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So we then amended our 'we want two children' line of thinking to 'we want to go through the pregnancy/birth process again' almost immediately. And so we did, two years later.
This is simply wrong.
Financially, we bought one crib. Our twins shared it, and our third used it. One playpen. One blender for making our own baby food. I could go on and on. And, yes, when you're already making a meal for one child, it is not twice as hard to make enough for a second child. When you're taking one child to the park, it is not twice as hard to bring along a second child. I could go on and on here as well.
So, there certainly are myriad economies of scale with having multiple children compared to just one child.
In my mind, my initial comment referred to work you have to do with more than 1 child, not things you have to buy. So, in terms of what you have to buy, I agree with your comments above, you don't spend the same on Child #2 as you did for Child #1.
But, in terms of work, it depends on what you are talking about. Making dinner for 2 kids rather than 1? Yes, not that much more work. But in your park example, for instance, I would say that yes, it is twice as hard to have 2 kids there as opposed to just one. Maybe you are blessed with kids that always agree about what they want to do and never separate from each other though. For me, any time that 2 strong opinions have to be considered, it is harder....
My first son was born earlier this year. Even though I always wanted children, I have to say I was taken aback by how challenging it is to look after a newborn. And five months later life continues to surprise me in both good and bad ways (Oh so you thought a newborn was tough, eh? How about a five-month-old baby with a cold who can't breath, eat or sleep?).
Anyway, sometimes my wife and I talk about whether we want a second child or not. There are times I feel like "Totally, this is the most awesome feeling in the world and I can't wait to add another little one to my family" and sometimes I feel more like "NO GOD NO, NEVER AGAIN". A friend of mine, who had a baby one year before me and is already thinking about a second one, once told me that life has a way of making you forget how difficult a newborn was, otherwise nobody would go through it twice. And I feel like I'm going through some of that, because I feel like my opinion has started changing from "This is harder than I expected" to "That wasn't so hard".
Anyway, the purpose of this thread is to ask others...when did you decide you wanted more kids or when did you decide one was enough? What were the reasons for your decision?
There was never a time we wanted a second kid.....we planned one..and that was it. Never even thought twice about it. I really do not get all the presure to have these siblings.
I always wanted more than one. IMO one is selfish. I said IMO for those who will jump on me for saying that. Having one means they never learn to share, or deal with siblings and learn to share early on. My second husband was an only child and his son the same and you could see the same patterns of wanting thing his own way, even in his 30's and 40's. I had 3. There was 3 years difference between the first and second because I couldn't get pregnant sooner. 15 months between 2 and 3rd. Would have had a 4th if my husband could have had more.
What pressure? You either want another child, or you don't.
I have heard a lot of people say that children "need" siblings, only children never turn out well, etc., the post above mine being a great example. Perhaps that is where the pressure comes from.
I always knew I wanted at least two. I have six siblings, and while I didn't really want to have seven kids either (!), I love having brothers and sisters and didn't want to raise an only child if I could help it. Nothing against only children, it just wasn't my ideal.
I was ready to try again when my first child turned one, but it was another 1.5 years before I conceived again. I went through infertility treatments. During that time, I started to come to grips with the fact that I might just have that one child, but it was tough. When I found out I was finally pregnant, it was so exciting. My husband, my daughter, and I were all ready.
I was still thinking about a possible third and final baby. I did not want to go again through the agony of month after month trying to conceive, so we decided that when baby #2 was 15 months old, we would stop preventing for one year, and if it didn't happen, we would give it up and be content with our two lovely girls. Wouldn't you know, I got pregnant that first month and had a son.
So my first two kids are almost 3.5 years apart and the younger two are 24 months apart. The bigger gap was easier for the first year. The smaller gap was tough at first, but really great when the kids got a little older, as they had more of the same interests and could do things together. Of course, my older two did play together as well.
Now that it's all well behind me (the youngest is almost 10), having three kids still strikes me as one of the best things ever. Would I want to go through it all again, NO. I am too old now and once was enough. But it was totally, totally worth it.
I have to say that I had fairly easy pregnancies and my babies were not terribly difficult. Maybe if I'd had a really terrible time, I would feel differently. But one thing for sure, everything went much faster and easier with the second baby than the first, and with the third, I felt like I blinked and he was a year old. Nothing is as hard as the first baby. Going from 0 to 1 is way, way harder than from 1 to 2. At least, it was for me.
If you at all think you're going to look back some day and wish you had another child (and more people regret the ones they didn't have than the ones the did have), then go for it. Time is going to go by and you are going to get through whatever you have to get through, no matter what. I once heard someone say, "But if I have a baby now, by the time he's grown up, I'll be 50!!"
To which a wiser person in the room answered, "How old will you be in 18 years if you DON'T have the baby?"
My wife and I decided on one. Several relatives (mostly her side of the family) have been badgering us to have another. Our response is in unison,
"Okay, will you be raising this kid if we have another?"
"No?"
"Well, there's your answer."
Seems people love cute babies and puppies but as soon as the first poop comes, it's simply a matter of who can you "dump" (no pun intended) the kid or dog on. having kids out of peer pressure is never good.
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Every single one of our 5 children was planned !
First one after two years of marriage - gave us time to *get to know each other better*.
Then each one two years after the next one - gave Mom's body a *rest*.
We wanted two boys and then two girls and then whichever ...
Worked out perfect.
Number 5 turned to be a girl but behaves like a tomboy !
Boys dated the sisters friends and the girls dated the boys friends ...
Did they marry those ... ? Nope !
They are all grown up now, have their own families and children.
Made the calculated risk of going to Europe to have them and raise them !
Having a baby is relatively cheap in Europe and free Education !!
Now back in the USA where we belong !
Our kids are doing the same thing now !
Plan and raise kids where it is cheaper than the USA.
What pressure? You either want another child, or you don't.
People get pressured all the time to have more kids if they have an only child....they need a sibling, they'll be lonely...they will have mental health issues.......yada yada yada.......some of the myths and lies about only children are legend.
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