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Old 10-17-2014, 04:25 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,752 times
Reputation: 10

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I don't know where to start, my son and ex daughter n law got married at a young age. Something I did at his age. I told both of them to wait but without my knowledge they got married. Fast forward they have 2 children (1boy/1girl). The first 2 yrs they lived with me. During that time my grandson was born. Both of them were working at the time, she took her maternity leave and when she was ready to go to work my son took family leave to care for their son. She was earning more money and they both agreed to this decision. My son has a natural way of caring for kids, he was always asked to babysit because kids always liked him and he's big hearted. As I watched him care for his baby, he fed him, bathed him, played with him, slept with him, etc..everything a parent would/should do they were bonding. After a year I had to move so they knew they needed to find a place of their own. I knew it would be hard for them but I knew they would be okay also. They actually end up moving with her parents they lived like 1 1/2 hrs away from where I used to live. She decided to go to college and my son stayed home with the baby. I know she was getting public assistance and financial aid through the college. My son allowed her to persue her education. While my son cared for his son and helped around her parents house, cleaning and cooking, etc. It eventually took its toll and he told her that they should look into getting their own place somewhere else where they can afford the rent. He decided to move while she continued with school and put their son in daycare. He found work and found a 1 bdrm apt that he rented. She did not want to move until she finished the year but would go every weekend with the baby. Of course my son missed them terribly. Her year at school finished so my son told her when are you moving in, she said she wanted to graduate from that college and then she would move. During this time she found out she was pregnant again and they had a little girl. She continued to go to school, the kids were in daycare and they would only come down on the weekends. A year later after she graduated she told my son that she was scared that he wouldn't be able to provide for them and decided not to move after all. Of course my son was devastated so he moved closer to them and the job situation was not good up there. He moved from friend to friend and he would see them when she had the time. They had their issues through the marriage which is why I knew they were too young to deal with. They both had to learn the hard way, lessons learned through experience. Fast forward again, she finally asked for a divorce, it was hard for my son to see his kids because they were a distance from where he was at and he had no car but would take the train/bus to visit when he could. I would have helped but I was going through a financial hardship and also with no car and unemployed it was tough on myself too. A couple of years ago my son was in a hit by a car while riding his bicycle and was in ICU with head trauma. I was not notified until he woke up after a few days, he was in good terms with his wife that I had to inform her and she immediately picked me up half ways to go see him at the hospital. I was honest with her and treated her like my daughter, she had my 2 grand babies. After a few months from my son's accident she started becoming very distant with us. It was always hard for me to call her so she would always call me so the kids could talk to me. Those calls stopped also. My son told me that she is seeing someone else, he is 14yrs older than her. As per what I found out she also distance herself from her own family and the kids have no contact with them either. The last time I saw them was 2 yrs ago before she became distant, she asked me to babysit for a week while her and her boyfriend went to Vegas. I agreed as I was not working at that time. When they came back they looked upset and that was the last time I saw them. Her calls stopped and my messages were not returned. My son would talk to her but all she would say to him was that her boyfriend wants to adopt the kids and she needs to know where he lives. Her boyfriend has bonded with my granddaughter and she thinks that's her daddy. My grandson last I knew asked about his dad but she said he's not around. Last time I had communication with her was last year when I found out she moved closer and it was my grandsons birthday. I left her a message and text her that i would like to bring him his gift and visit for awhile, she agreed. When I went to their city I called and text her what is her address. That when she ignored me and wasn't returning my calls prior to a couple of hours she said it was fine. Her boyfriend has a big influence on her and I know he's telling her what to do. My son has called her but he monitors her calls and then sends him an email of what was discussed. They keep asking him where he lives, he knows they want to serve him with papers. I told him he needs to file with the court and request his right for visitation. Yesterday I reminded him of his daughters birthday that is coming up and he snapped. Since the accident its hard for him to deal with his emotions and he starts crying. I told him I'm sorry and I will be there for you but you are their dad and you need to fight to see them. He is scared of the unknown, since then I've found out where they live. I don't know where to go with this and need a place just to vent and get advise. I only have one son and for him I'll do anything but he also needs to want to step up too. During this whole time he had another child with someone else who is mentally unstable. He does see his other son every other weekend and at times he has him for weeks at a time. For what he tells me he will be taking her to court for full custody as he thinks she is not caring for him properly. I know he has a full plate right now but my grand kids need to know their dad did not just abandon them.
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Old 10-17-2014, 04:52 PM
 
