My son is socially immature. Does it get better? (baby, games, boys)
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I’m hesitant to write this because I don’t want to be judged, but I’m to the point now where I really could need some advice or encouraging words.
I have an 8 year old boy who is in third grade this year. He is a very sweet and caring person. Academically he is right on target for his age group. He reads and write well. He is great at math and he is very knowledgeable about the world in general. He gets that from watching the news with me, National Geographic, documentaries etc. He is your typical curious 8 year old boy. Of course he also watch kids programs.
However, he is also very childish…or socially immature. He has a hard time making friends who wants to hang out with him. He was not like this before he started school (kindergarten) but the older he gets, it’s like his maturity level is not catching up.
When I take him to the park he has no problems playing with 4 and 5 year olds. He realizes that they are much younger, but it’s like he becomes the leader instead of the follower, like he is with his own age group.
When I take him to school in the morning I observe him waiting in line for the teacher. I noticed how the other boys in his class are discussing the latest games, movies etc and he don’t know how to join the conversation. He might try but comes out saying something unrelated and the other boys are pretty much ignoring him. He also have a problem with being too impulsive and loud when he plays, and getting into people’s faces. It's annoying I'm sure for the other kids.
We used to have a problem with him keeping his hands to himself, luckily that’s not much of a problem anymore.
I asked him yesterday who he played with on recess that day and he said “nobody, I tried to talk to A and B but they couldn’t hear me and I kept calling their names “.
In other words, they are ignoring him.
When I ask him if he likes school he says yes. He always seems happy to go to school and always looks forward to go and meet his “friends”. It’s like he doesn’t realize he is putting people off.
Am I overreacting? Sense my son doesn’t seem bothered by it should I just let it go until it actually becomes a problem?
I remember making friends when I was his age and I would have been devastated if nobody wanted to play with me.
He might enjoy and develop social skills with some small group activities. Karate or judo for kids is a great activity involving respect for instructor and fellow students and physical exercise. Or if he is inclined soccer.
Another good activity is dog training. These types of activities give the child a focus and something to work on with others in a group. The dog can be a great social introduction. If you cannot have a dog long term, how about fostering.
There are many more since it depends on his interest. Once he gets involved and has success in social interactions, it should translate to more people. But some are just better with a few friends than being one of a crowd.
So think small group, instructor led, activities that are fun, hopefully exercise, etc.
try not to worry too much about it. kids that age are very cliquish and mean in their ignoring dismissal of others. your kid sounds like an individual, and a thinker, the kids his age probably don't "get" him but as they mature intellectually he should find a good buddy or two. some kids don't have a lot of friends but find a good pal or two which is really all they need. he may like playing with the younger kids because all they are doing is playing and there is no "conversation" they have to engage in that the older kids may find not to their liking. I would just continue to encourage him to be more social and to join in with sports and clubs. keep checking in with him to make sure he feels ok and is not being shunned or bullied. you could also talk to his teacher to see what she thinks his interactions are. he sounds like a great kid.
He might enjoy and develop social skills with some small group activities. Karate or judo for kids is a great activity involving respect for instructor and fellow students and physical exercise. Or if he is inclined soccer.
Another good activity is dog training. These types of activities give the child a focus and something to work on with others in a group. The dog can be a great social introduction. If you cannot have a dog long term, how about fostering.
There are many more since it depends on his interest. Once he gets involved and has success in social interactions, it should translate to more people. But some are just better with a few friends than being one of a crowd.
So think small group, instructor led, activities that are fun, hopefully exercise, etc.
Thanks! I like that idea! He has played baseball and soccer before but was so unfocused. Maybe Karate or similar would be good for him.
try not to worry too much about it. kids that age are very cliquish and mean in their ignoring dismissal of others. your kid sounds like an individual, and a thinker, the kids his age probably don't "get" him but as they mature intellectually he should find a good buddy or two. some kids don't have a lot of friends but find a good pal or two which is really all they need. he may like playing with the younger kids because all they are doing is playing and there is no "conversation" they have to engage in that the older kids may find not to their liking. I would just continue to encourage him to be more social and to join in with sports and clubs. keep checking in with him to make sure he feels ok and is not being shunned or bullied. you could also talk to his teacher to see what she thinks his interactions are. he sounds like a great kid.
Thanks! I always talk to him before and after school and try to give him advice and encouraging words. I should talk to his teacher and see what she says. Thanks!
I have an 8 year old boy who is in third grade this year. He is a very sweet and caring person. Academically he is right on target for his age group.
However, he is also very childish…or socially immature.
Did you say he is childish ? I wonder what you expect from a 8 year old? I know what you say there was a time my daughter also comfortable with younger kids the reason might be your son is youngest in the class my daughter was. Take it easy your son will be okay. Dont expect too much from a child. They need to learn and grow. But my daughter gone to a play sessions with small groups that was guided by school. I am not sure if your area exist something like that.
Please remind me of your family situation ...His father? Siblings?
He has a sister who is 10 months. He is a great big brother, very helpful. We used to move around alot due to my husbands work, but sense he started 1st grade, 2 years ago we haven't moved and he has been at the same school the whole time. We have a stable family life.
Did you say he is childish ? I wonder what you expect from a 8 year old? I know what you say there was a time my daughter also comfortable with younger kids the reason might be your son is youngest in the class my daughter was. Take it easy your son will be okay. Dont expect too much from a child. They need to learn and grow.
I have a bad habit of comparing with other kids. I know I shouldn't do that. It seems like he sticks out from everybody else which is why Im concerned.
He has a sister who is 10 months. He is a great big brother, very helpful. We used to move around alot due to my husbands work, but sense he started 1st grade, 2 years ago we haven't moved and he has been at the same school the whole time. We have a stable family life.
I was thinking more in terms of role models.
Is he around other kids in the neighborhood, or does he play alone at home a lot?
If he's mainly around the baby and you, watching news, documentaries and other intellectual pursuits, he may not be getting enough peer interaction to learn what (they think) is "cool" and what is not.
It's hard for boys to learn this AT SCHOOL because school becomes like the stage upon which they act out what they have learned at home or in the neighborhood.
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