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Parents out there, i seem to have a small issue with sleeping. My DD is almost 3 years (in Dec she will be 3). Since she was a child (as young as 6 months), i have gotten her used to go to sleep on her own. I put her down to bed when she is awake but sleepy and leave the room. Until about 10 days ago, she was fine with that arrangement. Now suddenly she starts crying very loudly and doesn't want to go to bed on her own. She wants me with her. I let it go for a few days and stayed with her but since 10 days, I leave her on the bed and go to let her know that I am still there every 3 minutes until she stops crying.
I asked her if something is bothering her but she is unable to articulate if something is bothering her.
I am feeling torn between leaving her to cry vs stay with her until she is asleep.
And no, nothing changed in the last few weeks. Near her daycare, some house owner has decorated his place for Halloween with some real spooky decorations. She sees it everyday; there is no way she cannot see it as we have to go through that route everyday. I was thinking maybe she is getting scared because of those decorations as she seems to have started crying around the same time he put up those decorations.
I told her those are just fun toys and they are not real and they are just decorations etc.
Is there any suggestion for me here? Should I just let her cry and go every 3 minutes or should I just stay with her until she falls asleep? I feel horrible listening to her cries.
If you think it might be the decorations then take them down. My guess would be that her crying is due to development. There is a lot going on developmentally, especially at three and a half. The developmental changes that occur at three and a half are what makes three a rough age for parents. When is her birthday?
If you think it might be the decorations then take them down. My guess would be that her crying is due to development. There is a lot going on developmentally, especially at three and a half. The developmental changes that occur at three and a half are what makes three a rough age for parents. When is her birthday?
oh no...i cant take them down. Those are not my decorations. Someone near the daycare put those up in front of their own home.
Her birthday is 15th Dec. She will be 3 years old.
Should I just stay until she is ready for me to leave the room again?
If you reckon its because she's scared of the Halloween decorations, and she's up until now slept fine on her own then I'd maybe just stay with her until the decorations are taken back down and hopefully then she'll be ok. But there is the risk she'll just get used to you staying and not want to go back to the old arrangement.
If you reckon its because she's scared of the Halloween decorations, and she's up until now slept fine on her own then I'd maybe just stay with her until the decorations are taken back down and hopefully then she'll be ok. But there is the risk she'll just get used to you staying and not want to go back to the old arrangement.
This is precisely what my concern is. If I stay for too long (I am expecting at least until the end of Oct as 31st is Halloween), she may get so used to me that she will refuse to go to sleep on her own.
Has any one experienced any of this? My DH says it cant be due to the decorations.
oh no...i cant take them down. Those are not my decorations. Someone near the daycare put those up in front of their own home.
Her birthday is 15th Dec. She will be 3 years old.
Should I just stay until she is ready for me to leave the room again?
Oh sorry, I misread and thought you had put them up at your house. If it were me, I'd probably just stay with her if she was crying and then once things settle down, restart the old routine.
I would give her more than 3 minutes to cry. Going in that frequently will simply reinforce the behavior. Talk about the scary decorations a bit, and perhaps also talk about some scary Halloween costumes she might see.
Perhaps the homeowner would let you and your daughter walk through the yard so that she can see the decorations close up and discover they are just pretend? It never hurts to ask.
You don't need to stay with her. You are going in too often and reinforcing her behavior.
The Ferber method recommends that you wait increasingly longer intervals before going in to reassure her. So you wait 5 minutes before you go in the next time, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes etc.
Be sure she is getting PLENTY of physical activity, not eating much close to bedtime, and has a set, relaxing bedtime routine.
Forget the decorations. If you don't make a big deal out of them, she won't either.
I never could leave my children crying at any age. They all sleep in their beds and have no sleep problems at ages 6, 10, 13 and 15. I say stay with her. A child not old enough to articulate her fears but needs to know you're there. This stage passes very quickly.
If you enjoy them when they're needy and care for their needs without resentment, you'll have less issues in the teen years because they trust you. This has been my experience anyway. So many people say it's firm discipline that "trains" them to obey you. I think it's earning their trust when they are young. Then they come to you when they are struggling as a teen instead of their friends.
How about a glow worm? There are toys on the market that light up for a while, then dim. A glow worm will stay lit while you are hugging it, goes out when you relax. There are also things that project swirling stars on the ceiling. And/or play soft music or bedtime stories in a lulling voice.
Lots of things you can try between crying it out and staying with her.
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