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Seems as if the homeschoolers are much more confident in their kids than the other posters
on here who have used the public school approach.
I cannot believe there's people on here trying to label the poor kid w/ ADHD or whatever.
What next- medicate him?
What is with your judginess and finger-pointing?
No need to be so confrontational. People are offering different opinions and experiences.
He's probably a natural born leader, not a follower.
Perhaps you should re-read the OP's first post. He only leads when he's with younger children. He's a follower when he's with children his own age. Those aren't signs of a natural born leader. There's nothing wrong with that either.
I'm all for getting help if this child actually needs it, but the kid is happy at school, seems unaffected (as far as we know) at being socially young, has good grades and a supportive family. It is possible that extroverted and popular mom is just not understanding immature and loner son.
I was a shy and bright kid who was constantly pushed into large social situations by my very extroverted mother. I was happy reading alone but quickly got the message that my mom thought that was weird. I found social acceptance as a way to my mother's approval and since I wasn't comfortable with it, I was miserable.
Now who knows if that's what is going on here but no one other than Mom seems to think there's a problem right? So don't fix it if it isn't broken.
It's so hard when we see that our children aren't doing the same things as other kids. I have a very shy child and similar problems. I don't have any answers, unfortunately. However, some things about the OP's child sound like he might be evaluated for Asbergers - the talking loud thing, for instance. I have known a couple of kids with Asbergers that did that. It's something to consider, anyway. At least if he had an actual condition the OP would have some hard facts and a road map for helping him (and herself).
I would be all for helping the boy ASAP if he seemed to be suffering. Several posters have used that word. But when I read the OP's post, I don't see any suffering or anything that seems to be a red flag.
I myself was a "loner" at school although I did have a couple of friends. I know my mom worried about me, but she wisely let me be myself and did not force me into clubs, sports and play groups that I would have absolutely hated. No one would have dreamed of taking me to a therapist. I read a lot, hung out with my family, got good grades and was generally happy. I got along great with adults and enjoyed talking to my teachers. As we all got older, my peers and I gradually developed more interests in common though I am still somewhat introverted.
Not everyone is going to be an outgoing extrovert surrounded by a group of friends, and that's A-OK. We need all kinds.
It is so important to address these kinds of issues early on as they will not just go away or improve on their own.
As heartbreaking as it is to watch an 8 year old be lonely, friendless and struggling - it is even HARDER to watch a 15 year old go through.
Early intervention in these situations is key.
And I am big on following your mothers intuition when it comes to what is best for your child
This is the advice I would give you as an educator. I've seen those poor kids wandering at recess with no one to play with. I've seen the kids in fifth grade who no one sits with at lunch unless there are assigned seats. I've also held kids who were crying because they were the only kid not invited to a party. It only gets worse in middle school.
Don't worry- it's not too late. First off, try to plan a fun outing. I've done class Halloween parties in the past at my home. It's frenetic and not fun for me, but I got to know other kids and parents. You could plan a laser tag or some other fun outing just for the heck of it.
Scope out the kids and see which ones gravitate to your child. You are looking for compatibility. Then you invite those kids for smaller outings or play dates. Get to know the parents and this will help ease the way.
Your son needs to be able to practice these social skills in a safe environment...which is most likely set up by you.
Try to build a group of kids that does fun activities together. You can get him interested in a hobby and get together with those kids too.
If you help support your child, he will mature and be able to form solid and lasting friendships.
Also, I don't think he has ADHD, ADD, or aspergers. I'm not saying he doesn't, but social issues and immaturity are very common in young boys. The poster who suggested a counseling group teaching socialization by the school counselor is an excellent one. It's not like therapy or anything. It's just a safe place to practice socialization with peers.
Good luck to you!
Last edited by Meyerland; 10-28-2014 at 02:14 PM..
This is the advice I would give you as an educator. I've seen those poor kids wandering at recess with no one to play with. I've seen the kids in fifth grade who no one sits with at lunch unless there are assigned seats. I've also held kids who were crying because they were the only kid not invited to a party. It only gets worse in middle school.
Don't worry- it's not too late. First off, try to plan a fun outing. I've done class Halloween parties in the past at my home. It's frenetic and not fun for me, but I got to know other kids and parents. You could plan a laser tag or some other fun outing just for the heck of it.
Scope out the kids and see which ones gravitate to your child. You are looking for compatibility. Then you invite those kids for smaller outings or play dates. Get to know the parents and this will help ease the way.
Your son needs to be able to practice these social skills in a safe environment...which is most likely set up by you.
Try to build a group of kids that does fun activities together. You can get him interested in a hobby and get together with those kids too.
If you help support your child, he will mature and be able to form solid and lasting friendships.
Also, I don't think he has ADHD, ADD, or aspergers. I'm not saying he doesn't, but social issues and immaturity are very common in young boys. The poster who suggested a counseling group teaching socialization by the school counselor is an excellent one. It's not like therapy or anything. It's just a safe place to practice socialization with peers.
Good luck to you!
Thank you for posting and giving your opinion as an educator in the trenches
Also agree that the child doesn't necessarily have a health issue, just think the OP might want to rule that out to be sure one way or the other
I am late to the thread, and haven't read all the comments, but I wonder what the OPs son's teacher says? She spends all day with your son and the other kids. Her input would be valuable.
My feeling is Mom is probably worrying too much. Her son sounds like a nice bright kid, who will be able to figure out what works and what doesn't as far as fitting in with the other kids.
I've raised 4 kids, so I can tell you that they all are different and will find their own path. Parents want to micro manage, but really, we need to get out of the way.
Sports are good for a child's development. Your son should be exposed to every one that is available, and if he picks one, he should not be allowed to quit any sport until the season is over. Tai Kwan Do, or Karate is a lot of fun for kids.
It's too soon to panic, Mom. Like the kids say, "It'll all buff out".
I haven't read the other responses, but I just want to say that you've described my 11 year old. He's everything you said: great academically etc. But immature. My son is a twin and his brother is a typical tween. But my other boy is "young" and loves playing with younger kids.
After a lot of reading I've determined that he has mild Aspergers. (My husband has it too and I think there's a genetic component.)
Does a formal diagnosis matter? I don't happen to think so. In fact, I don't want a label in my son's medical files (a huge controversy; that's just my ultimate conclusion). I work w/ my son a lot on what's appropriate and what's not. Typically kids on the Asperger's spectrum have tough childhoods because they don't tend to fit in well and are bully-magnets. But when they become adults, they do better because they have skills that are highly sought.
Many think Bill Gates, Einstein, Thomas Jefferson and more had Asperger's.
I will add that I homeschool -- not because of Asperger's at all -- but I can't imagine my sensitive, sweet kid being in regular school. I know my husband talks privately to me about how much he was bullied as a kid. It become dangerous. Luckily for my husband, he grew to be over six feet and is wide, but I'd recommend getting your son into martial arts so he can defend himself if necessary.
My .02 is that I'd also recommend homeschooling. I don't think regular schools -- public, private, charter -- are equipped to handle this type of child.
Feel free to PM me. Hang in there. You have a great kid. Not a cookie-cutter kid -- a great kid!!
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