Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My reasons were to make up for terrible ones I had as a kid. It wasnt so much about having a ton of people come visit, but about everything looking perfect. tons of gift, cooking all the "right" things, perfect decorations, observing every tradition I could think of. I would be exhausted and tense from thanksgiving to chirstmas...and disappointed because I would fail. No fun to be around someone like that.
I still have to work really hard to stay zen through the holidays but its getting easier each year
I think I just need some sort of acknowledgement that letting my children dotheir own thing (even if it is not their preferred choice - that is us allspending Christmas together) is ok. That I shouldn't feel bad that for thefirst time in 8 years the family will not be all together. And that maybe myson will enjoy being with his family in their new home because we can gettogether next year maybe.
I write poetry. Sometimes I will be reading (like I was this thread) and *out POPS a poem*.... in minutes! This is one of those poems (Where these come from is beyond me... they seem to write themselves.), so I am adding it here because it goes with the theme of the thread. It is for no one in particular... it just IS.
___________________
Christmas Lives In Your Heart
Christmas happens where ever you are
the love of family that lives near and far
Hold on to the memories of Christmases past
know they are fleeting and never do last
Life always moves forward, and holiday time
becomes but a mem'ry from those happier times
Your children are grown and have kids of their own
it is time that they celebrated in their own home
You can visit and be a part of it all
You can stay home, and still have a ball
Christmas is what you make it to be
Open your eyes then and let yourself see
That Christmas is really a trick of the mind
the wrappings and glitter can leave us all blind
It's the love that lives in your family's heart
that makes Christmas special right from the start
Christmas lives wherever you roam
visiting children, or just staying home
Let the love of the season fill you with glee
Christmas lives in your heart, not under the tree
You need to put the idea of a perfect Christmas out of your mind. It is a natural progression for adult children to start making their own traditions and it is increasingly difficult to get everyone together. Don't forget they all have in-laws to think about too.
I'm new to the forum and hope I can post without making a book out of it. I have 3 children all living in different states. One married +2 small children, 1 single self employed, 1single + dog + high powered job. Usually we have Christmas at our place although this has caused hardship due to high cost of flights etc, but we do love getting together. Eldest son and family have just moved into own home and want to have their first Christmas in their own home as a family with us present of course.
My son who is self employed will go to wherever as long as he is notworking as that has to have priority and we all understand that. Daughter doesnot want to travel so far as it will not only be hard on her but also her dog,anyway she finds her nephew and niece noisy and mainly she would like to spendthe time just unwinding after a hectic year work year and another one to come.Husband hates to travel and be away from his own home (seems to be an actualphysical thing for him and I understand). The benefit of previous years is thatwith a 6 week holiday from school and my son and daughter in law not being ableto have time off work I have got my grandchildren and they stay with us, then mum and dad come up for Christmas and New Year and then take them back with them in time for school. This year there are 3 weeks before and 3 weeks afterChristmas. My son knows I do not like to be away from home for that amount oftime and away from my husband. I have tried to work out how I can do things so that I actually make life easier for everyone - such as have grandchildren herefor a few weeks and then going to their place with the children for Christmas,and then I feel sorry for my daughter being on her own when I am with my son and what about my other child. I have realized that I am actually trying mostly to make things easier for my children at the expense of my husband and myself.
So I am thinking that I should just stop this and let my grandchildren come to our house for December and then I can put them on a plane in time for them to be at their own home for Christmas. My husband and I can spend Christmas together and then I can go down after Christmas on my own (as husband doesn't want to go and is happy to stay here) and spend January with my grandchildren.I've told my daughter and other son I can see them in February and they say are ok with that.
Why am I over analyzing whether I am being mean to my daughter if I go to my son and daughter in law, mean to my son and daughter in law if I stay with my husband.
I think I just need some sort of acknowledgement that letting my children do their own thing (even if it is not their preferred choice - that is us all spending Christmas together) is ok. That I shouldn't feel bad that for the first time in 8 years the family will not be all together. And that maybe myson will enjoy being with his family in their new home because we can get together next year maybe.
I'd love to hear people's thoughts and hope that I have made sense. It is in my nature I know to want everyone to be happy even if it is at my expense.
