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But consider how ready you are to have a child at 24. There's still a lot of fun to be had in life and having the kid changes all that.
I'm in a similar financial boat as the OP and didn't have a child until I was 31. Part of me still felt I was too young, but perhaps that was just 10+ years of freedom to do what I wanted while friends were having kids.
Of course, it's ultimately your decision. Each person is different.
Times 3! Your husband wants you to stay home with the baby? You did not say that you wanted to stay home. You listed some really unlikely scenarios as if you were madly searching for reasons not to have a baby yet. So, what if you wait and something goes wrong with your body that will make it impossible for you to have a baby at all? The older you get, the less fertile you will be. If your husband ultimately wants things that you don't, you better have the talk now.
If the OP isn't ready for a baby yet, she shouldn't be made to feel bad about that. Her husband is older than she is; I think he needs to put himself in her shoes and remember where he was emotionally at age 24.
Personally, I am 32 and I just now feel ready for a child. Maybe I missed my window of opportunity, but if so, then I am okay with that honestly. I wasn't ready before. If we had had children right away when we got married (I was 27, he was 29), I am sure our relationship would have been weakened by the added stress and I don't think we'd be as happy as we are today. Now, we've had time to really think everything through and we feel prepared.
As for money, my husband and I don't have much more saved than you do, OP. I think that financially you are in good shape. But, it doesn't sound like you're emotionally ready to me (and there is nothing wrong with that!).
OP- if I read it correctly, you are 24 and your spouse is 30? My two cents for what it's worth: WAIT TO HAVE CHILDREN!
My husband and I just celebrated our 20 year anniversary and the single best thing we ever did was wait 7 years before we had kids. We traveled, bought our first home, paid off all our debts and had a great time in general. We were married at 24 and 23 and used those early years to strengthen our relationship. Parenting will test you as a couple and individual more than anything else in the world (in my opinion).
I've been a stay at home mom for 13 years and was 31 & 33 when I had our children. You have nothing to worry about with fertility issues until you hit 35 years old (I work in a fertility clinic so I'm speaking from experience here).
Remember, there are no "take-backs" with kids......it is an amazing journey, but one you must be ready to take. I tell my children all the time: Please wait to have kids until you are over 30! I think if most people waited until then, we might just have a little less trouble in the world......
You also mentioned your husband just got his first job ever? You might want to give him more time to get established in his career, so that if god forbid a layoff happens, he's got some experience under his belt. Remember, anything can happen and the pressure is much greater when you've got a cute little mouth to feed. Best of luck!
I'd suggest you not have any children. The world doesn't need any one else to believe in global warming.... and those lions will be eating what's left of us after we kill each other anyways... them and the cockroaches...
1. There's no amount you can save to be prepared for a baby. So forget it. What if you have a child born with a severe handicap that will cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars over the next 5 years? Have a baby when you want a baby.
2. Visit the personal finance forum and discuss how you're saving for retirement (maxing out 401ks?), if you have a solid emergency fund (at least 3 months, preferably 6 months - 12 months depending how conservative you are).
We've utilized numerous things to keep costs of kids down. You can spend a fortune if you want. Or not.
Travel now; have the baby in a few years. You have time...
Your fertility takes a dive at 27, then another at 30 but that doesn't mean you won't be able to have a baby then. Another fertility dip at 35 and at 40 your chances of getting pregnant are pretty low. After 42 IVF fails to work for most.
Our world has changed but biology hasn't. Just a suggestion but the book The Big Lie by Tanya Selvaratnam is an eye opening look at fertility and how many people aren't told the true facts about it.
Also, 140,000 a year in SF isn't that much money at all. I think some of the people that are responding don't realize just how expensive it is to live in SF right now.
Have you thought about what happens when your child is school age (5) in SF and have you researched what the school system is like in the city? Many people leave the city when they have kids because it is so labor intensive and expensive to stay with children.
Do you want to live in Marin and have your husband commute across the bridge during the work week? These are just some other things to think about.
This is a good idea, and we're effectively doing this right now. (He just started his job last year, his first job ever).
Another more selfish consideration is that I know that after baby, it's going to be exponentially harder to go on travel journeys abroad -- I really want to go on an African safari (an ethically conducted one of course), and go to Antarctica. These are not cheap. The safari for both of us will be around $8,000 total, and Antarctica will end up being around $16,000. So let's say $25,000 total for the trips.
Basically, we have to do all this next year...because if we don't do these now, by the time we have the chance again, Antarctica will be melted to oblivion, and wild lions will be extinct!
What's an "ethical safari?" Where they use 50-caliber (or larger) vs. .375 Nitro Express? Good old British safari days, my my...
Lions may be soon "extinct" because of human overpopulation and barbarians wiping out anything that moves for a fast buck. Just to be clear. I suspect nature will wipe them out, in-turn, via scourges like Ebola (and many others just coming out of the woodwork), but that won't save the lions. Agreed.
More-germane: in a marriage, when one partner is pressured into having children a bit earlier than desired, there tends to be resentment later on. This, I have observed from my own family and others. If you want to travel, yes: going anywhere with children is a logistics and financial disaster, unless you can hire an au pair and forget about it for a week or whatnot.
I wouldn't wish children on a professional couple in their 20s on my worst enemy, but clearly people have been doing so successfully for millennia so something's going right. And, indeed, some (men, women) are born great parents. I've been very lucky to observe all my pals become great parents, those who chose too, but that's what being professional is all about. Yes, and all of that is major sacrifice to the tune of (depending on who you ask, $250-400K per child through college).
Antarctica for $16K sounds like a bargain. I'll see that one day on a cruise. I'm in my 40s, when I can finally start the serious travel.
Suggestion: start a course of Norplant, give yourself some serious breathing room to (save, travel, whatever you're into). Subcutaneous, five years worth. Inpatient procedure. That'll end that debate in a hurry. As far as "reproductive rights" go, that would be: you, exercising yours?
This is a good idea, and we're effectively doing this right now. (He just started his job last year, his first job ever).
Another more selfish consideration is that I know that after baby, it's going to be exponentially harder to go on travel journeys abroad -- I really want to go on an African safari (an ethically conducted one of course), and go to Antarctica. These are not cheap. The safari for both of us will be around $8,000 total, and Antarctica will end up being around $16,000. So let's say $25,000 total for the trips.
Basically, we have to do all this next year...because if we don't do these now, by the time we have the chance again, Antarctica will be melted to oblivion, and wild lions will be extinct!
I can't help but wonder if this^^^ is the issue. I don't think it's about money. I think it's more of not being able to do all those things with a baby in tow. Those places aren't exactly baby-friendly trips. I've never head anyone ask how much should be saved before having a baby. There are people who earn much less and have more than one child and they live just fine.
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