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Yes you are still missing the point. Of course teaching a child to be patient is a good thing but telling a child 'You have been bad but I'm not going to spank you now. Go on and finish your supper and get your bath and get ready for bed and at 8:30 your father will come in and spank you". Sometimes it was even an all day wait for that spanking. No wonder I had stomach issues my whole life till i was finally able to get out of that home.
I remember one particularly horrible birthday- probably around 6 when I misbehaved and was told I would get my spanking before bed. We had a little family celebration and at bedtime my father pretended to be asleep on the sofa. My mother told me I had to wake him up to remind him I was ready for my spanking. I went over to him and gently shook his shoulder but he still pretended to be asleep. My mother jerked up, grabbed his arm and screamed "John...get up and give her the spanking so she can go to bed". I'm 68 years old and I still cry at the memory of that. That is no way to treat a child.
My mother hit me constantly until I put a stop to it in my teens. She believed she had a right to do this and that this was an effective way to influence my behavior.
My father never hit me.
As soon as I got out of arms' reach of my mother, I did whatever I darn well pleased.
However, there were all sorts of things I never did, even when I lived halfway across the country, because I knew it would disappoint my dad if he ever found out.
Who knew that loving and talking with your child would be a more effective behavior management strategy than hitting them?
My mother was very violent, and when I was 16 she hit me just because she was mad at my father, and I hit her back! Of course the SHTF, but she never did hit me again.
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Originally Posted by Jaded
The advice I feel is the worst so far is to feed her everytime she cries! NOT. . What's with that? Also, babies don't need to be wrapped in a blanket in a full sleeper with socks when it's 95+ degrees outside and 80+ degrees inside!
Oh, this is so true! It also makes me remember that my MIL was forever trying to get me to dress up my daughter in cute dresses, which to me were completely impractical once she started to crawl. She lived in onesies, so she could get around in comfort, and not hurt her knees. I figured that was more important. Drove my evil MIL nuts. Which made me very happy.
My grandmother told me to make formula out of evaporated milk and corn syrup. It's just as good as that expensive pre-made stuff.
I still have the recipe in my baby book for the formula I was given, which included evaporated milk. I think breast feeding was out of favor in the late 1940's. It was still not encouraged in the late 60s when my first child was born. I did not breast feed any of my kids until the 1980s when my last one was born.
I wish I had nursed all of them, despite the lack of encouragement at that time.
Worst advice we ever got was that we needed to "teach" our kids to be independent. We kept them with us a babies, didn't have them in daycare as they got older, etc. We were warned that they would not grow up to be independent.
Ha!
Our kids travel and live all over the world. One lived in Africa for a time. (Scared me half to death.) Another one is heading for Europe in a few months. They all come home for a week over the holidays and week in the summer, otherwise they are all over the place.
You are so right. We agree that a child who is raised knowing they are surrounded by their parent's help, structure, and support, are the ones who are confident they can go out in the world and do anything.
LOL. Totally agree. The first time my oldest sister met her niece she'd just had her first set of vaccines. She was cranky of course. My sis began to swaddle her. I told her politely that she didn't like being swaddled. But no, I was wrong according to her!! It was the technique that made the difference...Really?? You've known her for 10 minutes and yet you're already an expert on her likes and dislikes! Needless to say the night did not end well as my husband finally stepped in and told her to please put our child down. Her feelings could have been spared had she not insisted she knew our daughter's likes better than us after only knowing her for 10 min.
I don't get the obsession with swaddling either. I don't think babies really like it as much as that some babies are just more complacent than others. My youngest was very quirky as a baby and toddler, not at all like her older brother. I really had to think outside the box to keep her happy and content, and the commentary was non-stop. She hated strollers, blankets, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded
Also, babies don't need to be wrapped in a blanket in a full sleeper with socks when it's 95+ degrees outside and 80+ degrees inside!
I can't tell you how many times people seek medical attention for a baby who is boiling hot with a red face, and their only problem is they are waaaay overdressed. It's very common.
It wasn't really parenting advice, but my mom actually yelled at me when I told her I was going to have a 'natural childbirth'.. no drugs, no epidural, nothing.
Her response... But, but, but.. that's not natural!
My mom worked at my brothers school for a few years in the cafeteria.
When he came through line he ALWAYS bought "extra" food. I put extra in quotes because lunch at his school was a pathetic slice of cheese pizza and two small sides, wasn't even enough for me to get full off of. He'd get like two slices of pizza or two of whatever the entree was that day and extra sides.