I might add that they are all good kids who will say it's fine for me to choose and they are happy for me to do what I want to do, but I have to somehow try and believe it myself.
Thank you
Hello there! First of all for the Christmas enjoy your self with your husband. But I know it is hard to have a Christmas with out your kids. But at some point when they get married it is not easy for them spend one Christmas at both parents. My parents live in LA. Me and my brother live here in EU. Every year my parents fly here to EU to spend the Christmas and the new year with us. That happens now 12 years or even more. But when my grand parents were living I remember my father manage very hard to satisfy both sides in laws as well his own parents. It was not easy at all. I am sure your kids will be okay with what ever your plan is. My father always said "family should be a family not only for the Christmas"
If I were you I would not go any where I will stay my place near the fire place with a warm tea. you cannot make every one happy. If some one want to visit you let them other wise just enjoy your Christmas with your husband and neighborhood.
Thank you so much everyone. I think I needed some affirmation and that is what I got from people. I second guess myself too much, and after a childhood with many issues I think am overdoing the 'lets all be happy and have Christmas together bit.
So its all sorted and I am at peace with myself. I will stay at home with my husband. My son and his family will have Christmas at their home. My daughter will very happily have Christmas on her own with her dog and rest - ready for another hectic year for her. My son will decide at the last minute due to work issues but is welcome by everyone so he can decide at the last minute who he goes to - or if he wants to he will stay at his own home and have a quiet time.
So I am looking forward to a quiet less hectic time. Less stress for me and we can all facetime each other and wish ourselves love and peace.
Thank you everyone and I hope Christmas is a peaceful time for you all AND you all spend it in a way that makes you happy and at peace.
Even living in the same city, it's very difficult for married couples to see their families over the holidays. I hated that our holidays involved spending a ton of time in the car and eating two holiday dinners with two different families. I don't blame your son and his wife for deciding to spend Christmas in their own home. They won't be upset if you don't go. I'll bet they extended the invitation so your feelings wouldn't be hurt that they weren't coming to your house. Since they have children, it's time for them to establish their own holiday traditions. You don't have to leave your husband or have grandchildren flown in for December. Spend your holiday the way you want. You can visit your son and your grandchildren any other time of the year.
bingo!!
the first 2-3 yrs with kids, we travelled to both sides grandmothers house.....
it was nice seeing everyone,,,but our Christmas was mostly travelling in a car - we rushed our tree in the morning just to get on the road,,
so, we said no more---- the kids were getting older 3-4 and should be enjoying our own xmas,,,, and traditions
so we sent out an open invite to all the family, even cooked Christmas meal...
thank god we did that!!!
its not being selfish for a family to have their own traditions,,,xmas is for kids,,
they don't have fun travelling!!
We gave up celebrating Christmas on Christmas with extended family. On Christmas Day, everyone does what they need/want to do--visit the inlaws, one brother is separated from his wife so he doesn't always have the kids, etc. We have a quiet day at home. The following Saturday we celebrate Christmas together. Less stress for everyone, the presents get spread out a bit for the kids--it's just more relaxing. Of course, we all live within an hour's drive of each other so that makes it easier.
My family lives 6 hours away from my family and 12 hours from my husband's family. We are usually expected to be the ones to use vacation time and travel to see family during the holidays - and we finally put our foot down and said no. Especially after my parents retired and had a better ability to travel than we did. My sister's family only lives an hour away from my parents.
Four years ago we traveled to my family for Christmas, as we had for a few years before that. Then three years ago we did not travel and stayed home for both big winter holidays - it was awesome not to be on the road and "waste" vacation time on travel days. Last year my family came to us for Thanksgiving. This year we are being asked to go to my parents' for Christmas - we're debating about it, but am leaning towards not since Christmas is on a Thursday this year. Perhaps next year, when it's on a weekend.
My family has come to realize that the days of having everyone together for the holidays is just not feasible, and they are okay with it. At first they kicked up a fuss. But in the past few years, with my grandmother passing away, and my aunt/uncle moving to the west coast - they've come to the realization that the days of huge family get-togethers EVERY YEAR are a thing of the past.
Let your kids do what they want - if they want to travel to see family, they can. If not, it's their own decision.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
