think it would be reported unless I escalated it and asked for it to be reported. Though I guess I won't necessarily know if it has been reported until someone from CPS shows up at my door.

You don't even need to ask if you want it reported because you could report it yourself. I'm not saying you should, but I'm pointing out how strange it is he sad that. His saying that means he's leaving it up to you. That's a very odd response because he's supposed to report this. It would have made more sense if he had said, "There's no reason to report this because there are no signs." But he didn't say that. According to the law, her saying it reason enough. He's cutting you slack. That could be a good thing (because a CPS investigation can backfire and become a nightmare for innocent people) or a bad thing (because something might have happened to your daughter). His response is very perplexing.

[ADVentive]

Originally Posted by Hopes

You don't even need to ask if you want it reported because you could report it yourself. I'm not saying you should, but I'm pointing out how strange it is he sad that. His saying that means he's leaving it up to you. That's a very odd response because he's supposed to report this. It would have made more sense if he had said, "There's no reason to report this because there are no signs." But he didn't say that. According to the law, her saying it reason enough. He's cutting you slack. That could be a good thing (because a CPS investigation can backfire and become a nightmare for innocent people) or a bad thing (because something might have happened to your daughter). It's very perplexing.

He said that he saw no signs, so he was not planning to report it himself. I was asking him about if the school would report it, and that was his answer that they probably wouldn't unless I escalated it.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by Molli

A LOT about this entire story doesn't make sense, including that several people who would be mandatory reporters under the law apparently haven't reported a thing. And there is a procedure that must be followed when abuse is alleged -- clearly that wasn't followed by this doctor.

Originally Posted by Spazkat9696

You really don't know if it has been reported or not.

I am a mandatory reporter and there have been several (actually, numerous) times that I reported an suspected incident to CPS and have not told the parent that I did that. There have been times that CPS and the police have investigated incidents by coming to the school and interviewing staff members but did not first go to interview the parent. In a few of the cases I am not even sure that the parents were ever notified.

And, yes, there have been incidents where, after a call to CPS was made, the police came and removed a child from school to go to a doctor and immediately put the child into foster care that same day until the investigation was completed and before the parents were even notified (as they suspected that the parent or a family member was an abuser).

If something like this had happened at my school, it is very likely that the classroom teacher, special education teacher and guidance counselor all made independent calls to CPS. Or, they may have a system where one key staff person, like the school social worker or principal called CPS (and possibly the police department). At least in the schools where I have taught we do not take allegations like this lightly. We would talk with the parent very calmly so they do not over-react or panic but even something rather unlikely (another child intimately touching a peer in the middle of class, on the rug in front of the entire class and teacher) would be reported and we would closely monitor both children for a substantial length of time.

I would bet that plans are currently in place that the OPs child and the peer are never left alone, either together or separately. Changes such as always having an adult walk the OPs child to other places in school or even having the girl use an adult bathroom or the bathroom in the nurse's office so there is no chance that she is ever along with a peer (even while using the toilet). Or not allowing either child to go into the hallway by themselves to get something out of their backpack. Sometimes parents are notified of these measures and sometimes they are not notified.

Sometimes, it is done so subtly that the child may not even realize the difference. Perhaps, now the speech therapist walks her back to the classroom door rather than having her walk back to her classroom by herself or she is "special line leader" and walks right next to the teacher when they walk to art class or gym class. Or the music teacher switches her seat so that she now sits in the front row right next to the teacher. Or there are new classroom rules that no one can go out into the hallway during class time or leave the room to get a drink of water at the fountain.

Every situation is different but IMHO calls were made to CPS by the mandatory reporters.

PS. Since calls to CPS, at least in my state, are anonymous the teachers, staff members and doctor may not be open about saying that they called.

I had one family where I called CPS several times about possible abuse of a child in my classroom. Frankly, I was afraid of retaliation (especially after the dad jumped up and tried to attack me / hit me at an IEP meeting) and at least once I actually denied that I had called CPS (about a specific bruise) when confronted by that angry father. I normally do not lie, but in that situation, frankly I was afraid to tell the truth. BTW, the child was removed from the home.

We do not know anything about the boy, or his family, that the OPs daughter said did this. His name, would obviously have been given to CPS as well.

[njmom66]

Originally Posted by ADVentive

He said that he saw no signs, so he was not planning to report it himself. I was asking him about if the school would report it, and that was his answer that they probably wouldn't unless I escalated it.

I'm not sure if that is a state thing, but I'm in NJ and I know for a fact it is the law for the teacher/counselor to report it. They do NOT wait for the parents input. A classmate of my child went through all of this.

Oops, just realized that Germaine said the same exact thing, but with more detail.

[Molli]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Every situation is different but IMHO calls were made to CPS by the mandatory reporters.

I hope you are right for a couple of reasons. If the school is not protecting these children and if no reports are being made, then CPS and the police will have never heard about past incidents that were never reported -- should something happen to a child at this school.

Also, and the OP is not going to want to hear this -- but if her child is making this up, it would be nice to have a record of this in the event the child tells similar stories in the future. This will help protect other parents and their children should fingers be pointed at other children if the accusations are nothing more than a story.