One of her coworkers told her one day she shouldn't let him eat so much, that he was going to get fat and be one of those obese kids. My brother was outside everyday playing hockey, played rec hockey, was always always active. So the measly lunch they served left him still hungry afterwards. He never has been overweight or close to it. He still can eat and eat and he just doesn't put on weight.
Most importantly anyone with half a brain can look at those school lunches and see that they won't fill a student up and well they're nasty.
It wasn't really parenting advice, but my mom actually yelled at me when I told her I was going to have a 'natural childbirth'.. no drugs, no epidural, nothing.
Her response... But, but, but.. that's not natural!
Some women can't wrap their minds about not using an epidural.
Like me, if I am going to stretch something that small that wide and shove something that big out of it and possible "rip" down there I don't want to feel a bit of it. Childbirth scares me a lot.
"If you don't let her cry it out to sleep she would never learn about setting boundaries". Turns out that bed-sharing was right for us and she is a super sweet well behaved child.
1) "Let them nurse as long as they want to. You will make the child neurotic if you wean them"
From a woman still nursing her 6 year old, who had no compunction about walking up to strange women and grabbing a breast any time he felt a bit peckish.
2) "Don't let him have a cup or give him solid food until he drinks a full 8 oz of formula at one sitting."
The kid NEVER drank a full 8 oz bottle. EVER. I finally taught him to drink from a cup and had him on solid food the week my ex was out of town on a business trip - this was advice from some co-worker of his, it wasn't my idea. I forget how old my son was, but it was past the time I'd have taken care of this without interference from my ex. I got tired of arguing with him so I just took care of it while he was gone.
Then when he came home from the conference, he had gotten an earful from colleagues who were telling him the OPPOSITE, and demanded to know why I hadn't taught kidlet to drink from a cup and why didn't I have him on solid food - at which point I just pointed him toward the high-chair, where said kidlet was eating cereal from a bowl and drinking his juice from a sippy cup.
3) "NEVER apologize to a child or admit that you were wrong!"
I taught my son that no one was allowed to call him names, not even me. One day I unthinkingly called him "dummy" and he (very rightly) told me I was not allowed to call him that. He was maybe 4 or 5 at the time. I promptly apologized and told him he was right and spoke to him more respectfully. I have never had any problem apologizing to my son when I was wrong, even - perhaps especially - when he was very small, when it was warranted. Other parents who heard me do this were appalled - "How can he have any respect for you if you apologize or admit you're wrong?"
My question is - how can he have any respect for me if I REFUSE an apology and refuse to admit when I have been wrong? Who can respect anyone who behaves that way?
4) "The only way to truly control your child is to spank. If you don't spank, your child will grow up to be greedy and self-centered and out of control".
If my son was misbehaving, and wouldn't stop, or started yelling and screaming, I would tell him to go to his room and stay there until he was ready to control himself. There was no set time he had to be in there. He could walk in and turn around and walk right back out if that's all it took. As long as he was in control and not having a fit when he came out, we were good to go and could talk about and resolve whatever it was he was upset about. Totally up to him when he was ready to come out. He could stay in there for a few seconds, a few moments, or a few hours - his decision. It rarely took more than a few minutes for him to decide to drop the temper tantrum and come out.
Its not a parent's job to control their child. It is a parent's job to teach the child how to control HIMSELF. When that is necessary, what the accepted ways to behave are and are not, and that it is never ok to take your anger out on someone else. Say, by calling them names, or hitting them.
5) "Your son is what - 12 now? He seems pretty well-behaved - you can leave him alone at home more often and spend more time at work."
Yeah. Not doing that (didn't do that). I was a programmer and I never worked more than limited overtime. I made that clear every time I switched jobs. It still came as a surprise to them every time I put my foot down.
This "advice", btw, came from a woman who had 3 grown children. One was a drunk. One was a drug addict. And one was leeching of her grandmother. My son WAS well-behaved. He was responsible and level-headed - for his age. That fact was precisely because I did NOT leave him alone without guidance or help.
You don't abandon a child to the uncertain influence of their equally at-risk peers. And if you do - then don't come crying to me later about your 3 children who you worked so hard to support (but were never there for) but who now have no respect for you or themselves and are pouring their lives down the toilet. I feel sorry for their childhoods - not so much you.
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. What's with that? Also, babies don't need to be wrapped in a blanket in a full sleeper with socks when it's 95+ degrees outside and 80+ degrees inside!
