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Some parents who are single parents have no choice but to take their children with them to the grocery or everywhere if they have no one they can trust to keep their child for a couple hours while necessary errands are completed.
That still does not negate the fact that some parents to do teach their children how to behave, manners, etc.
Teaching kids manners does not mean they will not still have an occasional melt down or tantrum in a store.
Here's an example of a situation where the OP probably would have been extremely annoyed.
I was getting my car maintenanced the other day. I left my two older kids at home with their father, but had to bring the toddler with me. I was told it would take 1-2 hours. I figured that wasn't so bad, so I packed snacks, amusements, books, a change of clothes... etc. This was at a mall, btw, so there was plenty to see and do. Long story short... Kiddo behaved very well for the first four hours. (Yes, FOUR.) Smiling, cooperative, etc. For some reason, at 1 pm, my car was still floating in the sky with no wheels on it. Mechanic said it should be ready "any minute now". (Which would end up meaning two more hours.) Toddler is very tired, starts wailing. (She only naps in her carseat or at home.) I take her out of her stroller, she starts a full meltdown, completely upset that I won't let her run around. I notice we're disturbing people so I go pace outside.
It was cold - at some point that morning, the weather had turned and dropped a good 10-15 degrees, and it was now quite windy. Nevertheless, I alternated for the next hour pacing around inside and outside, kiddo screaming, flailing, hitting at everything in fist-range (which included me, yay). I tried everything, I really did. Offered more snacks, tried to go see the Christmas trees, just everything. I'm not a newbie mother or anything, but there was nothing that helped. I would have loved to go home, but I was trapped.
So, about five hours after I initially got to there, so five hours of walking around pretty much nonstop, I was exhausted and took her to the waiting area, which was kind of dark. I was hoping maybe I could get her to just relax there. The one lady there - who had just arrived for a quick oil change -- sighed and pulled a face at my daughter. I could pretty much see OP's post written on her face. I didn't feel comfortable enough to stay there, so I went outside to pace in the cold again.
Finally, about six hours after we arrived, we got to leave, and they didn't even finish the work, so now I have to go back next week. While said devil child (who is actually very sweet 99% of the time) is in daycare, when I'm supposed to be, you know, working. But it's OK, I'd rather take time off work than to repeat this last event.
So, there, I said it. I couldn't "control" my child. In public. Believe me, it was tons of fun for me too!
Zenapple... I don't think you're at all what people are talking about here. Obviously you made every attempt to calm your child. If you gave up after 4 hours and just sat there with a magazine letting your kids scream, then people would have a reason to get annoyed at you.
Of course there are some people in the world who never want to see or hear a peep out of any child ever. I don't see any of them in this thread.
When I read these kinds of threads and people tell stories about their child screaming for hours inconsolably or some such, I figure I must be incredibly lucky to have children who could be soothed to sleep or comforted anywhere. Raising my boys to be well-mannered, considerate, unselfish young men just wasn't that hard.
If you know that fireworks would terrorize your child why on earth would you take them, not leave and then be upset that her screaming bothers those around you and you are getting dirty looks? Why ruin my experience because your kid can't handle it?
Sensory issues or just fear, it does not matter, the child is in a situation that they cannot handle, the reason is not relevant, IMO the parent needs to remove the child from the situation. Its not always convenient but some of the toughest aspects of parenting are making decisions that may not be convenient for us but are in the best interest of the child as well as others around you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by peep531
It seems rather cruel to put your child in situations that disturb her to the point of screaming her head off. Any child with special needs should be protected from environments that are detrimental to their particular conditions.
Well i guess I better go get some parenting classes then. I need to learn from both of you how to never disturb anyone in public and how to have perfect kids.
Either that or i need the address to my parental jail so i lock myself and my kids up until you feel we are ready to behave.
When I read these kinds of threads and people tell stories about their child screaming for hours inconsolably or some such, I figure I must be incredibly lucky to have children who could be soothed to sleep or comforted anywhere. Raising my boys to be well-mannered, considerate, unselfish young men just wasn't that hard.
My oldest was an extremely difficult baby, pretty darn difficult toddler, and is now a super well-mannered, considerate, cheerful, bright 7 year old. Still super talkative though.
My middle child was a very mellow baby, very mellow toddler, and is also a very wonderful, cheerful, enthusiastic little girl.
My last - pretty mellow as a baby, but hoooooooooly... she is a nut as a toddler. A beautiful, lovely little nut. When she's happy, she's ecstatic. When she's unhappy...
Zenapple... I don't think you're at all what people are talking about here. Obviously you made every attempt to calm your child. If you gave up after 4 hours and just sat there with a magazine letting your kids scream, then people would have a reason to get annoyed at you.
Of course there are some people in the world who never want to see or hear a peep out of any child ever. I don't see any of them in this thread.
When I read these kinds of threads and people tell stories about their child screaming for hours inconsolably or some such, I figure I must be incredibly lucky to have children who could be soothed to sleep or comforted anywhere. Raising my boys to be well-mannered, considerate, unselfish young men just wasn't that hard.
I think the point she is making is that everyone here is speaking of complete strangers, whose life we are seeing a small piece of. Everyone has good days and not so good days - children included. We are not privvy to the entire circumstances leading to the behavior we are so critical of. I don't think anyone is saying that all children are well behaved all the time or that there are not some parents who could use a clue. I am very dubious of those who seem to imply that the world is being overrrun by out of control children and oblivious, uncaring parents.
