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Someone quoted his sex ed teacher in college how "puberty is when sweet girls turn into *******". Many would agree with the saying that you don't want a teenager in the house.
I may not have said it enough, but even though I played the video games, toys, consumed the food, and other things my dad paid for, I was always forever grateful for all he provided for me and my sister. I'm a guy, but even then, I don't think I was that bad. The worse if it was my grades really could've been better.
With your daughter, don't try to force your will or time on her, but do carve out moments to try to do stuff together.
Sorry I can't help more than that. All of my knowledge comes from what I've read and heard. I have no kids of my own.
I hate to be the debbie downer of the day, but my teenage daughter, whom we love so much, simply doesn't bring me the joy I used to have from her.
I guess it's the attitude we get from this child, but all i see her as anymore is a money drain. The only time she speaks to us is when she needs something. Won't even sit in the room with us.
I told my wife this morning that i just don't see her as anything but a financial liability now.
My attitude sucks too, it seems.
Teenagers aren't joyful, get a dog. This too shall pass.
The purpose of children is not "to give you joy" geesh. The teenage years are hard, yes, but if she won't even be in the same room with you perhaps you should re-examine your attitude and how you treat her to find out why she doesn't want to be in your presence. I say this as a former awful teenage girl, and the parent of a teenager and a 21 yo.
If you only had children to give you joy, then you had kids for the wrong reasons.
One of my favorite quotes, unfortunately I'm not sure who actually said it, so I can't credit the author.
"Children need love, especially when they least deserve it".
Teenagers, especially girl's, are rough. But a healthy relationship with their Dad is SO very important! Remember, you're setting the bar for any man that will come into her life, show her how she deserves to be treated...with respect, and kindness. That may mean you need to leave a room before saying something that could damage her self-esteem, or bite your tongue until it bleeds. She's pushing buttons trying to get a rise out of you, don't play that game!
As Gallit has said above, it's on you. Unfortunately it's too late for the OP to get a do-over but for others just starting out, remember, you start to build the mold the day the kid is born. It is not cruel and unusual punishment to teach a kid the meaning of the word "no" at an early age - it may be the most important thing they learn in life. Other key words are "please" and "thank you" and no one over six months shouldn't get that lesson daily until they use them as second nature.
Chores as basic as tucking one's pajamas under their pillow in the morning teach responsibility. It will actually be a tiny bit more work than doing it yourself, but will create a lifestyle of understanding there are no free rides. Actions have consequences for all of us - why not teach that every day? Don't threaten punishments if you're not prepared to carry them out; no kid ever was traumatized by going to bed without dessert but by 18 months they're prepared to make you think they are.
Have fun with your kid every day and show them something new. Let them surprise you with their thoughts and discoveries - be amused and entertained, this is a two way street.
After fifteen years, they'll still revolt (and be revolting) but that too will pass and eventually you'll see them raise their own kids...and wonder how they could forget everything you taught them.
Yeah, I know I'm pretty much the darkest-hearted human that has ever walked earth. I mean, I'm just to the right of Attilla the Hun.
I just sick of the puffed up, huffy attitude. Her mom and I were attending her band events at high school, until the last time we came, and she wouldn't even make eye contact with us. WTF-ever. So...I'm like, she can figure it out on her own.
Maybe she was just nervous about her performance that night and didn't want to make eye contact with you to add more pressure?
I hope you're not making this topic on 1 incident.
Try taking her out to lunch at a place of her choice - just the two of you. Talk about whatever comes up, and avoid being judgmental. Ask her about her goals - does she plan to continue with music into college? What does she want for herself as an adult? What careers interest her? If she could travel anywhere in the world, where would she go? Get to know her better. A few reminisces about your own teenage years are okay, but don't overdo it - that will seem like the Stone Age to her.
And be patient. The snarky attitude will pass, as will the notion that parents are embarrassing (probably why she avoided eye contact at the concert). Give her a fairly slack rein - but be prepared to pull it in when need be.
Compliment her when you honestly can - on whatever deserves praise. Look for her strong points, and focus on those. Also, try to get to know her friends. Be the cool dad - which is not the same as the indulgent dad. Keep on attending her concerts and any other events that involve her, and keep on telling her how proud you are of her accomplishments, even if it seems to embarrass her (you don't have to compliment her in front of her friends - this can be s-o-o-o embarrassing and will likely result in eye-rolling). Keep the praise private - but make sure it's there.
Hang in there...things will get better, but you're going to need patience along with your sense of humor and proportion.
I don't think the reminisces can really be overdone. The world wasn't that different 30-40 years ago.
But I don't think you can go to an event and then pretend not to be proud of her.
If she thinks it's embarrassing, it's going to be embarrassing either way.
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