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That's not a neighbor problem. That's a problem between you and your children. I'd instruct them to stop taking food from your house. If they do it, ground them.
It seems you're most concerned about a rift being formed between you and the head of household. I'd just go talk to her. Tell her that it has gotten out of hand. She'll probably understand because she knows they are a handful. Let her you wanted to give her heads up because it's no reflection on how you feel about her.
That's a good point. At the time I saw it as my fault since I had not told my children part of the reason I was telling them all to stay outside was so they could stop eating all the food LOL, but they really know better than to do things like that without asking.
Talking to the head of household is a good idea. I really like her and I do want to protect my relationship with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
Tina, I would say the only way to deal with this issue is to not allow them over and if you choose to answer the door one time and tell them the children are not available to play.
If they ring the bell again do not answer the door, do not give them the inch to begin with. You are in control of this situation until the moment you cross your own boundary line and give in to them. At that moment they gain control and keep pulling that rope to gain even more.
Draw your line on the porch and do not cross it, hades if you have to get a piece of neon green florescent tape to literally
"draw your line" at the door.
Yep. You are right. They can no longer get an inch. I will answer the door the first time and tell them I will not answer again, tell them to have their mom call me if its an emergency. Then I'll let them knock to their little hearts' content until they go away. I'll just give the mom a heads up in advance.
Of course the youngest one will break something on my porch in a rage, or key my car (he did that to a neighbor) but I'll deal with that when it happens. LOL
What arrangement would you feel comfortable with? Let's say you don't mind if they come over and play for an hour. When that hour is up you need to firmly tell them it's time to go and don't take any excuses. You're the adult. You're the one who pays the bills in your home, not these kids. Don't feel bad about it either. If you don't nip it in the bud it will get really out of hand.
I would host playdates when you feel like it, but send them home when you're done. It really is not your problem, and there are those parents who will take advantage of the kindness of others. Next thing you'll be adding 2 more kids to your household. Why would they feed their kids if you're doing it for them? Why would they watch out for their kids if you're doing it for them? They need to pony up to their own responsibilities.
This is exactly how my husband feels. Those kids will come here are play all day, and we will feed them multiple meals and snacks, and no one will come looking for them and no one offers to take the crew to the park to get them off our hands or anything. The mom doesn't offer to feed all 4 of them even sometimes and our kids never get invited to their house (that part I'm grateful for honestly). We're just being used. We might get a thank you sometimes.
Knowing what's going on over there I've been cutting them some slack on that part (plus knowing that's not the kids' fault) since I know the amount of stress everyone is under, but I've pretty much hit my limit. My husband feels we are making it so she doesn't have to parent her own kids on the weekends (sometimes after school). All she has to do is push them out the door in the morning and deal with them when they come back at night. Even when I won't let them in they still spend all day hanging out on our porch knocking on our door. When my kids are inside I will look out and they will be in our yard playing, sometimes using my kids toys if they left any outside. They are like parasites. They just won't leave.
The only thing left to do is just be outright cold to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeantownGirl19
What arrangement would you feel comfortable with? Let's say you don't mind if they come over and play for an hour. When that hour is up you need to firmly tell them it's time to go and don't take any excuses. You're the adult. You're the one who pays the bills in your home, not these kids. Don't feel bad about it either. If you don't nip it in the bud it will get really out of hand.
I was doing that. That's when they start stalking my front door and yard. LOL.
My problem is I was trying to avoid being mean to these kids, but a "It's time to go home now, honey" or a "They are not coming outside any more today, please stop knocking on my door" doesn't quite work. They do what I am asking, think up a new angle and come right back trying to talk me into it a few minutes later. When that doesn't work, they start trying to talk my kids into getting around the rules. Then when/if my kids say no, the youngest gets mad and throws a tantrum and calls them names.
Tinawina, in my experience dealing with trashy people, the one thing I've learned is they have no boundaries or self-awareness. The mother probably doesn't even realize that her children are being tacky and inappropriate.
If you're feeling guilty, think of it this way: If this woman's children are playing in your yard and they get injured, guess who gets sued? It doesn't matter that they didn't have your permission, you're still liable. I think you're just going to have to bite the bullet and talk with your neighbor.
As annoying as it is to have the kids constantly at your house, how sad they are avoiding their own to such an extent. You can't help but wonder what is going on at their home. And why they are so hungry. I'd have a talk with the mother and see if there was something I could do to help (other than taking full responsibility for her children, which seems to have happened). Something isn't right.
I've done all of those. The problem with these 2 is they don't have boundaries, and whatever rule I make up they will just keep trying to manipulate for more. They just keep coming back to the door with reasons and excuses and "just a small question" or whatever. And if you give them an inch, they take 17,000 miles. If I tell them stay in one room, they work to come up with reasons why they should go to another room, or they find way to get my kids to go to the places they are not allowed and get things for them (they once talked my son into going into the basement to try to bring up a computer. Luckily I caught him). Plus the youngest one is like a preschooler developmentally, he just can't process that no means no, and he is known to get very angry when I keep telling him no. It's a mess. This has been going on for months, that's why I'm at the point of just giving up all together.
I agree with the above poster that said you should be more worried about what they are teaching your kids. You need to cut bait here. Next time they knock on the door, tell them to go home and don't come back, they are not allowed to play with your children. Then stop answering the door.
I think you are bending over backwards trying to convince yourself that these are nice people. How much stress would you have to be under to not feed your children, or know if they are being fed? I think when you put your foot down the parents aren't going to bother trying to appear "nice" anymore. When they aren't getting anything out of you I think you'll see a different side of them and I don't think there is going to be anything nice about it.
Yes , I agree I think it is high time that you talked to these kids mother and or father whoever is the parent , and yes you will get sued if they get injured while they are on your property . I had a neighbor that called me white trash(while talking to her son ) when I was living in a mobile home owned by my mother !! it was not a trailer park but a mobile home on an acre of land I don't know where she got off calling me white trash when she did not own her own home , and she tried to sue my mother when her son got stabbed by a branch on a tree we told him numerous times to get out of the tree . Yes talk to your neighbors before it becomes a war on the block and yes put your foot down with your kids and tell your kids you cannot afford to feed the neighborhood .end of story . I wish you luck I know this is not easy.
I agree with the above poster that said you should be more worried about what they are teaching your kids. You need to cut bait here. Next time they knock on the door, tell them to go home and don't come back, they are not allowed to play with your children. Then stop answering the door.
I think if she does this ^^^^ these kids will resort to start throwing toilet paper in your trees , egging your door doing nasty things to your car and they will not think twice about it . This happened in our neighborhood several time when folks started putting their foot down with neighbors kids . I think the best thing she can do is talk to the parent or whoever is in charge of these kids .
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