13,619 posts, read 22,191,311 times
Reputation: 37575
Is your son providing support for his first two children? You are right, he needs to step up. He also needs a lawyer.
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Old 10-17-2014, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,688 posts, read 16,271,417 times
Reputation: 18826
I'm confused. Is your son still married to the mother of the two children? What kind of papers do you think that they are going to serve? Is your son paying child support for the two children? I would be guessing that they divorced and visitation would be spelled out in the decree. Did the mother of the two children remarry? Your son will have to be the one to straighten this out. He'll have to decide to pursue it. If he is paying his child support, I don't see anyway that the "new" dad, married to the ex-wife would be able to adopt the children. If he shows no interest in the children by not visiting or paying child support, I would probably want my current husband, if he expressed an interest in doing so, to adopt the children he was helping to take care of.
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Old 10-17-2014, 04:59 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 10,717,783 times
Reputation: 5547
Sounds like he isn't making much effort at all. How do you know her bf is running things when you aren't involved in her life? It could just be she is trying to cut ties with you is all.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:05 PM
 
4,787 posts, read 10,025,973 times
Reputation: 12686
OP- none of this makes any sense.

Did your son and his wife divorce ? Did they divorce or are they just living apart. What is in the divorce decree about child support and visitation ?

His ex-wife and boyfriend can't serve him with any papers. Papers for what ?

There are too many gaps in your story as to the status of your son's marriage with his ex. Your son needs to see an attorney and get legal advice about what is going on. If they are not divorced then that needs to be taken care or fist and support and visitation set up. If you look into your local bar association there is usually at least a free consultation available for the financially disadvantaged.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:32 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 10,717,783 times
Reputation: 5547
Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind View Post
OP- none of this makes any sense.

Did your son and his wife divorce ? Did they divorce or are they just living apart. What is in the divorce decree about child support and visitation ?

His ex-wife and boyfriend can't serve him with any papers. Papers for what ?

There are too many gaps in your story as to the status of your son's marriage with his ex. Your son needs to see an attorney and get legal advice about what is going on. If they are not divorced then that needs to be taken care or fist and support and visitation set up. If you look into your local bar association there is usually at least a free consultation available for the financially disadvantaged.

From what I gather the son hasn't been much of a Father, they got divorced and he doesn't put much effort into his relationships with his kids. They want to serve him with papers to terminate his parental rights most likely. She said that his ex wifes new husband wants to adopt her kids. So I would assume that's why they want to serve him papers.
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Old 10-17-2014, 06:44 PM
 
5,915 posts, read 8,807,628 times
Reputation: 6492
What kind of papers are they trying to serve? He had better just give his address because if they want him to terminate and he says no then the court will go with that, but if they can't find him they can say he has abandoned the children and terminate.
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Old 10-17-2014, 07:43 PM
 
Location: NC
4,534 posts, read 7,686,400 times
Reputation: 4743
OP - I think these posters are right so I will not comment on your concerns. However, I want to address what you said about your son crying. I am not sure if you are aware that his behavior is typical for someone with a TBI - traumatic brain injury. I had a family member go thru this and can tell you, it can be a 2-3 year process that is agonizing for the injured and their family. Sadly, it can be life altering for much longer if the damage was severe.

The attorney needs to know that for 2 years your son has not been able to make logical and emotional decision relating to something this serious. He cannot be judged as a father for his behavior during this period. unfortunately, he will be by the judge. So, if he doesn't want to have his parental rights taken away, he will need statements from his therapy team and neurologist to prove he was mentally unfit to participate in parenting. You should be seeing some improvement in him if he is getting the right therapy. Often, people with TBI suffer from bouts of life threatening depression, anxiety, and cognition and memory issues. I do hope your son received the help he needed? recovery is very possible with the right therapy and often short term use of meds.

It sounds like the outcome of the child situation may not be in your son's favor. I hope he is getting the support and therapy he will need to deal with this.

Last edited by RaleighLass; 10-17-2014 at 07:55 PM.. Reason: left a word out
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Old 10-17-2014, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Kalamalka Lake, B.C.
3,073 posts, read 4,323,687 times
Reputation: 3994
90660 is the op's zip code; once again, my favourite rant: WHAT STATE ARE YOU IN??????
There are deadbeat dad laws almost everywhere, now. You don't want to fall into that category.
And they are slightly different and may apply differently from state/state/jurisdiction.

You'll end up feeding the new boyfriend AND have no visitation rights, since the new boy has
manned up to acting like the father.

A lawyer is needed here not only for the legal issues, but the ongoing financial obligations that
are about to be laid down in law. Keep real good records of time spent, money handed over (receipts),
and send lots of letters stating your position. And take a position.

Stating that the father has "helped" doesn't mean anything here. There's a new game in town, and he isn't sitting at the table.
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Old 10-18-2014, 05:07 AM
 
1,097 posts, read 810,415 times
Reputation: 1731
If you are divorced, you would have specific court orders regarding child visitation. If she isn't letting you see your child, you can take your ex-wife to court.
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