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If nothing other than snuggling is happening and it's just that they feel comfortable together then I don't see any harm in this behavior. Maybe it is your insecurity that is the issue? I think it's better to love your kids than to push them away. I wonder if you hold him much? I'm not saying it couldn't be a problem that is being acted out on, maybe he's having depression or some other issues where he doesn't feel safe and that makes him feel relaxed? Just some thoughts I had. I think how you responded will only build resentment. How about asking him sometime without judging him how it makes him feel to snuggle with his mom?
Oh- just yuk- and double yuk- you do realize the kid is 15 years- not 15 months AND- his stepson to boot- -right? now I need to go get that picture out of my head-
He's spending too much time discussing it without taking action. He needs to take action. My suggestion is action. What is your recommendation? To allow this "incest" to continue and have endless discussions about it?
sorry OP but i got distracted by your story when you said you your 15 yo stepson spends UP TO TWELVE HOURS on the computer IN THE BASEMENT ALONE. why are you allowing him to do this? you do realize that there are tons of inappropriate material a 15 yo can access on the internet, right? wow, i really feel like parents have lost common sense to lazy parenting. do you even have parental controls on that computer? i am betting no.
It's not that I allow him... That has been an issue with me... The issue is that my wife allows it... and she disregards what I say about it!
Kid is a computer genius... he sets up network for house... and my wife is a computer systems analyst...She is not into lazy parenting...she just gives them the freedom to make all their own choices... (NOT ME!) But my child rearing abilities have been questioned because of poor choices my kids have made in their late teens and early twenties..( I can't be with them forever!)
Last edited by badstepdad; 11-02-2014 at 10:42 AM..
Reason: additional comment
Have you thought about leaving and possibly a divorce? After her lies in the beginning, I certainly wouldn't have stuck around for 11 years. And clearly she doesn't respect you at all even now. Are you her cash cow or something?
Enough analysis. This is what the OP has to do. Tell her this, "I don't like this behavior. You don't have to understand my concern or agree with it, but as your husband I am telling you to stop doing this because it upsets me." That is all.
Yeah... that's all I have to do... I'm living in 2014... you're in the 50's... I can't and wouldn't "TELL" her to do anything. I explained how I felt, and she more or less told me "I don't care if you don't like it... it doesn't bother me. So why would I stop doing it... he's my son.". She doesn't care if it upset, embarrassed, mortified me. PERIOD!
The solution is to find your own 15 year old to cuddle with. Maybe ask your wife to find you one. Let her know that you feel left out and if she could find you a 15 year old girl to cuddle with then maybe things would be fine between you two.
I have boys, and while they sometimes sit on the same couch as I do when watching a movie or something, there is NO WAY they would have acted like the OP's stepson. Share a blanket? Uh, no. We each have our own blankets, thank you very much.
im seeing a trend here- most of the guys are saying this is beyond "weird" or power plays
many women are minimizing, dismissing. explaining this away ,,, laying it back on the stepfather
again, if this was a teenage girl and a dad "snuggling" under a blanket- the father would be a pedophile , creep, molestor
and the moms on here would be screaming call the state counselors immediately!!
yet, because its a boy and his mom,,,,its just a close relationship or a powerplay against the dad??
ALL the guys/men/fathers on here have been a 15 yr old boy at one time- you ladies have not not one man on here have said they use to do this with their mother- and beyond this we are saying this is borderline sick behavior, whats next??
more are blaming the stepfather here than the mother that is enabling this sick behavior
to the op, i would get a female in the family that has witnessed this odd behavior, and give mom some straight talk,,
and do the same to the son- have a male in the family give him some straight talk
I agree with the bolds.
Also, lots of people, mostly women I think, have overanalyzed this. It's just strange behavior. Aside from being outside at some event, say a football game in the cold, there is no reason for a mom and 15 year old son to snuggle up under a blanket together. That's quite sexual behavior right there.
I agree with those who say counseling, or barring that, what this poster has suggested, straight talk for both of them.
I have boys, and while they sometimes sit on the same couch as I do when watching a movie or something, there is NO WAY they would have acted like the OP's stepson. Share a blanket? Uh, no. We each have our own blankets, thank you very much.
I do wonder if he's on the sprectrum....
The OP or the step son....or both? I still think that this thread is a Poe with Oedipus issues.....the story just gets wilder as it goes on and the OP seems to always have an excuse why the advise given won't work.
If nothing other than snuggling is happening and it's just that they feel comfortable together then I don't see any harm in this behavior. Maybe it is your insecurity that is the issue? I think it's better to love your kids than to push them away. I wonder if you hold him much? I'm not saying it couldn't be a problem that is being acted out on, maybe he's having depression or some other issues where he doesn't feel safe and that makes him feel relaxed? Just some thoughts I had. I think how you responded will only build resentment. How about asking him sometime without judging him how it makes him feel to snuggle with his mom?
I really don't want to know how he feels snuggling with his mom... I'm afraid he may tell me something I'd rather not know...
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