Adult Daughter - Her relationship w/her dad after he remarried (attorney, baby)
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It's always a struggle after a divorce even in the best of circumstances to reconcile children, of any age, to a new wife or husband. I like photobuff42's words:" Shouldn't a mom encourage a good relationship with the girl's father? Just because their marriage didn't work out, it doesn't mean that the daughter can't have good relationships with both parents."
All 3 of you need to understand this and you, or your daughter, are the only ones that can take this message to him and ask him to clean up his act.
Some stepmothers see a previous spouse's children as competition, especially if they married for money. Those are the kind of stepmothers that were inspiration for fairy tales.
Maybe she's one of those? Does your ex have a good income?
In the old days, stepmothers got a bad reputation because of the greedy ones. But nowadays, nobody is allowed to say anything bad about any stepmother, and everybody gets mad at anybody who dares to say that one is bad. So now some people do the opposite -- automatically assume that the stepparent is just the victim of a spoiled stepchild that is trying to make them look bad.
I don't know anything for sure, but the first post here sounds like the stepmother wants to keep the stepdaughter out of her husband's life (but is trying not to be too obvious about it).
As for beneficiaries, if I ever remarried, I would still leave everything to my daughter. I'm surprised everyone here feels that if you remarry, the spouse should get everything. My ex is a police officer with a nice pension (sadly, I'm not going to see any of it). I helped him become a police officer, along with my daughter. We were married 25 yrs. This woman comes along and if he dies, the wife and her children get everything?
That's typical. I read somewhere when it comes to the wills of divorced parents who remarry, women normally do leave most of their estate to their children, but most men leave most of their estate to their spouse.
What does this mean? That mothers love their children more than fathers? Or could it be that fathers are more likely to be manipulated by their spouses?
Honestly, though, if a parent loves their children, there is no reason for them to leave "everything" to their spouse. Nowadays you can do a bypass trust, where the spouse can live in the home and use your estate during their lifetime, and then have everything in the trust go to the children when the spouse dies.
Here's another interesting tidbit for you, gold-diggers are notorious for trying to discourage their spouses from spending time with the rest of their family, and/or trying to harm the relationship between their spouse and other family members. Your first post in this thread reminded me of that. I'm not saying that she is a gold-digger, but that maybe your daughter should be aware of the possibility that she might be, and look for more signs.
It's always a struggle after a divorce even in the best of circumstances to reconcile children, of any age, to a new wife or husband. I like photobuff42's words:" Shouldn't a mom encourage a good relationship with the girl's father? Just because their marriage didn't work out, it doesn't mean that the daughter can't have good relationships with both parents."
All 3 of you need to understand this and you, or your daughter, are the only ones that can take this message to him and ask him to clean up his act.
It is not OP's place to "take this message" to him or "ask him to clean up his act." Her daughter absolutely should but, as an adult, she needs to learn to manage her own interpersonal relationships.
That's typical. I read somewhere when it comes to the wills of divorced parents who remarry, women normally do leave most of their estate to their children, but most men leave most of their estate to their spouse.
What does this mean? That mothers love their children more than fathers? Or could it be that fathers are more likely to be manipulated by their spouses?
It's more likely that men are the financial earners of the second marriage, and they're leaving most of their estate to their spouse to ensure their spouse is financially secure, similarly to how they would have done their first spouse if they had remained marriage. A remarried wife is more likely to be married to someone who is financially secure and doesn't need her estate, which allows her to feel comfortable giving it to her children.
I'm sure it hurts to hear your daughter feel bad over the situation, but I think it's probably best to stay neutral, and perhaps encourage daughter to talk to dad about how she can build a better relationship with stepmom. Be mindful of bad-mouthing dad and his new wife to your daughter, as this will just add fuel to the fire. The daughter is over 20 years old, she is old enough to try to find ways to get along with stepmom and communicate with dad. Over time, as stepmom gets to know everyone, and feels more secure in her new marriage, the relationship between the three of them will probably improve.
Men will take the side of whomever they're having sex with. This a universal truth, ignore at your own peril.
What do the women do?
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