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Because we're usually TIRED by the time the last one comes along. I should add the last one is often short changed as well. My youngest only has one set of professional pics whereas the others went every other month to capture every "milestone."
First, the oldest four were pretty much raised identically up to a point and then we thought maybe we could do better with the younger two. Very strict and now not as strict. All though all of them have had to face various discipline issues and all have a set of chores.
My wife and were raised differently which is also part of it. I lived in a fairly low discipline house she lived in an abusive house. Her idea of respect is still warped by that. Of course my ideas she would argue are, too.
But, parents evolve and change just as the kids to. You do your best with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. Kid also don't always remember just how much you did do for them. We took loans out to pay for special medicine and tutoring for our oldest and 5-years of drum lessons. We don't get much thanks from him.
Now we give the kids money for clothes twice a year, but they are expected to try to get a job when they are sixteen. We stop paying allowance when they are 17. The oldest two never got an allowance, but we did try to give them $ for things when we could, but back then $ was tighter too.
Poor choices on the oldest's part made him have to pay his own phone, car insurance, and eventually a trip out of the house.
We were able to help the another buy their first car, but they have since paid us back. They are much more responsible. They got music lessons also, where as the younger three have not.
I could probably go on more, but that is jest of it. We have done our best with what we knew and had. At some point, they have to be responsible for themselves and stop blaming us. :O)
I had two children close together, so they were disciplined the same, but for those who have more and tend to lighten up, I think it's because the parents learn some things aren't nearly as important as was thought earlier, As my mother used to say, she did the best she knew how to do. I suppose most people do.
Sometimes the first just doesn't push their parents' boundaries. They don't date in high school or junior high or only go on group dates so there is no trouble with having a girl or boy or trans-person in your room alone with you; it simply doesn't happen. They don't drink or smoke cigarettes or marijuana or snort cocaine, and wouldn't imagine doing so, so there is no problem with that. I was this way. I caused my parents a lot of stress, in totally different ways, but I certainly didn't prepare them for teenage rebellions.
Some parents may actually find relief in their kids' rebelliousness, and actually live their adolescence through them again vicariously, through being far seemingly more permissive or lax with their other kids. But it's not only the parents' rules, but how far the kids push them.
I'm one of six kids and Im the oldest. My parents disciplined me harshly and spanked me with a paddle. I knew better than to act up. No coming home late, no sleepovers, no boys ever (even as just friends). Bed time was at 7 pm up until I moved out at 18. If I broke the rules my butt got busted, as did my sister who is the second oldest. We took care of the younger kids and shared rooms.
Of course now my younger brothers yet away with everything, do what they want lol. They never get punished or anything. They all have their own rooms where as my sister and I slept on a cot. Like wtf. Now I dont talk to them much and i guess thats why? I'm still bitter I guess. I got whooped a ton but really I wasn't a bad kid.
It's pretty much a combination of the two main things that have been mentioned. By the time the youngest kids come along, the parents have learned from their mistakes. Combine this with the fact that oldest kids had young energetic parents, while the youngest likely have parents who are either approaching, or are into middle age, and lack the energy to constantly battle their children. A 10 year old can be a handful for parents who are 50 years old.
A friend of mine talks about how she was so hard on her first. She says when he was 2 he seemed so old and she expected a lot from him. Now he is 8 and her 3rd child is 2. The 2yo now seems so young and baby like, she has much less ( and more realistic) expectations of her 3rd child. I going to assume this trend is continuing, because she is very tough on that 8yo.
I am the oldest of four. Hard on me, respectively easier for each following sibling , it just the way it goes. Stress, money, expectations, the learning curve of parenting. And with age comes wisdom (usually) older parents may feel that life is short, enjoy! More fun, less discipline.
So what would you recommend me say to my friend next time she brings it up? Not that I talk to her much, but how can I convince her to try to re-connect with her parents while her brother gets treated like a king?
So what would you recommend me say to my friend next time she brings it up? Not that I talk to her much, but how can I convince her to try to re-connect with her parents while her brother gets treated like a king?
Tell her to read this thread. Only she knows the details of her family dynamics to identify which things shared here apply to her family.
There's almost a 10 year span between her and her brother. That's a big age difference. Her parents were significantly younger when they had her. That means they were probably more stressed out due to their own immaturity, and they had less money because their careers were just starting out. The children's personalities could have been different with her being more challenging. Or her parents are older and simply worn out and gave up.
One thing I can almost guarantee is she'll end up being the most responsible and successful of the two children.
I meant to put this in my other post, but it just slipped me mind as I typed out that post.
I think a big part of it is that parents learn that they can't protect their kids from everything. You can guide them and support them, but often mistakes are the best teacher. As long as nobody gets hurt or ends up in jail, then there is nothing wrong with allowing your kids to make mistakes, but first time parents usually have an unrealistic view of how their kids will turn out so they try to force the kids in a certain direction while they've (hopefully) learned their lesson for the later kids.
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