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How did you or other people you know decide whether to have children or not? I understand some people who desire it their whole lives--or really can't wait to be a family with children--but are there any of you "on the fence" people out there that decided to do it--and why?
I am 31 and my husband is 39--we have been married 8 years--we were both on the 'no' side of the fence but have started thinking a little bit about it--at least the possibility of it. I still don't feel any desire in my heart for it--but I realize that I need to be sure my 98% no children is 100% in the next few years--if that makes sense.
I know someone who did about a year of therapy in order to decide. She was in your place, really didn't want them. But didn't want to regret her decision. She did decide to have a baby and she seems glad about it. She isn't the natural "mom type" and is very realistic about how hard mommahood is.
that is interesting eyeye
It's not a decision to take lightly--but when you don't really have any pros or cons to either or it balances out (as many pros or cons) and have no strong feelings one way or the other it becomes harder.
For instance if I found out I couldn't have children--I wouldn't shed any tears--but at the same time I don't want to be 40 and thinking "crap I really missed out on something I now wish I would have done"
That was her. She ended up having two. Its easy to tell she is glad to be a mom, but she isn't someone who pretends its all sunshine and roses.
I wanted to be a mom since I was 3 years old. I have two step kids and 2 adopted kids. Also had a goos amount foster kids. I decided I was done but I often have this strong drive to adopt again. My husband is a big part in that not happening. He is done, done.
I have Aunts that have had children in their 50s...not that I would advise to start a family that late...but it can be done. There are a ton of other things to consider than just "do I have a child" of course. There is the financial obligations, saving for college, wedding, etc. Then there is the change in your lifestyle...either good or bad. My wife and I were of the "oops" variety when our son came along but we wouldn't have our lives any other way.
When you get married...you are partnering with another person to build a life together. When you have kids...they always come first and you have a part of your heart and soul out there in the world. No one can make this decision for you but if you have the slightest of selfish tendencies...don't have kids. My Sister and Brother-in-Law made that decision when they were first married and are more than content to be the "Cool" Aunt and Uncle that our kids can hang out with.
If you think you're going to regret not having children one day, then you probably are just not ready at 31.
If you think that if you found out that you cannot get pregnant, don't assume that you won't care. Pregnancy and motherhood are not synonymous. Yes, pregnancy can lead to motherhood, but it can also not lead to motherhood.
Most people who truly don't want kids don't worry about having any regrets. It seems to me that you're just unsure.
Last edited by Jaded; 08-12-2014 at 06:40 PM..
Reason: fixed word
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