Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 08-15-2014, 07:06 AM
 
2,441 posts, read 2,595,462 times
Reputation: 4644

Advertisements

Your reading comprehension could use some work.

No one in that thread was saying you need to have "five star" clothes. They were saying that everything pales beside the cost of childcare, and even then the cheapest childcare can have really damaging effects on a child, like five babies to a carer, or a carer who heads to Target while the babies are home alone.

The basic skills of learning to respond to another person, attach, talk, receive adequate and nutritous nourishment, be changed frequently, etc are what everyone was telling you is at risk with bad childcare situations. Quality child care (this doesn't mean having pony rides on Tuesdays, it means the basics as outlined above) matters so much that it's one of the few things the government will fund for poor people.

 
Old 08-15-2014, 07:14 AM
 
Location: My House
34,937 posts, read 36,126,103 times
Reputation: 26547
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I really don't understand the tone of your post since you're basically saying you agree with the OP: Providing an average lifestyle is acceptable, and it doesn't equate to a bad parent.
I didn't see anything wrong with the "tone" of the post. Is "inquisitive" a bad tone to have?

It was a valid question.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
 
Old 08-15-2014, 07:39 AM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,663,609 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by eddiehaskell View Post
Another thread I made about how raising a child doesn't have to be terribly expensive drew a lot of criticism.

It seems that some people hold the opinion that being content with what you've provided your child (unless it's the best) is a disservice to that child. They feel that a parent should constantly strive to provide better, better, better for the child. This could be in the form of better schools, better neighborhoods, better city, a slew of extracurricular activities, the best ranked childcare providers, the best foods, clothing, medical care, etc, etc.

My question is - is it OK to be content with what you've provided for child? For example:

- child attends an average public in the state (a mix of poor, working class and middle class families)
- family lives in an average (or even below average) home in a working class/average neighborhood/city (not dangerous, but not the safest)
- child wears relatively modest clothing (perhaps even some hand-me-downs)
- child receives 2 or 3 star childcare instead of 5 star
- child doesn't have access to all extracurricular activities/tutoring and parents probably can't afford to pay for all college expenses

Is it somehow morally wrong for this parent to be satisfied with what they've provided (i.e. calling it good enough and enjoying life) or should they constantly strive/work hard/stress to provide their child with something better?

Where do you draw the line between fanatical and satisfied?
It's isn't a function of the actual item it's a function of whether or not you can say to yourself "I have done the best I can for my children". If circumstances make the best you can provide, the above, than yes you should be satisfied.

But if the best you COULD provide was much more, but only gave the minimum than no, morally you should not be satisfied with how you provided for your children.
 
Old 08-15-2014, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,390 posts, read 11,563,143 times
Reputation: 7544
As I parent with parents for friend I find that most parents try to do their best but for reasons which differ from "all you can eat" parenting or spoiling. Most parents will try to get the best education and healthcare in fear their child as an adult might lack these basic things if they don't keep it up.
In America you pay special attention to your child doing well enough to afford well being. We are not use to securities without paying the price.
So, yes, the best education we can muster, and the best area we can afford give parents the feeling that their kids will be able to afford well being as adults. This might not be true in the end but I think this is why parents seek the "best" they can do. It's a very American mind set. We want our kids to have the opportunity at the American dream.....
Note: I said the best they CAN DO. Not the best of the best.

I also have a few close friends from other countries and there is a real difference in mind set when raising your kids in Germany for instance. The necessities are covered there and my friends don't worry so much about these issues. It's a different mentality altogether.
 
Old 08-15-2014, 08:04 AM
 
6,293 posts, read 10,554,423 times
Reputation: 7505
There is nothing wrong with average, but there is also nothing wrong with wanting more for your child either. If your child is in a 2-3 star day care as you say in your example why would you not want to bump that to a 3-4 star? Given the impact early childhood education has on a child future wouldn't you want the best? As for the clothing I'm not one to dwell on that but when it comes to education I always strive to provide the best.
 
Old 08-15-2014, 08:12 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,075,868 times
Reputation: 32726
Your post in the economics thread drew criticism because you used your own very narrow experience as examples and refused to accept anyone else's. You refused to acknowledge that raising kids costs far more than the tax credit you get.

It had nothing to do with providing the bare minimum vs top of the line. You live in an economically depressed area. The prices you quoted are simply not available in other locations.
 
Old 08-15-2014, 08:45 AM
 
10,599 posts, read 17,828,234 times
Reputation: 17352
Average is good. Some silly people want to be Kim Kardiashian.

I don't know what 2 star daycare means, though. Unless you mean "fancy" versus "safe but not fancy".

I would NEVER jeopardize a baby in a high risk day care situation but I realize it's difficult to know what to do if you have a child and cannot afford to work AND have a safe situation.

That's a riddle with no obvious solution for every person.
 
Old 08-15-2014, 09:10 AM
 
371 posts, read 553,398 times
Reputation: 417
A 2 or 3 star rated center typically would have a higher than recommended ratio of children to teachers, teachers who lack proper training, and limited evidence of a developmentally-appropriate curriculum. The kids are likely to start kindergarten behind other kids.
 
Old 08-15-2014, 09:54 AM
 
1,166 posts, read 1,374,818 times
Reputation: 2181
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
I was a participant in the other thread and I'd say that the op has gotten the wrong impression of what parents were trying to convey to him in that thread, which was not that that parents need to provide the best of the best of everything for their kids but rather, parenting is not cheap. I think everything on the op's list is just fine for a family. Most good parents will do the best they can for their kids with the resources that are available to them. I know kids who have much more then what is on the list and I know kids who have much less. Most fall somewhere in the middle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildColonialGirl View Post
Your reading comprehension could use some work.

No one in that thread was saying you need to have "five star" clothes. They were saying that everything pales beside the cost of childcare, and even then the cheapest childcare can have really damaging effects on a child, like five babies to a carer, or a carer who heads to Target while the babies are home alone.

The basic skills of learning to respond to another person, attach, talk, receive adequate and nutritous nourishment, be changed frequently, etc are what everyone was telling you is at risk with bad childcare situations. Quality child care (this doesn't mean having pony rides on Tuesdays, it means the basics as outlined above) matters so much that it's one of the few things the government will fund for poor people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Your post in the economics thread drew criticism because you used your own very narrow experience as examples and refused to accept anyone else's. You refused to acknowledge that raising kids costs far more than the tax credit you get.

It had nothing to do with providing the bare minimum vs top of the line. You live in an economically depressed area. The prices you quoted are simply not available in other locations.
I was going to say pretty much what others have already said about the other thread.

The OP has continually misconstrued and failed to comprehend what others have said in the prior thread, and seems completely unwilling to accept that cost of living varies drastically across this massive nation (and planet, for that matter), and that moving into his neighborhood, along with their entire extended families, and using his google searched solutions is not a viable option for people to manage their family, financially or otherwise.

What is average in one area is not average in another, and most people are fine with "average." Just because average in my area equates to $8-10+k in annual child care costs, and 8-9 Greatschools rated public schools (with expensive private schools or charter schools being in the upper echelon), and average home prices are in excess of $300k with high property taxes, etc. that doesn't mean I am unwilling to accept "average," because your standard for average is a $3k a year childcare solution, 4-5 Greatschools ranked public schools, median housing prices of $120k with low low property taxes etc.

Perspective.
 
Old 08-15-2014, 10:04 AM
 
4,749 posts, read 4,307,568 times
Reputation: 4965
You shouldn't worry about. Your child's happiness is WAY more important. Show your children that you love them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top