Zenapple... I don't think you're at all what people are talking about here. Obviously you made every attempt to calm your child. If you gave up after 4 hours and just sat there with a magazine letting your kids scream, then people would have a reason to get annoyed at you.
I realize that I'm probably not what people are talking about here, BUT if you had seen a snapshot of me during that whole screaming scenario, you'd never know. There were a few minutes where I was frantically texting people I knew, etc. - to see if there was any way I could get a ride. No luck. Or when I had to be on the phone with my husband about an issue he was having with one of the other kids. In fact, there was a very well-dressed lady my age who walked by me and sniffed just as I was on the phone. Must have been 1-2 minutes tops for a quick question. But yep, there I am, sitting on a bench, tantrumming baby, and I'm "chilling and talking on the phone."
I also got a lady in the glasses store who gave me a visible once-over complete with eyeroll when I handed my child's Medicaid card over to her so that I could get a replacement frame for my daughter. Never mind that I'm not allowed to opt out of that program due to said child's disability. I wanted to actually pay people for a better health insurance plan for her, but wasn't allowed to. The fact that I got a coffee from the Starbucks sitting in the stroller (I think it's the first time in over a year I got a coffee from there) and the fact that I had an iPhone also in the cup-holder of said stroller, I guess those made me a cliché of "cheating the system" or something. Whatever, haters gonna hate.
Well the premise of this thread is that people are seeing a tiny snippet of behavior and drawing conclusions about parenting styles and how the child behaves for the remaining 364 days of the year. Such snap judgement is completely without merit.
Here's an example of a situation where the OP probably would have been extremely annoyed.
I was getting my car maintenanced the other day. I left my two older kids at home with their father, but had to bring the toddler with me. I was told it would take 1-2 hours. I figured that wasn't so bad, so I packed snacks, amusements, books, a change of clothes... etc. This was at a mall, btw, so there was plenty to see and do. Long story short... Kiddo behaved very well for the first four hours. (Yes, FOUR.) Smiling, cooperative, etc. For some reason, at 1 pm, my car was still floating in the sky with no wheels on it. Mechanic said it should be ready "any minute now". (Which would end up meaning two more hours.) Toddler is very tired, starts wailing. (She only naps in her carseat or at home.) I take her out of her stroller, she starts a full meltdown, completely upset that I won't let her run around. I notice we're disturbing people so I go pace outside.
It was cold - at some point that morning, the weather had turned and dropped a good 10-15 degrees, and it was now quite windy. Nevertheless, I alternated for the next hour pacing around inside and outside, kiddo screaming, flailing, hitting at everything in fist-range (which included me, yay). I tried everything, I really did. Offered more snacks, tried to go see the Christmas trees, just everything. I'm not a newbie mother or anything, but there was nothing that helped. I would have loved to go home, but I was trapped.
So, about five hours after I initially got to there, so five hours of walking around pretty much nonstop, I was exhausted and took her to the waiting area, which was kind of dark. I was hoping maybe I could get her to just relax there. The one lady there - who had just arrived for a quick oil change -- sighed and pulled a face at my daughter. I could pretty much see OP's post written on her face. I didn't feel comfortable enough to stay there, so I went outside to pace in the cold again.
Finally, about six hours after we arrived, we got to leave, and they didn't even finish the work, so now I have to go back next week. While said devil child (who is actually very sweet 99% of the time) is in daycare, when I'm supposed to be, you know, working. But it's OK, I'd rather take time off work than to repeat this last event.
So, there, I said it. I couldn't "control" my child. In public. Believe me, it was tons of fun for me too!
I think this is a really important message Zenapple. As others have said, people are very quick to judge, so thanks for posting it. And pfffft to all the adults who expect perfect children in an imperfect world.
I'm so fed up having to tolerate ill-behaved children everywhere I go! Parents, you may be immune to your children's whining and squabbling with each other, and can tune them out, but we, the general public can't and shouldn't be expected to tolerate them in a restaurant, department store or of all places, the doctor's office.
Case on point - husband and I both sitting in doctor's office miserable with sinus infections waiting our turn while family of 5 show up in the waiting room. The whole place turns to chaos, one is throwing a tantrum, two are fighting and another is eating out of the potted plant. Mom is reading a magazine and barking orders to sit down and stop it, but they ignore her and get even rowdier running around the room and jumping off the chairs. We had to request to be moved to another waiting room.
It's to the point that we can't shop, tour museums, worship in church or dine in a restaurant without dodging kids racing shopping carts down aisles, toddlers in screaming tantrums, and snotty noses coming to our table to see what we're eating. God forbid that your approach the oblivious parents about it, you find out very quickly why the children are so unruly!
My siblings and I were raised to stand behind our parents with our hands folded and mouths shut while out in public. Table manners and polite responses were required, or we suffered the consequences swiftly. I raised my children the same way, and was never ashamed of them in public. I'm proud that they are doing the same with their children.
There is plenty of opportunity to give your child freedom to play, express themselves, and explore horizons at home and on a playground. Teach them some manners and regard for other people's space, respect for other's property, and you will be giving them one of the greatest lessons in life. You will also be doing the rest of the population a huge favor.
peep
The poor woman probably didn't want to take the kids with her to the doctor but had to. I mean, it was the doctor's office - this may have been her only opening or the docs.
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While said devil child (who is actually very sweet 99% of the time) is in daycare, when I'm supposed to be, you know, working. But it's OK, I'd rather take time off work than to repeat this last event.
